Those Brewers Fans Really Know How to Celebrate
There’s nothing like a little successful baseball to bring out the money-grubbing douchebags. Why bother inventing something original when you can throw together a stupid catchphrase having to do with your favorite team (vaguely enough so they can’t sue the hell out of you), slap it on a sign, and sell it to a bunch of chumps who don’t know any better? It’s good to see that the Brewers have their own version of dimwit Cubs leech, John Murray. As you may be aware, the Brewers have begun a tradition of celebrating their victories by untucking their jerseys. Thrilling. Of course, some entrepreneur turd is trying to take advantage of the situation by trademarking the word “untuckem.” Yes, “untuckem.com (link removed on account of the owner of said link being a potty mouth).” Their motto is “The hardest working shirt on your back.” I just threw up in my mouth.
Of course, Brewers fans have always known how to celebrate, as they’ve had 7,121 fans as of this writing pledge to micturate down their own pant legs if the Brewers just make the playoffs. Stupid Brewers fans. If the Cubs ever win the World Series, I will undoubtedly soil myself, but not on purpose. Is there really no better way to celebrate in Wisconsin than to piss all over yourself?
There wasn’t. Until now. Thanks to ill-fitting t-shirts and uncomfortably hiked up pants, the untucking celebration is the biggest rage in Milwaukee since Laverne and Shirley put a glove on a bottle and waved giddily at it.
There is nothing more intimidating than the gentle rustling of fabric as 100 fans simultaneously yank their CafePress shirts out of their jorts in celebration. What will the Brewers think of next? Perhaps after each victory, every nearsighted fan in the park can take out their contacts. How about if at the end of each Brewers victory, the Brewers and their fans simultaneously check their voice mail? No, no. Men should move their wallets from their back pockets to their hip pockets and women should rummage through their purses. THAT is a celebration.
According to untuckem.com, “No fans in the league represent ‘blue collar’ people and a good, honest hard day’s work more than Milwaukee fans.” Really? Pirates fans are directing a hearty “fuck you” in your direction, Milwaukee. But, please, explain how this “untucking” works. “During the game wear your UNTUCKEMTM shirt, and when that final out is made untuck it to reveal ‘WE WIN!’ on the tail.” Picture that in your head for a moment. Isn’t that ritual sort of–what’s the word–humiliating? I imagine that everyone in the stadium not wearing those shirts is watching this ritual unfold sort of like this:
But maybe their upcoming INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEO will make the moment less awkward. That’s right. They’re doing an instructional video about HOW to untuck your shirt. Maybe Brewers fans would be better served with a video on how to climb onto a treadmill or how soap works. Just a thought.
As if that’s not enough, they have untuckem.blogspot.com (again, link removed because link owner doesn’t know how to play nice), a BLOG about untucking one’s shirt. A blog. An honest-to-God blog. And another emphatic blow is struck against a capitalist economy.
If you’d like to learn more about untucking your shirt, or if you have questions related to shirts, belts, and waistbands in general, please don’t hesitate to contact the instigator of this brilliant revolution.
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Comments
JackB I actually went to the blog site and my eyeballs fell out of their sockets in complete disgust. Thanks a fucking lot, Kermit. Do you know how much Braille keyboards cost? Do you?
Poon I propose they take it one step further with the tucking and untucking. Think Crying Game.
JackB Too funny. At least the sticker overlays are pretty cheap, in case I ever accidentally wander back to that site. I agree with BigFlax. This makes the “It’s Gonna Happen Guy” look like a MENSA member.
PenFoe Too bad a blind person wouldn’t be able to see how much those cost. Or probably even use the internet at all.
JD You want awkward? Remember the time some Brewers fans had a dinner party? It wasn’t very realistic, but it sure was awkward.
deep dish @JD - I wonder if two of those young, hip Brewers fans will get engaged this fall?
gut of gorman thomas well that only took about 3 days to get under a bunch of miserable cunts’ skin.
thanks for the free press, boys. much appreciated.
everybody has a bad century.
Bad Kermit @gut of gorman thomas - Ah, the 100 years argument. How original. The Cubs franchise certainly can’t measure up to the Brewers. It must take forever to dust off all those World Series trophies sitting in the Brewers front office.
gut of gorman thomas oh, and there was one thing we wanted to mention this morning after you helped us sell another 100 shirts…
if you want to sit down sometime and go over the lyrics to Go Cubs Go at your next Mensa meeting, we would be happy to attend.
now there, my friends, is one hell of a way to celebrate. let’s all sing a song together with the lyrical genius of my taint.
neat!
Bad Kermit @gut of gorman thomas - I promise you that not a single person who found your site via my site bought one of your ridiculous shirts.
Also, most Cubs fans I know think Go Cubs Go is a stupid song. Anything else?
Mike D. Originally Posted By gut of gorman thomasoh, and there was one thing we wanted to mention this morning after you helped us sell another 100 shirts…
neat!
100 shirts. Hilarious.
You’re so full of shit I can smell you from 90 miles away.
Do you even remember 1982, you retarded fucknut?
JD I like the song. I also like sweet tea, both versions of the Office, and teh Cubs being in first place.
gut of gorman thomas holy christ. 4 replies in 13 minutes. sometimes it’s too fucking easy.
let’s try this… Go Brewers?
Bad Kermit @gut of gorman thomas - And three from you alone in less than 20 minutes. Thanks for the hits!
Ernie Broglio The 100 year argument is relevant. Your franchise has pimped Cubs fans for years, putting one crappy team after another, and sat back to watch you gobble it down. To add insult to injury, y’all mindlessly and off key sing that insipid song.
Cubs blow it this year and they should burn down Wrigley, bury the logo and leave the City to the Sox.
No excuses.
Even if you do win, it will be 2708 before you snag 10 rings. GO CARDS!
gut of gorman thomas owner? potty mouth?
first of all you believe that i actually own the site? hilarious. the interweb is a powerful place if people believe everything they read.
secondly, you allow cursing and potty mouth behavior in your comments but not from a brewers’ fan so eliminate the link? shame on you. you should make a HORY KOW shirt and feel good about yourselves.
please, please, please put the link back up. please.
i just threw up in your mouth.
Drunk Cubs Fan So singing a song to celebrate a win is ridiculous, but untucking a shirt is the coolest thing ever? Why don’t you try putting on deodorant or milking a cow to celebrate?
CT
bocaj
BigFlax
StPatrick
TDubbs
Anybody want to make “Fuckem” shirts for the Brewers next visit?