Archive for July, 2008
God Damn You, Randy Johnson
Dear Randy Johnson,
God damn you. God damn you to your NASCAR God. I hope your Miller High Life ends with you alone and crying into a throw pillow upon which an embroidered Calvin is urinating on a Ford sign.
The Jim Essian Phenomenon
As you know, I try to avoid politics on HJE, but if we can’t get him hired, can we at least get him voted into office?
*I’m a dope and forget who gave me the link. Let me know, so I can thank you.
Friday Night Fukudome: The All-Star Battle Royale Edition
In honor of the shitty outcome of the All-Star Game, HJE is going battle-royale-style in this week’s Fukudome. Let’s just assume that everyone would blame Bud Selig over all other blameworthy candidates and leave him off the poll. Here are your combatants.
Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “Rest In Peace, Dustin Eglseder” Edition
Well, gang, the All-Star Break is over. Back to work for the boys in blue. Let’s finish this season up with some moxie, shall we?
The All-Star Game: A Yearly Reminder of Why Bud Selig Sucks
Yes, I know the All-Star Game was two days ago. At least it started two days ago. But the more I think about the game, the more annoyed I am. Not because the National League lost. Not because it took longer than a Steve Trachsel start. Not because Dan Uggla [...]
Mi Casa, Mi Casa
We here at Hire Jim Essian! don’t really do much by way of in-depth statistical analysis. You can, of course, find that type of stuff here and here, two fine sites that we heartily endorse. But we’re here mostly for the dick jokes.
Nevertheless, I have spent a good deal of [...]
These Muskbags are Getting Boring Instead of Just Stupid
The new Muskbag is full of everything, including shit. Away we go.
Lou Piniella Hates Carlos Marmol
CARLOS MARMOL enters the office of manager LOU PINIELLA. Lou sits behind his desk writing out a lineup card.
Friday Night Fukudome: Harden vs. Marquis
One is a bad pitcher who has shown a few flashes of brilliance this year. The other has been described as “fragile” by Mark Prior. One will most likely have more second-half starts for the Cubs than the other. So, who’s it going to be?
VS.
Rich Harden
Jason Marquis
Buy Me Some Peanuts and- Oh, What the F@#$?
Oh, sweet Lord. Our future, ladies and gentlemen.
*Thanks to Weebs for the awesome screen cap.
CT
bocaj
StPatrick
BigFlax
PenFoe