Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “Whatever Jim Says” Edition
Did anyone catch my press conference before Wednesday’s game? It was pretty awesome, if I do say so myself. Someone asked me if I thought the signing of Jim Edmonds was a low-risk, possibly high-reward transaction. I laughed and said, “Whatever Jim says,” to the delight of the entire room. I still got it. Anyhow, here’s your Roundup.
- Did JAY MARIOTTI just tell all of you to shut up about Edmonds? That’s as awkward as it was when I had to explain to Edmonds that we don’t “double up” on shower heads in this organization.
- Oh, and by the way, Jay. I knew you were a dimwit, but stealing your articles from HJE? That’s pretty low. Even for you.
- One good thing about the Edmonds signing is that it appears to have pissed off Cardinals fans far more than it pissed off Cubs fans. After all, they’re the ones who are basically watching their ex-girlfriend pork their brother. That’s probably not a wise analogy for Edmonds, is it?
- The Brewers signed Ryan Braun to an eight-year contract for $45 million. That’s $100 for every error he’s going to make throughout the life of that contract.
- Remember how jerks like Kermit thought I was mad to put Ryan Dempster into the rotation? Well, yesterday he set a career high in strikeouts (12), shutting out the Padres for 8 1/3 innings, running his record to 5-1, and lowering his ERA to a sparkling 2.35 mark. Meanwhile, Kermit got drunk in his basement, cried a little, and ate a whole box of Triscuits. Who’s mad now?
- Kermit had been having his best week ever until disaster struck in the form of a possibly herniated disk in his hero’s back. I guess when you hit the living shit out of the ball like Ward does, sometimes you might hurt yourself.
- It’s awful nice of a 6-1 stud ace pitcher to apologize to a washed-up asshole Cardinal. It’s going to be even nicer watching Zambrano spin for a “pickoff throw” to second and drill Jimbo between the eyes with a 98-m.p.h. heater.
- Apparently, we signed a stud shortstop from Korea. Since he’s already in high school, he must have a better arm than Theriot at this point.
- Oh, Dusty. Just keep doing what you’re doing. To hell with adjusting and adapting.
- “Shoulder discomfort”? “MRI”? “Mark Prior”? I know all of those phrases, and they feel vaguely familiar, but I’m not sure how they’re connected. See you on the Pirates in 2010, Mark. You asshole.
- I like the fact that this Ryne kid is coming out of his shell. Did he ever play baseball?
- Speaking of guys who wasted their baseball lives, Angel Guzman threw a ball without bursting into flame. That’s a good thing, right?
- How many siblings do you think Stevie Eyre has in his stomach? Enough to start a basketball team?
Well, that’s it for me. I have to get the team ready to beat the Pirates for the 80th time this year.
-Sweet Uncle Lou
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BigFlax
PenFoe
StPatrick
CT
CactusMcHarris
I think you should register the “Ire Jim Edmonds” domain name.
Well Kerm, maybe if you told me there were delicious Triscuit crackers I could have enjoyed them with you.
because i enjoy pain, i started reading through the mariotti shit. my “favorite” part has to be where he says that maddox has no natural gifts. the ability to put the ball anywhere he wants it is not a natural gift? really? i mean, maddox “never has been a rock star” and he apparently farts a lot, so that makes him an average to good ballplayer.
and then he compares him to eddie harris from major league. stay classy, jay mariotti. i hope to smash your knees in with a tire iron if i ever meet you.
What is that dipshit from Cardinals Diaspora talking about?
“But it’s about the PT right? From the get go he may get more playing in Chicago time than anywhere else, since the Cubs desperately need a LH stick”
The Cubs have the best offense in baseball right now. They ‘need’ a LH stick like Busch stadium needs more toothless women wearing Rolen jerseys.
For that matter, wasn’t Fukudome the LH stick in the OF the Cubs so desperately chased in the offseason? Still, we’re hitting 19 points higher against lefties than righties right now (and 26 points of OBP), so I guess there’s at least an argument for it.
There are always Triscuits, Eric. Always.
The phrase I took issue with was “desparately”. A team leading all of baseball in scoring doesn’t “desperately” need anything.
And one could make a case the Cubs hit better against lefties because of the high amount of horrible shitty lefties in the NL they’ve faced. Ohp! Don’t look now but there are two more coming up this weekend.
Yeah, is it really necessary for the Cubs to get crazy production from every last spot on the field? Center is the only place that’s not hitting, and you’re scoring tons of runs – why not keep the best defensive guy possible out there and hope his offense comes around?