Since there was no Roundup last week due to the fact that I was in a turkey coma, I have a lot of catching up to do. Plus, we have the Winter Meetings coming up next week in Las Vegas, so I have to help Hendry pick out a bunch of Hawaiian fat guy shirts. So, here we go:
- Speaking of the Winter Meetings, we’re after a big lefty bat, and possibly a left-handed guy to swing it. The Muskrat also seems to think we’re looking to unload the final six years of Alfonso Soriano’s contract. Which is why no one ever talks to her.
- Congratulations to Len Kasper, the play-by-play voice of the Cubs through the 2011 season. Hey, remember when Chip Caray was the play-by-play guy? Yeah. That sucked.
- We’re sorry to hear that Henry Blanco’s brother was kidnapped and murdered in Venezuela. Sorry for the fucking kidnappers. Because YOU CALLED DOWN THE THUNDER, AND NOW YOU’VE GOT IT! YOU TELL THEM HANK WHITE’S COMING! AND HELL’S COMING WITH HIM, YOU HEAR?! HELL’S COMING WITH HIM!
- You know what’s been hilarious for several years? The Brewer bullpen. So, what do they do to fix it? Sign the hilariously crappy Jorge Julio. Idiots.
- Speaking of crappy bullpens, the Giant bullpen just got crappier.
- Oh, and the Pirates are looking at Derrick Turnbow. Don’t any free agent relievers not suck?
- I guess there’s one that doesn’t suck, but Dusty Baker is looking to remedy that. Stay away from Kerry Wood, Dusty. And go play with some herpes.
- Bruce Miles suggests that we should go after Milton Bradley. Kermit agrees. I know he has anger issues, but if anyone can kick his angry ass into line, it has two thumbs, and is pointing both of those thumbs at himself. That “anyone” is me.
- If Greg Maddux does decide to call it quits, he’ll be missed. Kermit might have to make a trip back to Cooperstown to see the 2014 induction, especially since it could be one of the greatest Hall of Fame classes in history.
- Rich Hill couldn’t play in the California Penal League right now.
- Where the hell did Chuck to Chuck get a fourth-grade student disguise?
- If you haven’t seen the incredibly cool Winter Classic commercial, here it is courtesy of Five Outs to Go.
- I don’t know what is wrong with the world, but I am going to go on record right now as saying that I will give you $500 to never have to see a pair of Larry Rothschild’s game-used underwear.
- While one of Kermit’s favorite childhood movies is looking for an exciting revival, another is looking for its death blow.
- Get your scuba gear out, you freaking virgins.
That’s it for me, you no-names. Have a good weekend digging your cars out of the snow.
-Sweet Uncle Lou
