Since Lou got tossed before Morgan and Miller were able to give him his ESPN interview, HJE was good enough to catch Lou for a locker room interview. And by “locker room,” I mean “bathroom.” The handicap stall. He said he likes to stretch his legs.

HJE: Lou, it’s been a rough series for you guys so far, huh?

LOU: (Grunts.) Rougher than that one! I think it just came out sideways!

HJE: Lou, you were thrown out of the game earlier arguing balls and strikes.

LOU: No, I got thrown out for telling Fairchild and Drake that they should make a “2 Umps, 1 Cup” video. (Grunts.) They can use that!

HJE: Lou, the team is down 3-1-

LOU: God damnit!

HJE: I know. They’re not playing very well right now.

LOU: No, I just realized there’s no toilet paper in here. Can you throw some over the door?

HJE: Sure. Lou, how much do you guys miss Zambrano and Soriano?

LOU: As much as Quade misses the toilet. It’s a goddamn mess in here!

HJE: Do you feel like you’re sort of weathering the storm until you get your big guys back?

LOU: No, we’re supposed to win every game we play! (Farts.)

HJE: So, Lou, did you intentionally get ejected?

LOU: Hell yeah! I really had to take a dump, and I’m sick of looking at Guillen. Why does that guy’s hair always look wet?

HJE: I have no idea. So, Lou, at least you have the Giants this week.

LOU: Yeah. And speaking of giant. (Grunts.)

HJE: Well, the important series is coming up next weekend against the Cardinals.

LOU: Even as you speak, I’m drawing a Cardinal on each ply in here. And it’s two-ply, so that’s a lot of work.

HJE: Sounds like it. Are you worried about Carlos Marmol’s recent struggles, Lou?

LOU: No, but I am worried about the fact that everything in here looks green. EVERYTHING.

HJE: Maybe you should have that checked out, Lou. Thanks for the interview.

LOU: (Flushes.)