Three More Years! Three More Years!
That’s right, nerds and perverts. It’s your old pal Jay Mariotti here. I’m back, baby! Three more years of Jay! It’s a lucky day for Chicago!
I don’t like to use hyperbole, but this is the greatest signing in the history of the Sun-Times. Or, it’s the worst, depending on how this works out. Whatever. I won’t acknowledge this column if I end up failing miserably.
The Sun-Times is the one place for independent, politically unimpeded sports commentary in Chicago. Why is it unimpeded by politics? Because I don’t understand them!
It also provides for a strong base from which to connect with readers while I continue my television work and branch into other broadcast and Web ventures. I love connecting with you readers. I love when I write something and I get an outpouring of e-mails. It lets me know you’re out there. Some of them even teach me new words. Like, I didn’t know what “felching” was until you readers suggested I try doing it to myself.
“What Web ventures does Jay have in store for us?” you ask? I’m glad you do. The Web is so influential, that I capitalize it! I remember when the Web was invented, and I wrote a big, long article saying it would never last, and that it would be Lou Piniella’s fault when it failed. But it looks like it’s not going away, and I have to break off a piece of that sweet action. So, I’m starting JayO.com! That’s right! Twenty-four-hour coverage of me, jaying myself oh. I don’t just do it by way of my articles, you know.
I’m also going to continue screaming at the top of my lungs and making illogical, uninformed arguments on your television. Thanks to modern technology, some of you will even be able to see me do it in high-definition! These doughy neck folds just aren’t visible on standard televisions.
So, rejoice, Chicago! It’s half past Jay and time to party! Three more years of cutting-edge sports commentary coming at ya!
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Comments
Weebs JayO.com is unfortunately taken. But you can get JayO.net for the uber-cheap price of only $895.00!!!
CactusMcHarris What’s the big deal with him?
He’s to sports what Rush is to political commentary - something to stir the masses up and create ‘interest’ and attention. He can point to the fact that a large number of predominately males of a certain age group (and buying power) will read him as one of the first acts of the morning, right up there with having a pleasurable sit-down.
If in the morning you like to read about baseball may I suggest Donald Honig’s ‘The Glory of Their Times’? It’s, unlike Jay’s column, smarm-, weasel- and poopy-head-free.
RV There are definitely a few JO-related websites already up and running:
- http://www.theJO.com has information on Dump the Pump day for all you Kansas City natives.
- And if you’re looking for Just JO (I’m assuming no ghey stuff), check out http://jocalling.blogspot.com/
Tonker You’re dead right. The conversation over whether to re-hire him or not undoubtedly went along these lines :
ST Exec 1: Mariotti’s up for renewal.
ST Exec 2: What a cunt.
ST Exec 1: Yes, he is a cunt. He gets a lot of publicity for the paper, though.
ST Exec 2: Three years?
ST Exec 1: Yep. God help us.
ST Exec 2: I need a shower.
CT
bocaj
BigFlax
StPatrick
TDubbs
Someone should snatch JayO.com up soon…