Hire Jim Essian

It’s time for HJE to combat this losing streak and our alleged “slide” with an anti-jinx. We’re calling down the thunder and tempting the fates. Bring it, stupid fates. Forget the doomsayers. Focus on the Roundup:

• I hope everyone had a nice good freakout over Zambrano, especially now that it looks like it was probably a total waste of your time.
• I THOUGHT STUFF LIKE THIS ONLY HAPPENED TO THE CUBS!
• Suck it, fatty.
• Speaking of which, remember in 2003 when Shawn Estes had that shockingly good start which was a huge lift for the Cubs? It’s not quite the same, but last night was pretty awesome.
• What in the hell is this?
• Or this?
• The 1908 Cubs had a pretty awesome September.
• The world is finally realizing what Cubs fans have known for a while.
• Thank goodness the Orioles are retarded.
• Both Pat Hughes and Ron Santo are up for the Ford C. Frick Award. If Santo loses by a couple of votes, I’m going to yell, “Oh, GEEEEEEEEEZ!”
• Koyie Hill has a mutant hand that awakes at night and goes on murderous rampages.
• Not everyone is impressed with Josh Hamilton.
• If you were ever wondering what Ted Lilly’s screen name is, it’s “scarabic.”
• Holy Taco publishes God’s memos.

That’s it for me. There’s no better cure for a losing streak than a Dusty Baker team. Let’s go get two or three, but don’t freak out if we don’t, you big dummies.

-Sweet Uncle Lou