Hire Jim Essian

I was hoping Bacon and Fries would run on the same ticket. The same delicious ticket. Thanks to Holy Taco for the picture. Anyhow, it’s Roundup time:

• Bud Selig is a cockbag, and I hope Mark Cuban sues him and the courts threaten to take away Major League Baseball’s antitrust exemption.
• I’m actually for coin flips deciding the playoffs, but I’d rather we flipped for wins and losses in the NLDS. We’d at least have a 50/50 chance of winning a game.
• UPDATE: Rich Hill still sucks ass.
• Man, people must REALLY want to watch Jerome Walton get drunk. Cubs fans are retarded that way. And here’s more proof!
• Dave Kaplan is an idiot. Yesterday on CSN, he was emphatically stating that the Cubs would EITHER hang on to Ryan Dempster OR trade for Jake Peavy. Bwuce Levine said exactly the opposite on the radio last night, and Ken Rosenthal disagrees, too. So, the question is, is Chuck to Chuck Kaplan’s “source” and vice-versa? Because I can’t imagine anyone in the Cubs organization would want to spend any more time than they have to looking at Kaplan’s sport coats and ties.
• Peavy. Dempster. Is anyone else happy that apparently Jim Hendry is way very interested in CC Sabathia?
• Steve Rosenboob mentions every name on the free agent market as a possible Cubs target.
• Greg Maddux is still awesome, but that might be coming to an end. If that’s true, God speed and God bless, Greg. You were the best of your generation.
• And speaking of former Cubs I love, I’ll miss you, Daryle Ward.
• Speaking of more former Cubs, Sergio Mitre is a Yankee. Weird.
• We traded for Ryan Buchter. I- I thought I should mention it.
• There’s finally a more worthless college class than geology.
• Important laundry tip for Ted Lilly.
• Beagles are awesome, and that’s why they are able to write letters to the Obama children.

That’s it for me, dweebs. Enjoy the weekend. Apparently, winter is coming to Chicago. Be careful with your space heaters, since I know you don’t have women to keep you warm at night.

-Sweet Uncle Lou