It’s time to give CT what he wants and adopt Soto Popinski as Geovany’s nickname. The kid is delivering knockout punches as frequently as the big, pink Russian with the Bob Brenly mustache. In the bottom of the 8th inning Wednesday night, Soto punched a three-run home run into the basket known only to Joe Morgan as Banks Boulevard to give the Cubs a 10-5 lead. That sounds like icing on the cake, but the game had threatened to shift momentum in the Braves’ favor. In the top of the 8th inning, the Braves touched up Bob Howry, pulling to within one run of the Cubs. Soto helped put them away moments later. In his young career, Soto has had a penchant for coming up with big home runs. Of Soto’s fourteen career home runs, five of them have been when the Cubs were trailing, two have come in tie ballgames, and six more have come when the Cubs were up by only three runs or fewer. Oh, and one of his “blowout” home runs came against the Brewers, only after he’d already launched a three-run home run with the Cubs up only 3-0. That’s a hell of a high percentage of “clutch” home runs. Since he’s been ice cold lately, it’s easy to forget how fantastic Soto has been for the Cubs this year. If you haven’t already, you should be voting for him for the All-Star Game. Now that he’s been christened appropriately, it’s time for a Soto Popinski interview.

HJE: Thanks so much for sitting down with us, Soto Popinski.

SOTO: You are the one who is sitting, LAZY AMERICAN! HA HA HA HA HAAAA!

HJE: Very good. So, Soto, congratulations on the great start to your MLB career. To what do you attribute your success?

SOTO: Vodka! We drink to my success!

HJE: No, thanks. I’ve actually been hitting it pretty hard already this morning.

SOTO: You are as weak as you are lazy! HA HA HA HA HAAAA!

HJE: I don’t know. I’m pretty lazy. So, you’ve also caught about twenty-eight percent of the guys who have tried to steal on you. That’s more impressive than it seems, since often your pitchers don’t give you much of a chance to throw anyone out.

SOTO: I punch out runners and then drink to their health! HA HA HA HA HAAAA!

HJE: It looks like you have a great chance at representing the National League as the starting catcher in the All-Star Game. If you make the All-Star Game, how will you prepare to catch some of the greatest pitchers in the game?

SOTO: I drink to prepare for a game. Tonight I am very prepared!

HJE: Me, too, big boy. Anything you’d like to say to all the fans who’ve supported you this year?

SOTO: You are all weak, foolish sheep! HA HA HA HA HAAAA!

HJE: Thank you for the interview, Soto. Good luck against the Braves tonight.

SOTO: I will liquor them good!

HJE: What?

SOTO: Lick them. In that context, it means “beat them.”

HJE: Oh.

SOTO: Stupid American. HA HA HA HA HAAAA!