A Yankee Fan Predicts the Cubs-Dodgers NLDS
Just when you thought the Yankees’ elimination from the 2008 postseason would be the end of Yankees talk for the year, some idiot writes this idiocy. It’s time to face reality. Win. Lose. Tear their stadium down brick by dingy brick. There is no escaping the Yankees. I, for one, welcome our Yankee overlords and will embrace them by presenting the Cubs-Dodgers NLDS predictions from the eyes of a message board Yankees fan.
HIRE JIM ESSIAN: Thanks for coming in today, YanksFanSopranoLuvrJeets2.
YANKSFANSOPRANOLUVRJEETS2: Well, well, well. Look at the wittle, bitty babies in the postseason for the first time ever!
HJE: Huh?
YF: Ain’t it ka-yute that the Dodgers and the Cubs are finally in the postseason?
HJE: The Cubs were in the postseason last year. The Dodgers were in it in 2006. The Cubs have seventeen playoff appearances in their history. The Dodgers have twenty-six.
YF: Aww, the precious wittle babies have been to the pwayoffs a bunch of times! Isn’t that pwecious. Suck on forty-seven playoff appearances!
HJE: I’m not even sure how it would be physically possible to suck on that.
YF: It’s like my junk!
HJE: Neat. Anyhow, we’re here to make predictions on the Cubs-Dodgers NLDS, which begins tonight at 5:30 Central Time.
YF: Central Time? What the fuck is Central Time?
HJE: It’s the time zone that Chicago is in. It’s an hour behind Eastern Time.
YF: Are you trying to tell me that it’s not 12:30 by you right now?
HJE: No. It’s only 11:30 here.
YF: So, Yankee games come on at 6:00 out there?
HJE: Actually, we usually only get Yankee games that are on ESPN. So, like 75% of them.
YF: What?
HJE: Seriously. Anyhow, the Cubs are taking on the Dodgers tonight. Ryan Dempster is throwing against Derrek Lowe.
YF: Derek Lowe? Derek Lowe? Derek fucking Lowe? That fucking Red Sock?
HJE: Well, he’s with the Dodgers now. For, like four seasons now.
YF: Fuck that guy. You guys will light him up.
HJE: I agree, but mostly because he’s great in Chavez Ravine (9-5, 2.30 ERA, opponents’ OPS .541) but sort of crappy away from home (5-6, 4.42 ERA, opponents’ OPS .747).
YF: He’s also a former Red Sock.
HJE: Very good. I’d like to see the Cubs’ “Big Three” of Aramis Ramirez, Derrek Lee, and Alfonso Soriano get off to a good start.
YF: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Alfonso Soriano is still in baseball?
HJE: Yes.
YF: Is he still a jagoff?
HJE: I don’t- What? No, not really.
YF: That guy abandoned the Yankees.
HJE: The Yankees actually traded him for Alex Rodriguez, but that was like five seasons-
YF: Don’t even get me started on that useless piece of crap.
HJE: I would prefer not to. What do you think the keys to this series are?
YF: Joey Four Rings!
HJE: You’re referring, of course, to Joe Torre.
YF: Yeah, he’ll lead the Dodgers to a three-game sweep!
HJE: Really? Because the Dodgers were pretty mediocre until Manny Ramirez came over.
YF: Who?
HJE: Manny Ramirez.
YF: Manny Ramirez is a fucking Dodger?
HJE: Yes.
YF: Cubs in three.
HJE: You’re just going to change your-
YF: Cubs in three.
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Comments
djwoody Who knows how the postseason will turn out but I’m positively fucking THRILLED there are no New York teams in the playoffs!
Go Cubs Go!
JackB ESPN is currently thanking whatever deity they worship that the Red Sox made the playoffs. If not, they would have nothing to do over the course of the post season. ESPN wants the Dodgers to win so they can talk about Joe Torre some more.
Ned Ryerson “I’m rooting for Torre. I’ll always root for him, no matter what,” said Jason Cardona, a 33-year-old Yankees fan from the Bronx. “[Piniella] wasn’t like Joe Torre. He never won the World Series four times.
“I’ll root for Torre and hope he takes the Dodgers all the way to the World Series and beats whoever. He’s the best manager ever, and there’s no one like him.”
I hate people like this….he needs to drink green tea laced with cyanide and stop taking up seats at Yankee Stadium.
Adam fuck the yankees!
check out this video on changing the name of Wrigley Field. Don’t let it happen, they shouldn’t be able to just sell the naming rights after so many years of history!!
Bill Maybe it is time to take the wrecking ball to wrigley field. The Cubs cannot win there under pressure. It is a shame that the last time the cubs won the world series, Teddy Roosevelt was President.
If the Cubs get eliminated, which will probable happen, I will not watch any cub games in 2009 and donate all of my cubs t-shirts and cub cap to the Salvation army.
Also the fans need to finally give up on backing a losing horse.
CT
bocaj
BigFlax
StPatrick
TDubbs
I like the Yankees