Hire Jim Essian

What the hell is going on around here? Up is down. Down is up. We got that clown Dempster saying we weren’t ready for the goddamn playoffs. I’m saying we were.

• We’ve got the Orioles saying that they want to be a competitive baseball team, yet they’re looking at Cesar Izturis.
• We’ve got the Muskrat saying that we’re not interested in Peavy, yet we’ve got Kevin Towers saying we are.
• We’ve got Mark Cuban busted for insider trading, yet we’ve got him mentioned in an article about bids for the team being due December 1st.
• We’ve got an award called “Most Valuable Player,” yet we’ve got some idiot giving a fifth-place vote to JASON BARTLETT.
• We’ve got Jim Hendry talking about wanting to add a good right fielder, yet we hear reports of Jim making a play for Mark Teahen.
• We’ve got a need for a better fifth starter, yet we’re looking at a septuagenarian with a gimp knee.
• We’ve got the only good thing that’s ever happened to the Brewers…
  
  
  
  
  
  …being sent to MLB Network purgatory.
• We’ve got a bunch of sportswriters in this town, yet a (GASP) blogger wrote the best article out there about the departure of Kerry Wood.
• We’ve got a sports broadcaster with no legs, yet we’ve got feet washing up all over the place.
• We’ve got some of the most “loyal” fans of the team saying the dumbest things imaginable (thanks to Jon for the tip).
• We’ve got a dope who allegedly hates “100 years” talk writing a series called “The Next 100 Years” (thanks to Zach for the tip). But, hey, at least he didn’t rip off the series from someone else this time.
• We’ve got a time-traveling genius who didn’t think to go back and warn anyone about the California wildfires.
• We’ve got a woman being allowed to use tools, yet it just so happens that they float away.
• And, finally, we’ve got a douchebag trying to prove he’s not a douchebag, yet doing it in the douchebagiest way possible.

It’s been a weird week of contradictions, folks. For God’s sake, keep your eyes open for people driving on the wrong side of the road.

-Sweet Uncle Lou