WOO! WOO!
WOO WOO! All aboard the Danimal Express! This train will be departing as soon as I can pack up my face makeup and tweezers. I’m boarding a train. Or maybe I am the train. I never really figured that out. Destination? Bigger and better things, with stops at the Waffle House, Target, and the MLB Network!
I have all sorts of new ideas for my new analyst gig at the MLB Network. Like, for example, have you ever seen a train with Albert Pujols’ face on it? No? Well, you will! Every time he hits a home run next season on the MLB Network!
I’m going to use this opportunity to take my routine in completely different directions! For example, every time Carlos Marmol strikes out a batter on the MLB Network, there’s going to be a Marmol-faced train tearing through the station with a fire trail behind it. Just like in Back to the Future! Bad ass!
You would think that would be the end of it, but no! I haven’t even told you about the Train Fan Cam! Every time the MLB Network shows a shot of the crowd, one lucky fan is going to get nailed…BY AN ANIMATED TRAIN! Crazy, right?
Did I mention that superimposed over all of the regulation MLB-approved caps will be conductor’s caps? I didn’t?! Well, that’s practically the best part! Either that part or the part where I’m suing the train in the outfield at Minute Maid Park for copyright violation. I’ll be a millionaire, and then I’ll buy my own train!
But that’s not all. I have some wacky pranks I’m going to play on my new partners at the MLB Network. Like when I’m working with Harold Reynolds, you might just see a Harold Reynolds’ penis-shaped train sexually harass a Trenni Kusnierek’s vagina-shaped tunnel! Don’t worry, Harold! I’ll be generous with the number of cars! LOL!
So, if you have your tickets, then it’s all aboard the D-Train! All aboard!
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CT
StPatrick
PenFoe
BigFlax
Bocaj
Who the fuck is Guest?
@Keith – Umm, Dan Plesac.
@Bad Kermit – So I avoid the Cubs postgame show like the plague.
You know what, I can’t justify it. I’m a moron. I’m sorry and I humbly repent or something.
Hallelujah!
Free at last…Free at last!
This will make watching pre-season Cubs games that much more enjoyable, not to mention every pre-game & post-game on CSN. No longer will we have to suffer through the outrageously monotone and boring delivery of this goofball.
Free at last!