Lou Piniella Hates Carlos Marmol
CARLOS MARMOL enters the office of manager LOU PINIELLA. Lou sits behind his desk writing out a lineup card.
You wanted to see me, Coach?
Come on in, Carlos. I have great news for you!
Oh, God, what?
Kerry is out of the All-Star Game with blisters. You know what that means?
Please, Coach, I’m so very tired.
That’s right! You’re going to the All-Star Game!
Coach, I was really hoping to get some rest over the All-Star Break. In fact, I was sort of surprised that you didn’t shut me down for a week or so before the break.
Are you kidding me? You’re lucky you get an offseason. In fact, from this point forward, you don’t get an offseason.
But, Coach.
What are you doing right now, Carlos?
I was going to go see the trainer.
The hell with that, Carlos! I want you to throw a simulated game. Right now.
Coach, I just threw thirty-four pitches in one inning today.
And you’ll throw a hundred fifty more in twelve simulated innings!
Twelve simulated innings?
I want you to get used to game situations, and it’s entirely possible that we might get into a twelve-inning game.
Coach, I’m ready for game situations.
You’re damn right you are. And you’ll be ready for All-Star Game situations.
What, Coach?
I talked to Hurdle, and convinced him to let you throw all nine innings on Tuesday.
Why would you do that?
Because I hate you, Carlos. Now, I want you to use your right arm to help me move my desk.
Coach, your desk is solid oak!
Solid oak and filled with books
Where are we moving it?
Up a flight of stairs and then back down again. Four times.
Coach, that doesn’t really make sense.
Sure it does. But we’re not going to get anything done until you help me unjam my industrial paper shredder.
What’s jammed in there?
A red-hot curling iron.
How in the world did you get a curling iron stuck in there?
Never mind that. Here, hold my chainsaw.
Can I turn it off first?
No, you may not.
Coach, why are you punching me in the arm?
Just helping you loosen up.
You’re hurting me.
Ha ha ha! You’re okay, Carlos. Now, get out of here. Take the back stairs. I just had them greased.
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Comments
BigFlax JayBandit notes the actual reason Marmol was selected. But I hope that with Lou on the bench, he’ll try to keep Marmol from actually pitching in the game… it seems to finally be occurring to him that Marmol simply can’t pitch every day. That Gaudin inclusion is looking better by the second.
trueblue That was great. Just the reason I love this site. This site even encouraged me to start my own blog.
Bad Kermit He also didn’t ask him to pull a red-hot curling iron out of an industrial paper shredder, as far as I know.
Andy I was thinking on Sunday that Marmol has to be the first person ever called into the manager’s office, fearing that he’s being sent to AAA, only to be told he’s going to the All-Star Game.
This is almost as bad as the time Mike Sharperson couldn’t make his second All-Star appearance because he was on the DL due to his own death.
CT
bocaj
BigFlax
StPatrick
TDubbs
Piniella didn’t choose to have Marmol sent to the All Star Game. He was next in line in player votes behind Woody.
Nevertheless, this seems like a story not very far from the truth…