Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “Hard-On” Edition
Remember that day the Brewers had a better similar rotation to ours? I bet that was a fun 24 hours in Wisconsin, unlike every other 24-hour period that has ever occurred in Wisconsin. Anyhow, here’s your Roundup:
- This Orlando Cabrera character really seems like a heck of a good teammate.
- I like the idea that Jim Bowden is listening to Cristian Guzman offers. What are the offers? “Hey, Jim! You want me to shoot Cristian Guzman for you?”
- Lucky for Gaudin, he’s already learned to know and fear my death stare.
- Hard-on is excited to be here, and we’re excited to have him.
- Mariotti inexplicably decides to attempt to create a controversy between Harden and Zambrano.
- Jason Dubois hit three home runs. No, not in a season. In a game. Seriously.
- Yo, Tony! Now that Mulder’s career is over, you want Marquis back?
- None of you mortals can possibly be sadder than Ozzie. Ozzie is the SADDEST, you assholes!
- Silvy and Waddle are a heck of a good interviewing team. Look at this brilliant series of questions they asked Rich Harden.
Silvy: Do you know what you’re getting into?
Waddle: What are your emotions?
Silvy: When did you know you were going to be traded?
Waddle: How is your shoulder?
Silvy: Are you trying to prove your health to yourself?
Silvy: How is your shoulder?
Waddle: Have you had any welcoming phone calls from new teammates?
Silvy: What do you know about Piniella?
Waddle: Are you aware of the Cubs 100 year World Series drought?Not a single statistical question. Not a single non-fluff meatball. Great interview, you shitheads.
- Maybe the Astros should stop farting in each others’ mouths.
- If you have a hankering to judge Jim Hendry’s moves as the Cub GM, here is a good starting point.
- Hockey at Wrigley? Will wonders never cease?
- I’m glad the Brewers got Sabathia. An organization that classy deserves a good player.
- Screw maple. This is my kind of bat.
Well, that’s it for the Roundup and for me. Enjoy the weekend and enjoy the EXTRAORDINARILY IMPORTANT All-Star Game.
-Sweet Uncle Lou
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BigFlax
PenFoe
StPatrick
CT
CactusMcHarris
That bat gets more action than I do.
Dubois, yet another long line of AAAA players. I saw him a few years ago when the Iowa Cubs played the Nashville Sounds and he was a beast in that game, too. If you put him and Murton together, you’d have a power hitting OF who could maintain a high average. Still wouldn’t be able to field, though.
Jay Marriotti: still an idiot
Orlando Cabrera doesn’t like to talk to his teammates and manager? Gee, I can’t imagine why. Between fuck dolls with bats in their asses and never knowing what the fuck your psychotic, bi-polar asshat of a manager is gonna do next, I think I’d wear my uniform right out the door everyday and just change at home. He’s got a calender and he’s looking past the playoffs and a potential World Series to the Hot Stove league, texting his agent every single day. Keep the faith, Orlando.
Speaking of Ozzie, I think the Cubs should claim Ozuna off waivers just to fuck with him.
I agree about Ozuna Jack. It is seldom this easy to fuck with the Whitesox without getting in trouble for it.
So a bat ends up in a teenager’s bra and they release it into the wild and say it was just looking for a dark, safe place. But my hand ends up in a teenager’s bra and I get arrested. Doesn’t seem fair.
Awesome.
I look a bit like a date rapist in that photo, no?
I thought this was funny shiat…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Wells
On July 9, 2008, it was reported on CSN Chicago that Wells had signed a one year minor league contract with the Chicago Cubs.
You kidding? You’re a chick magnet, Dick Hardon. The broads are lining up right now. The Mark DeRosa fan club is gonna be mighty lonely now that Rich is in town. No Roofies needed. That half cocked smile, those knowing eyes, that five o’clock shadow, Christ IM getting turned on.