The Muskbag is Here All Week, Folks. Try the Veal.


In this week’s Muskbag, we are once again reminded that Cubs fans are idiots who are clueless about the rules of baseball and are obsessed with bad players. If they LOSE 97 games next year, will some of these dimwits go away?

I heard that Veal was picked by the Pirates in the Rule 5 Draft. What exactly does that mean? Did they just take him away completely from the Cubs organization? I thought he had a great future, and I would be very disappointed to see him leave.
– Ross K., Avon, Ind.

Taken by Pirates? That’s a keelhaulin’.

CARRIE: He is now a Pirate. Veal was not among the players protected by the Cubs and was available in the Draft, which took place last Thursday at the Winter Meetings in Las Vegas. What it means is the Pirates paid $50,000 to draft Veal, and he has to stay on their big league roster in 2009 for Pittsburgh to keep him or else be returned to the Cubs for $25,000.

Now, if I didn’t understand this system, I’d naturally have the question, “Wait, the Cubs need to pay the Pirates $25,000 to get their guy back? Or the Pirates have to pay the Cubs another $25,000 for the honor of giving them their guy back?” For the record, the Cubs would have to pay $25,000 to get Veal back. That better be a hell of a cut of meat.

I’m a little confused with the Cubs withdrawing from the Peavy trade. Did the Padres want more than Jason Marquis, Felix Pie and a couple Minor Leaguers? Surely Jim Hendry didn’t think that was too much to pay. How much more were they wanting?
– Bryan D., Frankfort, Ky.

He did think that was too much to pay. And don’t call me Shirley.

CARRIE: There were other names mentioned, and to avoid any additional angst this offseason, I won’t list them. The deal was not completed because Hendry decided the combination of who the Padres wanted plus Peavy’s large contract was just too much. Padres general manager Kevin Towers had every right to ask for the moon. But the Cubs had a very good rotation before the Peavy talk started and they have a very good rotation without him.

I get the feeling Carrie didn’t list any other names because she doesn’t know any other ones. And I still think the Cubs are going to end up with Peavy before the 2009 season starts. Towers couldn’t keep his damn mouth shut about their discussions, and I think Hendry was understandably pissed that every guy he mentioned to Towers suddenly read his name in the paper as being a part of the trade. That’s not good business. Towers still needs to trade Peavy, and Peavy doesn’t seem to want to go anywhere but Chicago. I think it will still happen.

I’ve read that Hendry is looking to sign someone like Paul Bako. Are the Cubs not going to re-sign Henry Blanco?
– Nick V., Muncie, Ind.

[THE ABOVE SPACE COULD HAVE BEEN USED TO ASK A QUESTION ABOUT THE STARTING RIGHT FIELDER INSTEAD OF THE BACKUP CATCHER]

CARRIE: Blanco is being courted by other teams, and even though the Cubs would like to have him back, they also wouldn’t mind a lower-priced alternative and someone who bats left-handed. That could be Bako. This spring, the Cubs will consider Koyie Hill, a switch-hitter, as a possible backup to Geovany Soto.

So, the backup catcher will probably be a guy named “Gabor” or a guy named “Koyie.” What’s the matter, Hendry? Wasn’t Dainty Sissypants available?

While the Cubs are looking for a left-handed power hitter, have they looked at the Cardinals’ Rick Ankiel? He is a left-handed power bat as well as someone to fill the void in center.
– Evan B., Stamford, Conn.

The, um, void is in right field. And if the Cubs are going to sign a total headcase, can they please get Milton Bradley?

CARRIE: Actually, Ankiel would be perfect. The Cardinals aren’t likely to help out the Cubs.

And that would make two years in a row that they were able to acquire former Cardinals centerfielders who I hate.

How about Guzman? I’ve read the Cubs are considering to send Jeff Samardzija to the starting rotation but nothing about Angel. He was the real deal until his shoulder was injured. In my opinion, he could fit perfectly next to Carlos Zambrano, Rich Harden, Ted Lilly and Ryan Dempster in the rotation. So much young talent — what a great problem to have.
– Gergely H., Budapest, Hungary

Your name is Gergely? Can you catch? Moreover, Guzman is going to be 27 in 2009, as will Harden. Zambrano will be 28. Dempster will be 32. Lilly will be 33. They’re not THAT young.

CARRIE: Guzman will likely be in the Cubs’ bullpen in 2009, one, because he’s finally healthy after surgery on both his right shoulder and elbow, but also because he’s out of options. (Other Cubs out of options include Pie, Ronny Cedeno and Rich Hill). Samardzija could be in the ‘pen with the big league team or start at Triple-A Iowa, depending on what the Cubs need.

That’s not entirely true. Pie, Cedeno, and Hill all still have the option of going out into the street and shooting themselves.

Will you please tell me who played first base during Ivan DeJesus’ time with the Cubs. I’ve got a bet on it.
– John S., Sebring, Fla.

What does the winner get? Internet access?

CARRIE: DeJesus played for the Cubs from 1977-1981, and the Opening Day first basemen in those years were Larry Biittner (1977) and Bill Buckner (1978-81).

What are the odds that he and his buddy had a three-hour argument with one insisting that Biittner was the starter and the other insisting that Buckner was the starter, neither one of them realizing that there is an internet?

I was reading the mailbag and read that Mike Fontenot was in trade talks so we could get Mark Teahen. Why? This is coming from a guy who owns an authentic Mike Fontenot jersey and loves the Little Babe Ruth (as Ron Santo calls him).
– Taylor F., Watertown, Wis.

Your first mistake was reading the Muskbag. Your second mistake was believing anything you read in the Muskbag. Your third mistake is being a man with an authentic Fontenot jersey. Not even Fontenot has an authentic Fontenot jersey. It’s just a t-shirt with buttons drawn on.

CARRIE: Taylor, the Cubs are not trying to trade Fontenot. The Royals asked about him because he is so valuable. There’s a difference.

Man, it’s not often that someone gets called by name by Carrie. Must have pissed her off, because her time is SO VALUABLE. There’s a difference.

Is there any news when that film about the Cubs’ 2008 season will be coming out? I remember some talk about it early but haven’t heard anything for a while and I wasn’t sure if they were still doing it.
– Greg P., La Grange, Ill.

Lucky you. We have the video right here.

CARRIE: The documentary “We Believe” is expected to be released in Chicago before Opening Day 2009.

Is it going to be tacky, sentimental crap? Because I’m not going to watch it unless it’s tacky, sentimental crap. I hope the full title is actually, “We Believe that It’s Gonna Happen and Mend Our Broken Hearts.”

Thank goodness Carrie is safely back from Vegas, answering the tough questions for all of us fans.

  • Frasier Crane

    CARRIE: DeJesus played for the Cubs from 1977-1981, and the Opening Day first basemen in those years were Larry Biittner (1977) and Bill Buckner (1978-81).

    Carrie fucked this one up. Buckner came to the Cubs along with DeJesus in the January 1977 trade that sent Rick Monday to the Dodgers and was the opening day 1B for the Cubs.

    Bittner not Biittner played in the 1978 opener after Buckner left the game after only 1 AB due to injury.

    Now I really think Carrie is a useless piece of shit who can’t even use the internet herself. How did she get her job? Nobody is crazy enough to fuck her.

  • TDubbs

    SEBRING? Might as well just say you’re from Mustang, IL. Come on Morts, we know it was you. You just wanted to be able to post your Larry Riibner baseball card for the 1,000th time.

  • ectoslavia

    Man, I’ve got some bad news for Gergley in Budapest, coz as it turns out, Dempster is under contract to perform 5 nights a week at a comedy club in the Catskills at least through the 4th of July. Harden will only be pitching every 11th day in the vain hope he will make it through the post-season without having to have his arm amputated. Lilly is growing quietly concerned that Detective Kimball just won’t let the whole Paul Owen thing drop, plus some people are starting to ask questions about the hookers who keep disappearing near that apartment he rents in Hell’s Kitchen under a fake name. Z should still be fine, unless he attempts to break an aluminum bat over his knee when he flies out in his slow pitch softball league.

  • http://www.hockeenight.com Fork

    Maybe Carrie knows how to tile a bathroom.

  • Feesh

    @Frasier Crane – WRONG.
    1. B-I-I-T-T-N-E-R
    2. 1978 Opener
    Who doesn’t know how to use the internet?

  • http://www.pompculture.com JackB

    When was Angel Guzman ever the “real deal”? I thought he was just another of our overhyped prospects who didn’t pan out, plus was hit with the injury bug. Christ, even Prior had one good year, a year in which he was the “real deal”. Guzman never even had that. If he can help in the pen fine, but I’m not gonna hope for much more than that. I’d let Marshall pitch in the rotation before Guzman.

  • http://bleedgrizzlypink.blogspot.com morpheus

    For the record, I did NOT post that 1B question, although I do like the idea. Ask and you shall receive, TDubb5.

    http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3270/2786352051_5c6b37a5b1_o.jpg

  • Frasier Crane

    Originally Posted By Feesh@Frasier Crane – WRONG.
    1. B-I-I-T-T-N-E-R
    2. 1978 Opener
    Who doesn’t know how to use the internet?

    1.) Bite me. Ok I fucked up his name but his name is fucked up.
    2.)you’re reffering to the 1978 opener which Buckner started not 1977 opener which doesn’t matter bec ause the readers question who played most of the games at first not openers. Check ur refferences Carrie

  • Feesh

    @Frasier Crane – Just saying, if you’re gonna bitch about somebody not getting the facts straight, make sure you don’t screw ‘em up, too…

  • CactusMcHarris

    Has anyone on this august blog of Cubdom ever physically met Carrie? I’d just like to know that if anyone had, did you ask her if she reads HJE?

    I’m wondering because she’d pick up some valuable column tips, but mainly so that I can get an idea if she’s a hottie, because a whole lot of bad journalism can be forgiven if she is.

  • http://tjbrown.com T.J. Brown

    I met Carrie Muskat 10 or 11 years ago, long before the Hire Jim Essian movement had legs (but Ron Santo did).

  • CactusMcHarris

    @T.J. Brown

    And is she physically attractive? Is that what the song ‘Muskrat Love’ is about or would you rather hump a stump?

  • Frasier Crane

    Originally Posted By Feesh@Frasier Crane – Just saying, if you’re gonna bitch about somebody not getting the facts straight, make sure you don’t screw ‘em up, too…

    Funny Feeshies because that is exactly what you did. You’re wrong about 1978 not me Larry Biittner didn’t start. Which means yours ur having sex with the Muskrat & therefore a stupid ass. How old were you in 1977?

  • Frasier Crane

    http://www.bleedcubbieblue.com/2008/1/28/92951/1830 Larry’s name was not in the starting line up.

  • Feesh

    Originally Posted By Frasier Crane“Bittner not Biittner played in the 1978 opener after Buckner left the game after only 1 AB due to injury.”

    Who’s wrong about what here?
    And really? BCB? REALLY?

  • Feesh

    The game described in your BCB link was the HOME opener. Not opening day as indicated in the above article.
    Jesus Christ, I can’t believe I’m getting into a pissing match with you…

  • Feesh

    I feel dirty.

  • Feesh

    Also, never said Biiiiiiiiiittner started. Not once. Ever. Your lack of reading comprehension is evident. So…there’s that.

  • Frasier Crane

    Originally Posted By FeeshAlso, never said Biiiiiiiiiittner started. Not once. Ever. Your lack of reading comprehension is evident. So…there’s that.

    since u wrote 4 replies I guess ur begging for another. I did admit I fucked up the spelling of BiIttner at once. Excuse me for not thinking about Larry BiIttner during the last 30 years.

    While u took time to tell me I didn’t do my homework, u obviously didn’t do yours. Fess up Feces u have no memory of ’78 and u fucked ur internet search & accused me of lacking internet skills u clearly lack. Prove to me and the www that Larry Biteme was the season or home opening day first baseman in 1978 & I’ll get Carrie to suck ur nutsack, Feces. I also challenge u to a Cub quiz anytime especially The DeJesus/Buckner era.

  • Reggie Miller

    Originally Posted By CactusMcHarrisHas anyone on this august blog of Cubdom ever physically met Carrie? I’d just like to know that if anyone had, did you ask her if she reads HJE?

    I’m wondering because she’d pick up some valuable column tips, but mainly so that I can get an idea if she’s a hottie, because a whole lot of bad journalism can be forgiven if she is.

    In a word, no.

    In two words, hell no.

  • Frasier Crane

    @Feesh – Also, never said Biiiiiiiiiittner started. Not once. Ever. Your lack of reading comprehension is evident. So…there’s that. WRONG.
    1. B-I-I-T-T-N-E-R
    2. 1978 Opener
    Who doesn’t know how to use the internet?

    You said I was wrong about 1978. Since I only wrote 1 thing about ’78 I just assumed it was the 1 thing I said. What the fuck are u talking about, moron? Learn to read and put the Old Style down

  • StPatrick

    Has it come to this? Fact checking? Nowhere in the comments above did I see accusations of homosexuality, alcoholism, mental infirmity, or other fictional ailments displayed by the players in question. Cats and dogs will be laying down together soon, I guess.

  • Feesh

    What we’re obviously suffering from here is a lack of understanding of my original post. My link to the 1978 opener box score on baseball-reference.com was in response to this:

    Originally Posted By Frasier Crane Bittner not Biittner played in the 1978 opener after Buckner left the game after only 1 AB due to injury.

    …which indicated to me that you were saying Biittner played in the 1978 opener. He didn’t, and that’s what I was trying to show you there…

    Sorry for the confusion. And really, why so angry? You’re gonna give yourself a heart attack…

  • TDubbs

    @StPatrick -

    Fag.

  • http://hirejimessian.com Bad Kermit

    Why is everyone getting pissy? Did someone just find out that there’s no Santa?

  • CactusMcHarris

    @StPatrick – - Yes, seems like a few of you usually-well-adjusted folks have a case of ass because Peavy isn’t signed or something.

    And for the record one of my dogs does lay down with the cats. They all combine into one non-sexual furball.