Open Mic Night at Wrigley
In spring training, Ryan Dempster guaranteed that he would win the World Series. The Spanish word for “he would win” is ganaría. That’s pronounced “gonorrhea,” which I’m pretty sure I have after watching last night’s Cubs-Dodgers game. Think I went pretty far for a joke with very little payoff? You should, because I did. And I didn’t go anywhere NEAR as far as Dempster went in setting up his Wrigley Field punchline last night. But I guess that’s why he’s so funny. Dedication to his craft.
All in all, Comedy Night at Wrigley was enjoyable.
The opening acts were pretty funny. Lou Piniella decided to bat Kosuke Fukudome, who has been terrible at hitting since about June, in the second spot in the lineup. He used Ryan Theriot, the guy on the team with the highest batting average and with the second-most hits on the team, in the 8th spot in the lineup. Wacky!
Then, up-and-coming comic Alfonso Soriano stepped to the plate mic. Soriano had been a model of patience at the plate (at least for him) since returning from injury. Last night, he swung at everything that was thrown at him, including a pitchout and a rubber chicken. Good one, Alfonso!
The TBS Comedy Troupe was in rare form last night. Just when you thought you had seen the last of Frank Caliendo, there he was on your television! Over. And over. And over. And over. I can understand why TBS needed to have 10-minute commercial breaks. They wanted us to be able to enjoy at least one Frank Caliendo commercial per break! When comedy is that good, you don’t mind watching it over and over and over again.
Ron Darling was the next performer. He mostly did one-liners. My favorite one went something like this. “The Cubs are second in the National League in walks behind the Boston Red Sox.” I almost shot beer out of my nose!
Darling’s comedy partner Dick Stockton was in fine form, as well. He used repetition in his humor, mentioning over and over again that the Wrigley crowd was quiet. Every time I thought he was going to talk about baseball, he dipped back into that old well. Ha ha ha!
Tony Gwynn followed Stockton’s set. Gwynn did impressions, most notably the Chotchkie’s guy from Office Space. Spot. On.
Derrek Lee did his usual physical comedy. Like Dick Van Dyke taking a pratfall over an ottoman, Lee grounding into a double play in the bottom half of an inning right after the other team puts up a big inning never ever gets old. I laughed until my sides hurt!
But Dempster proved why he is the headliner. After setting up his punchline all season by serving as the most consistent and reliable Cub pitcher, Dempster threw us all a curve ball (which was up and away) and walked everyone in the ballpark. That is a classic example of comic misdirection. Dempster finished his set by grooving a 1-2 pitch to James Loney for a grand slam. How the crowd laughed as the ball soared through the Chicago wind!
Thanks for coming out, everyone. You’ve been a great audience. We’re here all week (maybe). Don’t forget to tip your waitress.
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Comments
James Woods Who is Ron Darling? I thought I was doing the game last night. Anyway, I know what you mean about gonorrhea. I mean, I know this guy who knows what you mean about gonorrhea.
Angry Mike Now there is some venom. You took the words right out of my mouth man.
Fortunately Zambrano has a chance to atone tonight. If last year’s playoff start is any indication of what we can expect I suspect this series will be 1-1 going to LA.
I still don’t understand why Harden in starting game 3. Unless of course Lou is looking towards the NLCS much like he looked toward game 4 of last season’s NLDS.
JayBandit @Fergie Jenkem - Good, I thought I was the only one that caught that…he didn’t even wait until the game started to start messing up words!
Mike D. Originally Posted By James WoodsWho is Ron Darling? I thought I was doing the game last night. Anyway, I know what you mean about gonorrhea. I mean, I know this guy who knows what you mean about gonorrhea.
That’s awesome. Ron Darling does sound like James Woods.
The analyss was okay, except for that smarmy doucehrocket Verrducci in the dugout, but jebus is Dick Stockton finished. Is it merely nostalgia that allows executives to make the kinds of decision that puts an aging, forgetful confused man in charge of a major sports broadcast?
TK Z will show up tonight.
And by that I mean he will be there wearing his uniform.
No but seriously Z hasn’t pitched in awhile, and I remember what happened last time he pitched with a lot of rest.
Dick Stockton And the game will start at 9:30 eastern, and James Woods and Gary Coleman will be in the booth with me, and Carlos Zambrano will throw out the first pitch, and wearing road grays are the Dodgers, and I need a shovel to the back of my head.
CactusMcHarris Originally Posted By James WoodsWho is Ron Darling? I thought I was doing the game last night. Anyway, I know what you mean about gonorrhea. I mean, I know this guy who knows what you mean about gonorrhea.
Ron Darling is the only half-Chinese graduate of Yale that pitched (and won, if I’m not mistaken, a WS with the Mets in ‘85) in the Major Leagues.
And before we continue to discuss the announcing team’s antics - how about them Cubs? Shucks, they looked like my Pads on the field. They smelled up the joint. And what was Lou thinking when the sacks were chucked? Get Demptster out of there!
Tony was as he always was - a decent announcer. Of course, having been lucky enough to see most of his career I’m a little biased.
Adam check out this video on changing the name of wrigley field. They should not be selling the rights!!
CT
bocaj
BigFlax
StPatrick
TDubbs
That photo of Dempster reminds me of a photo of Hendry laughing that was posted on Desipio last season.
The photo on Desipio came with the caption “Yeah, yuk it up, asshole.”
Fitting, and appropriate this morning.