Friday Night Fukudome: Jim Edmonds vs. The Edmund Fitzgerald

His legend lives on from St. Louis on down,
Though he liked to have sex with a collie.
The Padres had said, “His career isn’t dead,
“He can play center field, though it’s roomy.”
Before trades they could explore, he struck out twenty-four,
Times, and his power numbers were empty.
With his dog, he got nude, ‘cuz cats are such prudes,
Though he double-bagged it, he came early.

The Padres said, “Bye,” and Jim Edmonds, he cried.
It appeared his career was now over.
He frosted his tips and put clamps on his nips,
And he gave his poor dog a good greasing.
He called up his friend, Gerald Thompson again,
And they left to get loaded in Cleveland.
And later that night they played “Hide the Wang,”
Sometimes giving’s as good as receiving.

When breakfast time came the housekeeper showed up sayin’,
“What is going on with that collie?”
She closed tight the door, then passed out on the floor,
For the shock of the scene was too bawdy.
But the rumors spread wide; there was no place to hide,
It was up on YouTube by four thirty.
And still do they cry, “Gerald fits Edmonds tight,
“And that pervert Jim Edmonds fits Gerald!”

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