You Gone, White Sox
Congratulations, White Sox. This is officially the last coverage you’ll ever get on HJE. You get very little coverage to begin with because, quite frankly, most Cubs fans with half a brain couldn’t care less whether you win, lose, or take a lethal overdose of methamphetamines. Quite honestly, the only time I can be bothered to root against your pathetic, second-rate team is during the Red Line Series or when my backup AL team, the Minnesota Twins, completely depantses you.
But Wednesday night, enough was enough.
After the Cubs dropped to a completely unacceptable .900 winning percentage in the last ten games, I flipped from WGN to Comcast Sports Net to see if Lou Piniella’s post-game press conference was on. Instead, you were bumble-fucking along, trying to put away the mighty Kansas City Royals in the 15th inning.
Moments after I changed channels, and fewer than five minutes after the Cub loss, a segment of the 700 Sox fans in attendance began a chant. In a 4-4 tie in that 15th inning, your one good hitter, Carlos Quentin, came to the plate in front of your record store clerk favorite slow white guy, Paul “Pauly-K” (CLEVER!) Konerko. And what was the chant that arose in the hallowed stands of U.S. Cellular Field?
Was it, “Carlos! Carlos! Carlos!”
No.
Was it, “Let’s go, White Sox! CLAP! CLAP! CLAPCLAPCLAP!”
No.
It was “Cubs lost! Cubs lost! Cubs lost!”
That’s the most middle-child, second-rate, Northside-obsessed display you’ve put forth in a long history of putting forth such displays. In order to counter-balance such obsession and keep order in the universe, HJE is willing to chip in to help. So, we’re done. Never again will HJE acknowledge that there is more than one MLB baseball franchise in the fair city of Chicago. You’ll be absent from any power rankings. You will no longer be referenced by name, even during the Crosstown Classic.
But first, some parting shots:
- Your manager is a narcissistic, delusional rageaholic with a shitty career .264/.287/.338 line and the behavioral tendencies that suggest he’s a wife-beating, child-neglecting, promiscuous sack of crap. With herpes. Even when you’re in first place, your stupid shithead manager can’t manage to keep his mouth shut. Nope. Not Ozzie. He rips his boss, he rips his coaches, he rips his players. I wish he’d rip his larynx.
- Your TV broadcast team is the biggest joke in all of baseball. Thanks to the power of the internet, not only Cubs fans are subjected to the absolute torture of the worst home run call, the poutiest pair of juvenile, failed-GM, mediocre-player bitches, and the most embarrassing homerism (you Sox fans do realize that Hawk had his lips around the cocks of the Red Sox and Yankees before he started fellating your South Side club, right?) in all of baseball. It’s not that tough to call a home run five seconds after it bounces around in the bleachers, assholes.
- Steve Stone is a pompous fucking douchebag. I don’t care what he’s done in the past. He sucks now, and it’s not just sour grapes. I thought he was pretty horrible for his last couple of years with the Cubs. You can have him. Enjoy listening to him play dress-up G.M., since no organization in its right mind will ever hire him to do the job for real.
- Your ad campaigns are as entertaining as playing connect-the-dots with the red blotches on Hawk’s face. The “Win or Die Trying” campaign? I was pissed you chose “win.” The ads with your idiot players holding up Roadrunner signs that 60% of the fans can’t even read? Annoying. The radio ads where some stupid bitch gets all excited about talking to Jermaine Dye? Horrible.
- The list of shithead players who have worn Sox uniforms is longer than my- Well, it’s long. Perhaps no team was worse than the one which had fatass Carlos Lee, perfectly-groomed Jose Valentin, crybaby Frank Thomas, and overrated Mark Buerhle. Jim Thome is the only player you’ve ever had that isn’t at least half douche.
- You cheated your way through the 2005 playoffs. And you know you did. And you’re proud of it.
- Your stadium sucks. “Yippee! We have food!” So does prison.
- You don’t have anywhere near the number of fans that the Cubs do. Get over it. There’s a reason you can’t fill your park, and it’s because there just aren’t enough of you. I love how every Sox fan’s excuse is, “We’re just too smart to support a losing team.” Nope. You’re just too unemployed to afford it.
- I would pay upwards of $100 to watch A.J. Pierzynski be forced at gunpoint to eat a warm bowl of his own vomit. $1000 if it was my vomit.
So, kiss off, White Sox. Go ahead and win or lose. HJE couldn’t care less. You’re nothing but an afterthought and a joke to us, you always have been, and you always will be.
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Comments
al I think your right with Sox fans concerning themselves with the Cubs losing then their team winning. My main concern is what goes on in the NL central. Having the Sox win or lose has no bearing my my day whatsoever. I pay very little attention to what they are doing because it doesn’t directly affect the Cubs other then when they meet in interleague
Irish Yeti I could have swore there was an occurence of this last year. The White Sox more concerned about the Cubs than themselves. Fucking douchebags. Plus I have to sit through Mike North every morning raving about how the Cubs are a product of a weaker league and how the White Sox are the team that is actually good. Fuck those guys. Everytime I think of the White Sox, I think depressed unemployment line fans.
Slaky A lot of people like to say that Sox fans hate the Cubs and Cub fans don’t care.
Not true in my case. I openly and proudly hate the White Sox. I hope they lose every game they play.
LizzieG Nice use of ‘bumble-fuck’ as a verb. And I appreciate the dig at Steve Stone, why so many Cub fans still like him is far, far beyond me - the White Sox can have him.
Mike D. I’m with you, Slak. Of course, when our team is playing that’s all I’m concerned about at the time. When I’m at Wrigley, I’ll take notice of the out of town scoreboard and will smile if the Sox are losing. But you’ll never see me chanting “Sox lose” when I’m actually at a Cubs game that is still going on.
What a bunch of sackless chodes.
Jon That’s where I’m at. I fully believe there are no actual White Sox fans, just Chicagoans with varying degrees of hatred for the Cubs.
Mike D. Yeti,
Why do you have to listen to that toolbox? Is your radio stuck on “On” and the dial stuck to 670 AM?
Fro Dog Don’t forget while walking around U.S. Never Cell Out Field, people start “Cubs suck” chants even when they are not even in town. They also rather see the Cubs lose than have their team win. Pathetic.
HelloWorld Well, if all politics are local, then sports is even more than all. It’s the only station where there is a reasonable chance of some Cubs blather in the morning.
Fred Huebner (sp?) cracks me up with his, I do not hate the Cubs, just their fans. So Fred, you work for a business that depends on listeners. You are decide the smart move is to give a pass to 25 people and proceed to trash on the 3M potential listeners. Good business sense.
Not saying any of the Chicago sports talk is good, but the Mike North show is the absolute worst. I’s unfunny and uninteresting. The only other choice though is listening to more Jon Lester fellatio on Mike and Mike. Mostly, I listen to NPR, although North did have Len on this week, which was interesting.
HelloWorld Not this year, I want CC wearing a red C on his uni. I hope the Sox keep pulling away from Cleveland.
And at the couple games I have caught at the cell, never Crosstown, as I do fear the methheads, I always enjoy the $200 Sox Jersey with “Cubs Suck” as the player name. Wow, I just want to ask them, “you do know that the Sox are playing the Royals today?” or “really tiny penis, huh? sorry for you.” Fun times.
Irish Yeti Like he said, it’s about the only place I can get some Cubs talk. I live pretty far south of Chicago and all that I get here is some very retarded in the morning, or KMOX-St. Louis which is definitely out of the picture. So, I settle with them but every time North goes on and on about the Sox and how the Cubs aren’t good, it infuriates me to no end. The only guys I actually do like on their are Boers and Bernstein because they’re major smartasses.
Jarritos This .900 winning percentage is real fucking unacceptable. Now we have to wait eleven more days until Bob shaves his mustache and Len grows his.
Thin blonde mustaches are creepy, which is what makes this so funny.
Thrillho Creepy and illegal.
Next you’ll want to adopt children.
Slippery slope, Jon. Slippery.
JD Noce Trashy fans.
Trashy players.
Trashy history.
More concerned with a team that ISNT EVEN IN THEIR OWN LEAGUE…why?…because they can’t forge a true rival in their own league.
You are correct sirs. There are no Sox fans. Just people who hate the Cubs.
Poon As a Cubs fan that actually lives on the South side, I’m with ya Slaky. I never used to really care about them until the fair weather spawning in fall of ‘05. Since then it’s been nothing but a mass of Guillen loving ass hats jumping at any opportunity to say “He Gone”. The worst is when you see a very attractive young lady completely ruin herself by wearing an A.J. Wrestezinski jersey. I blame the parents.
Irish Yeti Also, Dr. Yeti does not approve of the picture. It ruins the moral fabric of this nation. As does this: http://www.sportsline.com/mlb/story/10854740 Unless they were hot, then it’s okay.
HelloWorld Boers and Bernstein used to be OK until steroids became a story. Now it seems they are steroid talk radio.
LizzieG Um, yes. Some of us girls know how to use the interwebs too. :) I read every post but I usually just lurk because I don’t have a great background baseball/Cubs knowledge, having only followed the Cubs religiously the since ‘03 (I know, I know) and the shoutbox scares me.
Bad Kermit And with that, I’ll get to work on drafting that restraining order against TDubbs.
StPatrick I’m doing the slow clap. This is worse than when Boston fans chant “Yankees Suck!” at football, basketball, and hockey games. At least they’re division rivals.
Ned Ryerson You left out Super Bowl Championship Parades. But I agree…at least the wins and losses have an impact on the other team.
Dan Mega “Go ahead and win or lose. HJE couldn’t care less.”
Seems like you care a lot if you write a huge post about it.
PS- I thought Cubs fans didn’t care about the Sox?
Dan Mega I’m a Sox fan and I don’t hate the Cubs.
Barack Obama doesn’t hate the Cubs and he’s a Sox fan. Then again, he’s black, so you probably wouldn’t want him in your fanbase.
Fuller Schettman Never knew this place existed before today. So call me a first- and last- time visitor.
For all of the hand-wringing over so-called Cub-session, there is sure a lot of Sox-session going on in this so-called rant.
Take it from a champion, when you’re a loser and post blather like this it comes off as sour grapes.
Go and bring home a title, then you get the right to talk out of your arse.
Oh, did I mention…Take It From a Champion?
Just checking…
Cheeses “You will no longer be referenced by name, even during the Crosstown Classic.”
:rolling:
Queen out much? Christ, man, get a grip.
Martin Your so-called criticism of his so-called rant against your so-called team citing your so-called one championship that you so-called won in so-called 2005 is so-called typical and so-called stupid. And by “take it from a champion,” I assume you mean the shorts or sweatshirts because you sure as shit haven’t won anything. The team you root for won, and that will never make up for the pathetic Napoleonic complex infecting 90% of their fan base.
CW Wrigley is better than US Cellular!
The Cubs have more fans!
The Cubs have hotter babes!
The Cubs have more hilarious racist T-shirts!
The Cubs have better post-game shootings on mini-bat day!
The Cubs didn’t have to resort to cheating in the their LCS, they had enough honor to pout their way out of contention after a minor error and blame it on a fan!
The Cubs never have had douchebag whiners like Carlos Lee or Frank Thomas! They only employ class acts like Kent “I hate those mean announcers” Mercker, Michael “I pick fights with my team’s Cy Young pitcher” Barrett, Sammy “Hope yoooo like salllllsa” Sosa, and Alfonso “Hippity Hoppity” Soriano!
I’m convinced!
sandinojones Buzz Bizzinger would not like all the potty-mouthed language in your diatribe. You’re full of shit besides, because I don’t believe for a second that a mouthbreather like you struggling to “write” for a blog like this could afford to ignore the White Sox. It’s just too darned sexy to poke fun- and quite frankly- too darned easy sometimes. But I digress…
I just wish the cubs would win a World Championship already so we all can go back to REALLY hating each other like we did in the old days. It’s no fun until the cubs do.
CaptainBallzHatesUrShittyBlog The last few replies have left a lasting pwn stain on this shitty excuse for a blog…
Go ahead, keep “not caring” about the Sox for another 50+ replies…
“But DUUUUUDE, teh Cubz get 102+ repliez!!! Woo!! Crackhead Macot!! Woo!!!
digdagdug So, what your saying is, White Sox fans are classless because they chant Cubs Lost? (Which, btw I was watching the game, and did not hear it, and rewound the DVR and still can’t hear it, do you have dog hearing?) But it is totally okay for classy Cubs fans to litter the field with trash, throw 50+ balls onto the field, and pour beer on an opposing CF’s head?
Each fan base is guilty of more than its share of knuckleheads, and I make no excuses for any of them, least of all ours. But to sink as low as you have, with what I would call the epitomy of classlessness, racist, and hateful speeches is deplorable.
Me thinks you doth protest too much.
Bad Kermit Sweet. Some shitty Sox blog must have found this post. Surprise, surprise, they all came swarming over here to defend their team. Thanks for further proving my point, morons.
CW your point?
you mean that sox fans would be strangely amused by some dude spouting off tired, mostly untrue shit about the team they follow?
Consider your point proved!
Cheeses I take offense at Soxandthecity.net being called a “shitty Sox blog.” It’s a shitty Sox website, moron. Get your facts straight.
digdagdug Yeah, because he went over to Comcast hear about the Cubs losing, and had to watch the Sox win…………..what a travesty. Damn that Comcast to hell!!!!
100 years !!11!!!!!ONE!!!1!!
McDoofus Paul “Pauly-K” (CLEVER!) Konerko
This from a guy who’s got the ever so original “Ozzie kissing his son” picture on the side.
The Goat So let’s review: some Cubs fan has declared the city’s championship baseball team is of no interest to him.
Well, that’s not a shock: White Sox baseball isn’t and never was for suburbanite douchebags. Not being useless tourists, Sox fans have never needed safety of crowds, so it’s perfectly understandable that one more frat-boy clone has decided that the actual city - and the things in and of it - isn’t for him. For most Cubs fans, Chicago is just a name of a place they ALMOST live in.
Nor is it any surprise that a Cubs fan would rip Steve Stone, as Stony pays far too much attention to the game of baseball for the taste of Cubs fans.
What is going to be a surprise is how little summer traffic there will be on the Edens expressway once Cub Nation has to cope with the trifecta: this November marks the start of the Cubs second losing century, a Sox fan taking the oval office and the countdown to the wrecking ball coming for Wrigley.
There’s gonna be some sad faces in Glencoe when their beloved ivy-covered urine trough comes crashing down. I think this inevitable date with the sandman is what is really bothering Kermit.
Poor guy. I feel baa-aaa-aaad for him.
Anachnid_Piggy Logic dictates that by throwing away all your White Sox allegiances now means that at some point in your miserable life you actually cared for them. Common sense would also like to point out all the blatant contradictions in your post. Let’s see, on your little blog you decide to right an angry post abut stuff you don’t really care about? Who’s “Soxcessed” now?
Weebs You’re write. He does right an angry post about all kinds of stuff he has no write to care about. Thank God all the Sox fans can reed and right so well that they can make all these witty comments. The irony of your post just makes me laugh. Maybe I’ll go right abut all my laughing.
Mike D. Were you born retarded or did you get run over by the short bus that you “smart” brother took to school?
I don’t know where you come off saying “White Sox baseball isn’t and never was for suburbanite douchebags. ” That is so stupid it glows in the dark. I don’t even know what it means. Do the Sox exclude suburbanites? If so, why do they have such a huge fucking parking lot? For all of the bungalow dwellers who can easily take the CTA? You really think Comiskey draws more people from Bridgeport, Beverly, Midway and South Shore than Palos, Orland, Tinley and Naperville? That’s where all the fuckign Sox fans live now, you toothless moron.
The rest of your post seems to be you airing your own issues about the Cubs. Nobody said anything about Wrigley. Nobody deingarted Obama because he is supposedly a Sox fan. Keep swinging at those imaginary windfalls, pal. The DT’s and hallucinations will subside when you lay off the rubbing alcohol for a few days.
Ryan Beariot First, i used to be a sox fan. then i grew up and stopped assaulting umpires and first base coaches.
second, your entire point is null and void because you used the phrase “soxcessed.” please die.
longshot7 Kermit, you’re a sad sad little frog. I feel pity for you. Maybe your team will actually win something in the next hundred years. That is, if you actually cared about winning - but of course you don’t, you’re a Cubs fan.
Jay Mariotti Sox fans suck. They have Jews, Blacks, Mexicans, and other undesirables. Harry Caray was always a Cubs man and Wrigley Stadium is the bestest place ever! Woo!
TDubbs I’m proud of you.
I barely even know how to spell my own name, but I still pretend like I know stuff about the Cubs. Go ahead and Shoutbox. Now that IAN can’t get on it at work, we’re down one femail. We’re all harmless. Except for morph. I think he stabbed a couple of guys back in the day.
See you at Pint tomorrow?
“I’m a rageaholic! I’m addicted to rageahol!”