It’s a Terrible Time to Turn on the Large Hadron Collider
If the Cubs decide to follow my clever plan to sweep the Brewers at Wrigley Field this week, they will have wrapped up their second playoff berth in two years. That hasn’t happened since, oh, 1907 and 1908, the only two years in which the Cubs have won the World Series. So, is it really a good time to be activating a doomsday device?
I’m really excited that the Cubs have already matched the win total of the 2004 Cubs, which was one of the best Cub teams I’ve seen. I’m thrilled that the Cubs abruptly opened up a large enough lead on the Brewers to get their manager fired. I was ecstatic that the Cubs managed to pin back the ears of the red-hot Astro bats to give up only one hit in eighteen innings of work. So, all I’m saying is, for the love of God, can we please unplug the Large Hadron Collider?
For once, the Cubs are the heavy favorites to represent the National League in the World Series. This is no time to be creating wormholes. I don’t want Game Seven of the World Series to be interrupted by a series of cosmic interlopers from a parallel universe in which Ryan Dempster is hilarious and Ronny Cedeno designs rockets for a living.
Sure, the LHC may very well help us unlock some of the mysteries of the creation of our entire universe, but if in the process, we are sucked into a world where baseball teams are made up of 25 Ryan Theriots, is it truly worth it?
The Cubs have finally figured out how to successfully accelerate a bat into the same general area as a baseball. It is not a good time to be rewriting the laws of physics so that Daryle Ward is considered skinny and Bob Howry’s fastball flies at a course of anything that deviates from arrow-straight.
Sure, the odds of the LHC actually bringing about the apocalypse are infinitesimal, but what are the odds of the Cubs winning the World Series? Do we really want to chance it?
Please, science nerds, I implore you. Turn off the Large Hadron Collider. The Cubs have a pennant to win.
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Comments
Mike D. I don’t want Game Seven of the World Series to be interrupted by a series of cosmic interlopers from a parallel universe in which Ryan Dempster is hilarious and Ronny Cedeno designs rockets for a living.
Shudder.
Irish Yeti @Feesh - I believe this post was laced with some sarcasm, too. Maybe he should have ‘d it.
Irish Yeti Originally Posted By Irish Yeti@Feesh - I believe this post was laced with some sarcasm, too. Maybe he should have ‘d it.
Well that didn’t appear right. Before the ‘d should have been a >green< but with the brackets the other way… That was to much work.
Feesh @Irish Yeti - Yeah… I was just remarking on the GROTA-esque-ness-ocity of it all…
Very funny, actually. Except for skinny Daryle Ward. That ain’t right.
JayBandit They already turned this thing on and have run it. Even if it did destroy existence…we’d never know, because we’d be dead already. So no worries!
*IAN I’ll be in Chicago for Games 3 and 4 of the World Series. The World Series better be in Chicago, or I’ll be sorely pissed.
Jaden This sucker got turned off 36 hours after its initial launch. It will be out of commission for 2 months
Looks like smooth sailing from here!
CT
bocaj
BigFlax
StPatrick
TDubbs
I don’t get this KurtEvans post at all.
Seriously, this belongs on GROTA.