If it wasn’t funny enough that some people were actually in an uproar that Sweet Uncle Lou wasn’t thrilled about dragging his best-in-baseball team to a small town in New York to play a meaningless game for no good reason, then it just got funnier. There is at least one person on this planet who (1) actually cares about the Hall of Fame Game, and (2) cares enough that he actually pays for and maintains (read: wrote one article for) a website in support of the game. Wow. If you don’t mind, I’m going to deconstruct his “18 Reasons to Save the Hall of Fame Game.”

1. The Bigger Picture: The Hall of Fame Game has survived a world war, player strikes, steroids and more for almost 70 years in order to help maintain what is right and true about our national game. Bud Selig has always been fond of noting all of the many accomplishments he has achieved during his tenure as commissioner. One very black mark on his legacy will be the death of the Hall of Fame Game. The Hall of Fame Game doesn’t need TV ratings, ad revenue or 24-7 news-cycle hype to survive. It only needs 10,000 baseball fans — young and old — and two Major League teams for one day a year. That’s all it takes to greatly impact a deserving community, and remind spectators and participants alike that baseball is a glorious game, and an undeniable part of American culture and identity.

You know what else would greatly impact the Cooperstown community? A meteor.

2. This is What We Mean: Read this email from one concerned fan and parent.

Mr. Dupuy, Mr. Fehr and Mr. Petroskey,

This year marks the 4th consecutive HOF game I’ve gone to with my son, who’s now 10, my nephew (9) my brother and another father/son combination. My son’s dream since he could talk was to play in the Major Leagues. He’s played every since he could hold a ball, and continues to play baseball exclusively, year round. Aside from the HOF game, we’ve visited Cooperstown annually (since he was 3) as we’re fortunate enough to live in the upstate NY area. Recently we’ve even incorporated an extra visit when we camp in the Cooperstown area.

FOUR CONSECUTIVE HOF GAMES?! How do you have the energy?

With all that baseball has survived, how can you not consider what the fans have had to also endure? MLB has certainly made it very difficult throughout my lifetime to remain a dedicated fan of the game. Aside from the things listed above, the cost alone for an average guy to take his son to watch his heroes play the game gets more and more out of reach. Having the HOF game kept it REAL and enabled the average guy like myself to not only attend a game, but attend a game at our most favorite place on earth-Doubleday Field in Cooperstown. Why does MLB continue to take away from the fans who truly want to keep baseball cherished and preserved?

Yes, the Hall of Fame Game is the only way you “average guys” can go watch heroes like Robinson Chirinos play baseball. Us fat cats are sitting in the upper deck at Wrigley Field in top hats and monocles, twisting our mustaches, comparing our portfolios, and lighting our cigars with $100 bills.

The day this was announced, my son literally broke down and cried. I cried with him.

Sounds like a pretty passionate family. No, wait. I just looked up the definition of “passionate.” Turns out, I meant “pathetic.”

If there is an ounce of compassion in your bodies, you MUST reverse this decision.

Sincerely,

David C.

Are you really delusional enough to believe that there might be an ounce of compassion in Donald Fehr’s body? Fehr carries around rancid meat just so he can feed it to stray dogs. Fehr thought I Am Sam was hilarious. Fehr hates the taste of foie gras, but he orders it anyhow. Maybe you should send this e-mail to Oprah instead. Fake, indignant compassion is better than no compassion.

3. The History: Since 1940, 124 Major League teams have played in Cooperstown. In fact, Cooperstown has a longer history with Major League Baseball than almost half of the big league metropolitan areas today. Take some time to read through the game recaps by decade (linked on the right-hand side of this page) and you’ll be told some amazing stories about future Hall of Famers, rookie debuts, called shots, unique moments and more, and none of it would have happened if not for the Hall of Fame Game.

Yes, how could I forget about all those great moments in Hall of Fame Game history? Like that one time Ruth called his- No, wait. I think that was a World Series at Wrigley Field. Well, how about when Kirk Gibson had that one at-bat- Or was that in Dodger Stadium? Well, surely Cooperstown was rocking to the Shot Heard Round the World. Even though it didn’t happen in Cooperstown.

Face it. Even the All-Star Game, which is at least twice as interesting as the Hall of Fame Game, has had only one truly memorable moment, and that one only occurred because Pete Rose is a dick.

4. Don’t Let Greed Win Out: Major League Baseball has been experiencing unprecedented growth and popularity at the box office in recent years, and every decision that is made — whether to launch the World Baseball Classic, start its own web site or send teams overseas to play — is made with an eye focused squarely on the financial gain of such a decision. For almost 70 years, the Hall of Fame Game has been the one thing that has been done in the best interest of the fans and of the sport — not as a business, but as a game. You can pretty much guarantee that if Doubleday Field held 50,000 people — or if a major American city that was not already a Major League city was the Home of Baseball instead of 2,000-resident, located-in-the-middle-of-upstate-New-York Cooperstown — this game would be scheduled and played.

You guarantee if the game was profitable, it would continue to be played? Is it cold way out there on that limb?

5. The Connection: Yankee Stadium, as we know it, will close its doors following the 2008 season. That leaves Doubleday Field, Wrigley Field and Fenway Park as the three ballparks in America where a current Major League player can dig the same hole in the batter’s box, or stand atop the same mound, or field the same section of the field, as many of the true icons of the national game. Since 1939, more than two-thirds of the Hall of Famers whose careers would have made it possible to have played on Doubleday Field have done so, almost exclusively as a result of playing in the Hall of Fame Game.

Oh, this is an important American history thing? Then I am going to campaign for one game next year to be played on Omaha Beach. One team can get dropped off in landing craft and have to swim up to the beach while the other team hits fungos at them from the tops of the surrounding cliffs.

Also, I have read this sentence three times, and I still have no idea what you’re trying to say: Since 1939, more than two-thirds of the Hall of Famers whose careers would have made it possible to have played on Doubleday Field have done so, almost exclusively as a result of playing in the Hall of Fame Game. Whaaaaaat?

6. The Icons: Here’s just a partial list of the game’s greats that have played in Cooperstown: Hank Aaron, Yogi Berra, Roberto Clemente, Joe Dimaggio, Jimmie Foxx, Hank Greenberg, Harmon Killebrew, Mickey Mantle, Eddie Mathews, Willie Mays, Stan Musial, Mel Ott, Cal Ripken Jr., Robin Roberts, Brooks Robinson, Jackie Robinson, Babe Ruth, Mike Schmidt, Ozzie Smith, Duke Snider, Willie Stargell, Lloyd Waner, Paul Waner, Ted Williams, Dave Winfield, Carl Yastrzemski, Robin Yount.

And here’s just a partial list of who would have played in yesterday’s game had it not been rained out: Junior Lake, Cesar Salazar, Bryan Jost, John Contreras, Robinson Chirinos, George Matheus, Alvaro Sosa, Dwayne Kemp, and Kevin Soto, and pitchers Yohan Gonzales, Julio Pena, Rogelio Carmona, Miguel Sierra, Jeff Antigua, Luke Sommer, and Carlos Rojas.

7. The Local Economy: According to local news report, Cooperstown Mayor Carol Waller said the village receives about $30,000 from ticket sales for the Hall of Fame Game, and local businesses (restaurants, retailers, hotels, etc.) that rely on the Hall of Fame Game to provide the second-most profitable weekend on the calendar will be heavily affected by the decision to end the annual event. This matters in a tourism-heavy economy that largely relies on the May-October period of the year to do a large amount of its business.

$30,000 for ticket sales / 2,000 people in Cooperstown = $15 per person GONE!!! STOLEN BY THE EVIL ENTITY THAT IS THE MLB!!! My advice for the Village of Cooperstown. Since you currently only have two weekends of the year when anyone wants to be in your town, maybe you should consider putting up a Starbuck’s.

8. It’s Not About the Schedule: It seems hard to believe that, in 2008, it’s more difficult than it was at any other point in history to find one day during the season when two Major League teams could make their way to the Home of Baseball in order to visit the Hall of Fame and play an exhibition game that is meant to celebrate the national pastime. Major League Baseball can schedule games in Japan, China, Mexico, Memphis, Orlando and Puerto Rico, so isn’t it likely that they could find a way to hold a game in Cooperstown?

If it wasn’t equally stupid that the MLB schedules games in Japan, China, Mexico, Memphis, Orlando and Puerto Rico, you’d have a really good point. Games played in most of those places didn’t count, just like the Hall of Fame Game doesn’t. These players have only a handful of days off during the season. It’s silly to waste their time and energy traveling to play a meaningless game just so clowns like you can reminisce about the “good old days.”

9. The Kids: According to that same news report, Cooperstown High School students could lose an average of $9,000 to $11,000 earned by running the concession stands at the game. Year after year, those earnings are a key financial component to funding the senior class trip to Washington, DC, which for many from the small community in upstate New York will be their first and only trip to the nation’s capital.

Come on. Really? We didn’t even get a senior class trip. I DEMAND THAT THE MLB COME PLAY A BASEBALL GAME IN MY BACKYARD SO I CAN GO TO BARABOO, WISCONSIN AND GO ON THE WATER SLIDES!

10. The People of Cooperstown and Central New York: Don’t allow Major League Baseball to flex its corporate muscle and kill a good thing without even discussing it with the folks that it will affect the most. Besides the economic impact of the decision, for most residents in the broader area of New York state that Cooperstown sits within, the closest Major League city is 4-6 hours away. The Hall of Fame Game is their one opportunity every year to see Major League Baseball without having to break the bank on gas or ticket prices.

Man, I didn’t realize the Village of Cooperstown was so impoverished. Maybe if there weren’t 30 different customized bat shops competing with one another, the economy would be a bit more balanced. Also, if you ever find yourself “breaking the bank” on 4-6 hours worth of gas money, it might be time to consult a financial planner.

11. The Home Run Derby: The left field line is 296 feet, the right field line is 312, and the gaps are anywhere from 336 to 350. If you’ve never been to the Hall of Fame Game’s Home Run Derby and seen the houses of Cooperstown getting bombed by big league blasts, then you’ve been missing out.

Those poor bastards can’t afford to replace all those broken window panes, you heartless son of a bitch.

12. The Stories: During the 1961 game, Brooks Robinson, the Orioles third baseman, learned that he was a father for the first time, as the public address announcer informed the game day crowd. “That was a very special day,” Robinson recalled in 2003. “What made that even more special was the fact when I went into the Hall of Fame in 1983, my oldest son went to Cooperstown for the first time. On the day he was born, I was playing in Cooperstown, and then his first visit is to see me inducted.”

It seems to me the fact that it caused Brooks Robinson to miss the birth of his first child is an argument AGAINST the Hall of Fame Game.

13. 1941: In just the second year of the game, future Hall of Famer and then National League president Ford C. Frick instructed the Cincinnati Reds and Cleveland Indians to play, despite the driving rains, so that the thousands of fans in attendance would not go home disappointed.

And 67 years later, BAM! Pitcher Geremi Gonzalez was hit by lightning. Coincidence? I doubt it.

14 1943: Because of the strain that World War II was putting on the nation’s gasoline reserves, the Brooklyn Dodgers rode into Cooperstown on horseback, while spectators walked, rode bicycles and also came by horse to view that year’s contest. How difficult must that have been on scheduling?

Are you going to plagiarize this whole thing, or are you done?

As for your scheduling question, it probably wasn’t that hard. Unless- Oh, no. You don’t think they actually rode on horseback across the entire country, do you? I suspect Leo Durocher made sure his guys were on those horses for about a block. The Dodgers were in Boston playing the Braves on July 18th. They went to Cooperstown on July 19th to play the White Sox, and then had until July 21st to get to Cincinnati for their next game. Oh, the Dodgers also played nine fewer regular-season games than the Cubs and Padres will play this season.

15. The Ticket Line: Before the internet, tickets to the Hall of Fame Game would go on sale at the Hall of Fame itself, and people would line up for blocks and camp out in order to get tickets to the one-time-a-year event. High School students at Cooperstown risked detention or suspension for a chance to get tickets to the Hall of Fame Game, but they camped out all the same. Thankfully, the Hall will return to on-site or phone orders only this March.

Also before the internet, I didn’t have to read stupid shit like this. This was probably your finest point, though. This game should continue because it encourages truancy. I guess that’s the sort of argument I should expect from someone hosting a web site who apparently hates the internet.

16. The $10-12 Seats: Where else in America can close to 10,000 people sit and watch a game from seats that are practically on the field and only cost $10-12?

You mean within thirty minutes of me? Just two places. Kane County and Schaumburg.

17. The Batboys and Ballgirls: Every Cooperstown Central School senior baseball and softball player looks forward to the chance to interact with the big leaguers for just one day.

And for those thirty people, THIS GAME MUST CONTINUE!

18. It’s Simple: You love the game of baseball, and you respect its place in American history and culture.

I do all of those things, and I still think the game is idiotic.

Instead of just posting silly rhetoric, here’s an idea. Why not offer reasonable alternatives? Why not schedule the game for the day after the season ends, but before the postseason? You can have two non-playoff teams put on a show for the crowd, and give the players compensation for showing up. That way, no one risks a season-ending injury, or even unnecessary fatigue. Heck, it might even be cool for the people who have tickets to not know which two teams will be playing until a few days before the game. But what do I know? I’m a mustachioed Monopoly guy sitting in the stands at Wrigley and taking a dump on the grand history of Major League Baseball.