Hire Jim Essian

Read from the bottom up. Just like a real e-mail conversation!

Dear Jake,

I’ll be sure to tell them “Jake sent me.”

Bad Kermit

On Mon, Jun 16, 2008 at 12:40 PM, Jake wrote:

> Dear Kermit,
>
> Questioning authority. It’s been around since Roman times, just like Old
> Style beer. Old Style beer. If you drink enough of it, you might have a
> toga orgy with mostly dudes.
>
> Jake the Old Style Guy
>
> On Mon, Jun 16, 2008 at 12:35 PM, Hire Jim Essian! <
> badkermit@hirejimessian.com> wrote:
>
>> Dear Jake,
>>
>> Exactly how “local” is Old Style? Don’t you guys brew your beer up in
>> Milwaukee?
>>
>> Bad Kermit
>>
>>
>> On Mon, Jun 16, 2008 at 12:34 PM, Jake
>> wrote:
>>
>>> Dear Kermit,
>>>
>>> Screen doors. They’re a local thing, like gardens, driveways, and
>>> missionary-style sex.
>>>
>>> Jake the Old Style Guy
>>>
>>> On Mon, Jun 16, 2008 at 12:30 PM, Hire Jim Essian! <
>>> badkermit@hirejimessian.com> wrote:
>>>
>>>> Dear Jake,
>>>>
>>>> Krausening means they piss in the beer, right?
>>>> They only took down that car spire to get you to stop doing these
>>>> commercials. That’s also why G. Heileman puts laxatives in the beer.
>>>> Or is it normal that I’m able to shit through a screen door the morning
>>>> after?
>>>>
>>>> Bad Kermit
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> On Mon, Jun 16, 2008 at 12:26 PM, Jake
>>>> wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> Dear Kermit,
>>>>>
>>>>> That may very well happen. The only thing that gets more
>>>>> fully-krausened than I do is cold, refreshing Old Style beer. It’s been a
>>>>> tradition in Chicago for over 100 years.
>>>>>
>>>>> Jake the Old Style Guy
>>>>>
>>>>> On Mon, Jun 16, 2008 at 12:18 PM, Hire Jim Essian!
>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>> Dear Jake,
>>>>>>
>>>>>> That made about as much sense as the commercial where you talk about
>>>>>> the bungalow architecture in Berwyn. I hope you get a DUI while trying to
>>>>>> find your house.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Bad Kermit
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> On Mon, Jun 16, 2008 at 12:16 PM, Jake
>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Dear Kermit,
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Angry e-mails from frogs. They’re a Chicago thing. Like drinking up
>>>>>>> a nice, cold Old Style beer. Think local. Drink local.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Jake the Old Style Guy
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> On Mon, Jun 16, 2008 at 12:12 PM, Hire Jim Essian! <
>>>>>>> badkermit@hirejimessian.com> wrote:
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Dear Jake,
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Kermit, the Hire Jim Essian guy here. “Local” used to mean
>>>>>>>> sweet, catchy commercials like the Victory Auto Wreckers commercial, the
>>>>>>>> Eagle Man commercial, and the 588-2300 Empire commercial. Now, it means
>>>>>>>> listening to you. You are about as “Chicago” as Kevin Costner’s accent in
>>>>>>>> The Untouchables.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Go drown yourself in Bundy Fountain.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Bad Kermit
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>
>>>
>>
>

http://www.wrigleyville23.com *IAN

I don’t know where this came from, but I’m printing it out and magneting it to my fridge.
Booze, broads, and bullshit

That was great!
“If you drink enough of it, you might have a toga orgy with mostly dudes.” $50 says Jake took his chances with the word “mostly”
Reuschel’s Jowls

Old Style has never truly been “local.” (It was first brewed in LaCrosse, Wisc., and has been brewed in Milwaukee since ’96 or so). But it was the top-selling beer in Chicago until the late 80s, IIRC, hence all the Chicago sentimentality over the stuff. (It was the standard cooler full of brew at every family cookout growing up in the ‘burbs, as well as the standard high school beer bash choice — undoubtedly due to the $7.99 price per 30-pack — in my teen years).

But those radio ads do suck dead bunnies. And here I thought the TV spots from a few years back with the talking goat were the low point…

And yes, it’s complete moose-piss. But it’s OUR moose-piss, right? Right?

(Let’s not forget the most important reason to drink Old Style at Wrigley… by doing so, you aren’t helping, even indirectly, to put money in the pockets of the ownership of the St. Louis Fucking Cardinals…)

Steve

And EVERY bar had the Old Style sign out front when I was growing up (before they even had 30 paks so we had to buy 2 regular cases)

Booze, broads, and bullshit

“before they even had 30 paks so we had to buy 2 regular cases”

Now we just but two 30 packs

http://www.ghostofpaulnoce.blogspot.com JD Noce

12 bottles for $5.99 downstate. That’s the only reason I was an ole style man.

It’s the best cheap beer around…of course, I may be in the minority on that.
http://www.weebmachine.com Weebs

It was up until about Jake’s third reply that I thought this was a real conversation. That would have been epic.
RV

You have to give some credit to the ad wizards at Old Style…I figured there was no way they could come up with something worse than those stand-up “comedian” commercials they ran a couple years ago. Looks like I got FACED by the G. Heileman marketing mopes.
Jarritos

When I was growing up, it was nothing but icehouse. It has a higher alcohol content and is just a cheap. However, it’s a Miller beer, so it’s related to the Brewers.

Shouldn’t the official beer of the Cubs be Goose Island or something?

http://hirejimessian.com Tonker

If memory serves, Goose Island even has a beer called Ryno. However, I don’t remember being able to buy a bucket of Ryno for ten bucks.

Andy

I drank enough Old Style in college that I feel personally responsible for G. Heilmann having enough cash to hire a talentless jerkoff like Jake.

The 30 packs were epic. Not as epic as the dumps you would take the next day, but epic.

The highlight (lowlight?) of my sophomore year was the Jim Harbaugh game in Minnesota. My friend Wheels and I were watching when the second interception was thrown and Ditka turned purple, we sent our buddy Asshole’s girlfriend (she had the best fake ID–we called her Beautiful, but she wasn’t–she looked anywhere from 17 to 47 depending on how many lightbulbs were working at The Bottle Store) to get us each a 30 pack. Which we drank. That day.

It’s a different kind of drunk, you know, the kind that takes hours to acquire. Normally when you drink all day you’re on a boat or at the golf course and you add heat to it and it’s horrific. When you do it inside in the fall, it’s not exactly hard work.

I was drunk for a full day afterwards, and hung over for almost a week. It was almost 15 years ago and the beer shits should end any day. I hope.
http://www.jaredsportsriff.com jaredprebish

Can I get Old Style In Virginia? I hear the commercials all the time on XM

http://hirejimessian.com Bad Kermit

Probably. The question is, do you want to?
HST

Don’t bother. Hunt down some Yuengling and all is good.

http://www.jaredsportsriff.com Jared Prebish

Maybe only during Cubs games, which would be all summer. In tough economic times, you gotta do what you gotta do
Tim Vandevoorde

Hi Jake This Is The Year For tHE cUBS fORGET JIM ESSIAN AND STICK WITH LOU PINIELLLA tIM vANDEVOORDE cUBS fA N
Tim Vandevoorde

fORGEWTjIM ESSIAN TIM VANDEVOORDE

Think Local; Drink Local

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