Friday Night Fukudome: The All-Star Battle Royale Edition
Posted by Bad Kermit on Fri, Jul 18, 2008
In honor of the shitty outcome of the All-Star Game, HJE is going battle-royale-style in this week’s Fukudome. Let’s just assume that everyone would blame Bud Selig over all other blameworthy candidates and leave him off the poll. Here are your combatants.
Corey Hart: This rag-armed Midgetface managed to get himself in a perfect position…to throw an eight-hop, limp-dick Juan Pierre special that allowed the only man in baseball slower than Paul Konerko to score on a routine Michael Young flyout to end the game.
Clint Hurdle: His skin isn’t the only organ that’s fried. How much brain damage do you have to suffer to (1) pinch-run for Aramis Ramirez after ONE at-bat in the ninth inning of a tie ballgame WITH CRISTIAN GUZMAN WHO HAD NEVER PLAYED A SINGLE OUT AT THIRD BASE, and (2) end an All-Star Game with the following lineup:
P Brad Lidge
C Brian McCann
1B Adrian Gonzalez
2B Dan Uggla
3B Cristian Guzman
SS Miguel Tejada
LF Ryan Ludwick
CF Nate McLouth
RF Corey Hart
DH David Wright
God damnit, Hurdle.
Brad Lidge: He gave up thirty hits, a walk, and the game-winning run in the bottom of the fifteenth inning, and he didn’t even have to face Pujols.
Dan Uggla: Has anyone ever seen ANYONE have a worse game than Uggla did on Tuesday night? Forget the three errors (if you can). Aaron Cook was pretty brilliant in pitching around them. Midgetarms also went 0-4 with three strikeouts, a GIDP, and SIX men left on base. Holy shit, dude. You are terrible.
Edinson Volquez: JD Drew? With two outs? With first base open and right-handed hitting Michael Young on deck? You fucking douchebag.
Billy Wagner: Midgeteverything couldn’t get ONE measly out in the 8th inning before surrendering the lead. Fuck the fucking Mets.
The choice is difficult, but it is one that must be made. Who do you have?
Tags: Billy Wagner, Brad Lidge, Clint Hurdle, Edinson Volquez
BigFlax
StPatrick
PenFoe
CT
Bocaj
July 18th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Lidge all day–not because he simply contributed to the NL loss, but because had he not coughed up the game-ender, a nation would have been able to watch Bud Selig choke on his own vomit, because the AL almost assuredly had nobody remaining that they could pitch. Kazmir was already pushed back from this Saturday’s start and he only pitched an inning as the last AL guy. Lidge only needed one inning, and he failed.
And I’m more mad at the walk-off he supposedly served up to Podsednik than the one he served up to Pujols. Loser.
July 18th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
I’m still convinced that Dan Uggla is Alex Gonzalez in disguise.
July 18th, 2008 at 7:03 pm
Kazmir was going to pitch another inning, and Drew would have pitched after that.
I can’t place too much blame on a guy who spent the past 8 innings warming up off-and-on. Lidge is damn good when he’s not facing Pujols.
July 18th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
Uggla was just too embarrassing for words.
July 18th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
Hurdle for me, but for a different reason. He brings up Lidge (a closer) SIX times to warm up. No wonder he had nothing.
July 18th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
Was it really six times? Good God. That’s criminal.
July 18th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
Fuck the fucking Mets indeed.
July 18th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
At least three times, one for each inning thrown after Vólquez. I think. I’m drunk, my mathematics are crooked right now.
July 18th, 2008 at 10:56 pm
gee whiz, I wonder what the toothpick chomping idiot Dusty Baker would have done?
July 19th, 2008 at 7:08 am
I’m going with Hurdle. He had Wagner warmed up but didn’t bring him in to face Drew.
July 19th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
Uggla. The Marlins are still killing the Cubs. 2003 NLCS. Juan Pierre for Ricky Nolasco and Reynel Pinto. And now Uggla.
Bastards.
July 19th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
On the other hand, Hee Seop Choi for Lee…
July 20th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
Uggla was god-awful, but I vote for Wagner – your job as a closer is to get a measly three outs without giving up runs. Now you only need to get one out and you can’t even do it? You suck. The pitches he threw looked awful, even.
July 21st, 2008 at 10:24 am
At least our pitchers looked pretty good. I voted for Uggla since I’ve never seen one player fuck up so horribly on defense and at the plate. The case could be made for any of the others on your list as well. You’ve GOT to leave Ramirez in the ballgame at third. I know he’s slow, but holy hell, you can’t assume you’re going to score in that inning. Rami+late innings=$. Not saying he would’ve won the game, but I’d take Rami in extras over Guzman, who was only there because someone from Washington had to be there.
Lidge pissed me off too, because Aaron Cook was nails and I really hated to see his performance spoiled. But there again, not totally his fault since he warmed up several times.
At that point, I really just wanted the game to continue just so Selig would have egg on his face. This game should not and should never have counted. Deciding home field advantage like this is just asinine and ridiculous. Selig overreacted to a bunch of crybabies who complained about the tie game in 02 and just made things worse. Now the game ‘matters’ but the issues that caused the 02 tie to occur haven’t been addressed. Just keep it an exhibition and if it ends up tied, so fucking what?