Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “But It’s Only Wednesday” Edition
Kermit is going out of town tonight and staying out of town until Monday, so the whole HJE gang is allowed take a breather if they want to. I can’t speak for Mike D., but I’m going to take advantage of it. But I wouldn’t dare leave you idiots without anything to read this week, so I’m doing the Friday Roundup on Wednesday. Does that BLOW YOUR MIND???
- Does it feel colder in Chicago this morning? That’s because the biggest source of hot air in the city is no more. Thanks to Weebs for the tip.
- Instant replay in baseball is stupid. Selig is stupid for instituting it. You’re all stupid for wanting it. I’m going to make my guys purposely hit borderline home runs so I can freeze opposing pitchers.
- You all need to shut up before you HOPE CURSE the team!
- Watching Brewers fans and Cardinals fans fight amongst themselves is sort of like watching your retarded younger cousin fight your slightly-less-retarded little sister.
- Cubs f/x’s “casual, unsophisticated analysis” (Harry’s words) of Carlos Marmol’s season is more formal and sophisticated than everything Kermit’s ever written even if you printed all of it out and dressed it in a tuxedo and a monocle, and then lit it on fire and used it to light a Cuban cigar.
- Paul Sullivan is already planning his flights in October, and he ain’t going to Sandals Jamaica, if you know what I mean.
- The four Pirates fans in attendance during this series in Pittsburgh are stupid. They do realize that Aramis Ramirez was TRADED to the Cubs, right? It’s not like he scorned them and chose to leave their organization to sign with the Cubs. And he was pretty damn good as a Pirate. So, what’s with the booing?
- I know there’s been a lot of “I’m scared of the Diamondbacks,” and “I’m scared of the Brewers” nonsense floating around lately. When exactly are you guys going to get used to the fact that WE’RE the team to beat?
- Oh, and we have arguably the best playoff rotation, too.
- Even dudes are in love with Mark DeRosa. Weird.
- Nice to see even a dumb twink can get something right every once in a while. Now if only he’d wear a collared shirt.
- It was going to be a tough decision for me come November, so it was nice of Obama to make it easy on me.
- In case you were wondering, I’m not going to try to reinvent the game of baseball like my college The Genius might try.
- I keep forgetting to post this, but Level 5 has pointed out that Kerm was 3-3 for B126 Cubs making this “shitty player” list 5-3 if you throw in Danny Jackson and Neifi Perez. But don’t tell Kermit. There’ll be no living with him.
- St. Patrick was nice enough to point out what HJE is going to look like if we win the World Series.
- It’s exactly this sort of backwards reasoning that got me kicked out of the Orgy Club.
Anyhow, HJE will be back up and running at full capacity after Kermit is back from invading enemy territory (he’ll be in old Yankee Stadium for the final Red Sox-Yankees battle, and then in Fenway on Saturday night for White Sox-Red Sox). I predict he’ll be the douchebag in Fenway in a Cubs hat, exacting a bit of vengeance on all the douchebags he sees in Wrigley Field in Red Sox hats. Have a great Labor Day weekend, you working drones.
-Sweet Uncle Lou
If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to Hire Jim Essian to get future articles delivered to your feed reader.
Comments
Cade This quote is full of awesome, Lou:
“”Do you throw out a red handkerchief or something?” Piniella said, referencing to the way National Football League head coaches challenge plays on the field. “I would love to be able to throw out a red hanky. Imagine throwing something out on a field and not be ejected.”
Bad Kermit Originally Posted By Poon
Hey Lou, what kind of jackass goes to see AL games when his team is in a playoff race?
This ain’t much of a race anymore.
PWS You got to give it to Obama for sticking with his team. The EASY thing to do would be fpr him to make some “I love baseball, I love Chicago, let’s all hug” statement. But Barack sticks with his boys, and I admire that.
Even if he’s wrong.
JayBandit I have to say, in general this year, Aramis was booed much less this season than the last two years. I think people are finally over the trade (or they’re such bad fans that they don’t remember it).
I honestly wouldn’t be surprised to see them boo Nady & Bay if they ever come through town again…
JayBandit “In case you were wondering, I’m not going to try to reinvent the game of baseball like my college The Genius might try.”
You mean…Colleague?
BigFlax I’m not scared of the Brewers, but I am a little scared of the D-Bags in a short series. Although if Webb could get knocked around by the Padres…
Mike D. @level5 -
More props for Level5:
He was proudly wearing his HJE “Todd Hundley” shirt to last Friday’s game.
It was nice meeting you, dude.
CactusMcHarris Originally Posted By BigFlaxI’m not scared of the Brewers, but I am a little scared of the D-Bags in a short series. Although if Webb could get knocked around by the Padres…
Big Flax,
This will count as one of the few highlights of the Padres’ season - sweeping the Dbags. Other than that, there’s previous little in the cupboard to celebrate. It’s as difficult competing for last place in MLB as it is first… look at Seattle/San Diego as the antithesis of Cubs/Anaheim.
level5 @Mike D. -
Thanks Mike it was a pleasure meeting you, and I’ve been bragging about this web site to every one who listens.
CactusMcHarris Originally Posted By Mike D.@level5 -
More props for Level5:
He was proudly wearing his HJE “Todd Hundley” shirt to last Friday’s game.
Mr. Level 5,
I’d proudly wear my Nick Hundley shirt if I had one. He’s no relation, apparently, to the one on the B126.
CT
bocaj
BigFlax
StPatrick
TDubbs
Hey Lou, what kind of jackass goes to see AL games when his team is in a playoff race?