Hire Jim Essian

Since Lou got tossed before Morgan and Miller were able to give him his ESPN interview, HJE was good enough to catch Lou for a locker room interview. And by "locker room," I mean "bathroom." The handicap stall. He said he likes to stretch his legs. HJE: Lou, it's been a rough series for you guys so ... Read More

This particular FNF has absolutely nothing to do with anything that's happening with the Cubs right now. I was just marveling at how ugly the Duncan brothers are. I imagine it's tough to climb the Duncan family tree, since it has no branches. VS. Chris Duncan Shelley Duncan ... Read More

Well, well, well. Lookie who's the first Cub to make the All-Star Team. Soriano? Bitch. Soto? Bitch. Fukudome? Bitch. Anyhow, it's Roundup time. Hey, I thought you couldn't pull fat. Congratulations to the Fresno State underBulldogs for winning the College World Series. QUICK! Someone drop a bomb on Deadspin while they're both there! Rick Kranitz ... Read More

On Saturday, in front of a fan base whose hobby of obsessing over them is exceeded only by their penchant for hurling racial epithets at minorities who walk in front of their bungalows as they sit on their stoop and drink gin made in their bathtub, the Cubs will play their eighty-first game of the 2008 campaign, the literal half-way ... Read More

Have fun with this one. CLICK FOR LARGER IMAGE ... Read More

I always love when people less competent than I am get canned. It also helps when they're uneducated, loudmouth jackasses. So imagine my joy when I heard that, Mike North, the radio equivalent of Jay Mariotti was done at the Score. Let's get something straight. This will not make me start listening to the Score. ... Read More

I know several of you tried to make the Muskbag this week (including me). My question didn't make it. Did yours? How do we vote for All-Star pitchers? I think more than anyone, Carlos Marmol should be an All-Star, and it's tough to get a middle-relief pitcher on the team. How can we get him there? -- John T., Nashville Another ... Read More

After Ryan Dempster and Kevin Millar spent their Spring Training verbally sparring through the media, HJE decided what better way to settle this once and for all than Dempster/Millar point/counterpoint? HJE: Allowing Wanna-Be Comedians to Play Public Grabass Since 2008. POINT: With our offense still clicking on all cylinders, even with the loss of Alfonso Soriano and with Derrek ... Read More

The world is a little less funny today after the passing of the great comic George Carlin. He will be missed. Carlin baseball goodness (transcript for you soundless workaphiles followed by video) is below. Do yourself a favor and watch the video, though. Baseball is different from any other sport, very different. For instance, in most sports you ... Read More

Petty? Juvenile? Trifling? YES. And I love it. After Saturday's game, when the Ozzhole said that Jim Edmonds wasn't a good acquisition for the Cubs (Jim is putting up a .311/.358/.581 with the Cubs, by the way), he had to trot his team out for a 7-1 drubbing at the hands of Ryan Dempster, Lou ... Read More