Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “Boring” Edition
BAD KERMIT: There’s not much interesting going on this week.
SWEET UNCLE LOU: That’s bad.
BAD KERMIT: Well, I guess the World Series might be an interesting matchup.
SWEET UNCLE LOU: That’s good!
BAD KERMIT: But the Tampa Bay Rays are playing in it.
SWEET UNCLE LOU: That’s bad.
BAD KERMIT: But the National League won Game One.
SWEET UNCLE LOU: That’s good!
BAD KERMIT: But Shane Victorino is Hawaiian.
SWEET UNCLE LOU: …
BAD KERMIT: That’s bad.
SWEET UNCLE LOU: Can I do the Roundup now?
- Have you ever wondered about the man behind the MLB logo? You have? Why?
- Jim Essian may be passed over for yet another job in favor of his doppleganger.
- Our good friend Paul Sullivan gives HJE a shout-out as he details the many, many examples of nationwide Cub mockery which occurred after the sweep.
- As usual, Curt Schilling has absolutely nothing to say about anything.
- The way I see it, there are most likely two ways that I’ll end my preseason in 2009: (1) Hanging out in Arizona, checking out the ridiculous co-eds of the ASU campus, or (2) freezing my nuts off in New York, checking out Joe Girardi’s flattop. Anyone want to bet which way the league is leaning? God damnit.
- I don’t get it. Everyone hates Chip Caray, yet Chip Caray is gainfully employed. In THIS economy! What a world.
- Cubs Convention tickets go on sale November 6th. Going to the Convention is a blast. Well, let me rephrase that. Not going to the Cubs Convention, but getting drunk with the Desipiots and Sons of Jim Essian at Kitty O’Shea’s afterward and asking awkward questions of Len Kasper is a blast.
- Phillies fans are stoopud.
- Mark Prior: Same shit, different year.
- “Woman’s fishy-smelling mystery solved,” and it is NOT what you thought it was.
- Is there a better headline out there than “Swedish hockey fans delay match with dildo downpour“? (NSFW unless you work in a dildo factory or your boss is a huge fan of the AIK ice hockey team)
- Finally, if you’ve never learned to flip a beer cap, learn it now.
Well, that’s it for now. I’m going to practice flipping beer caps into Rothschild’s eyes.
-Sweet Uncle Lou
If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to Hire Jim Essian to get future articles delivered to your feed reader.
Comments
Steve Buechele's Blond Mullet Okay did Lou flip Alf and Ramirez’s switches to “Bad” the last week of the year?
CactusMcHarris I must say, I’ve personally witnessed a Canadian Hat Trick….wait, what I mean is that I’ve never seen lots of dildos on an ice rink…..
CactusMcHarris And one more thing - the vast spectrum of SULFR is simply colon-cleansing….from tuna-smelling women to iced dildos. It’s kind of a warped Wide World of Sports, isn’t it?
CT
bocaj
StPatrick
BigFlax
PenFoe
You know I always wondered how in the hell Chip stayed employed. He’s as interesting as a steaming pile of badger crap and doesn’t ever say anything important! So he’s the grandson of a legendary announcer, does that automatically make him great at it? My grandfather was a great horse trainer and made a lot of money doing it, but I don’t have anyone knockin down my door to train those four legged glue factories! He should have to earn his job just like most people that have no talent!