Congratulations, Slezak; You’re a Dumbass
Well, Carol Slezak, congratulations. You’re up in arms once again, bitching and moaning about the White Sox for putting inflatable sex dolls in their locker room. Let me repeat that, Carol. IN THEIR LOCKER ROOM. Far be it from me to defend the White Sox for anything, but Slezak has about as much right to complain about what the Sox do in their locker room as I do to complain about the lack of urinals in a lesbian bar. There’s no goddamn reason for either one of us to be there, anyhow, so both of us should just shut up.
What the Sox did was a silly, juvenile joke, intended to lighten the mood and take some pressure off the team. But let’s take a look at Carol’s article rant, and dissect it piece by piece.
White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen curses this city for failing to give the Sox organization proper respect, but he has no problem with the infantile and sexist “shrine” his players erected in their locker room.
So, Ozzie Guillen is an idiot who is completely obsessed with the Cubs, and he’s sexist. I don’t see how that’s a conflict of personality.
Designed to help the team break out of its slump, the shrine featured two female blow-up dolls surrounded by ‘’strategically placed” baseball bats and was accompanied by a sign that read, ”You’ve Got To Push,” Canada’s National Post reported.
Dolls, right? Not actual women, right? Dolls with plastic heads and vinyl bodies that look less like a real human being than a Barbie doll would, right?
”A few of the bats were doing naughty things,” Sun-Times beat writer Joe Cowley wrote in his blog. Apparently one of the dolls was propped up by a bat in its rear end. Whether the lewdness was intentional or not, this was inappropriate. As were the blow-up dolls. Period.
Why? Because you, the most ridiculously uptight reporter in Chicago, said so? Oh, I know what your article is missing. This logical leap: “The display is offensive because it suggests that the White Sox condone the act of shoving a baseball bat up a woman’s ass.” Maybe you left it out because you’re a bad writer. Maybe you left it out because you typed it up and realized just how silly that argument sounds. But it at least would have been an argument.
The actions of the Sox, in erecting (hee hee!) a “sexist shrine” in their locker room consisting of inflatable female sex dolls with bats shoved up their rear ends is about as sexist as Spinal Tap’s Black album cover. THEY’RE DOLLS. The Sox didn’t have naked pictures of actual women plastered around their locker room. They weren’t watching porn. Hell, they didn’t even “peel a section” for each win like the guys in Major League did. I would also like to point out, Carol, that you’re up in arms about something YOU DIDN’T EVEN SEE, AND ABOUT WHICH YOU’RE HEARING SECOND-HAND REPORTS.
Neither Guillen, his players nor anyone else in the Sox organization had attempted to conceal the shrine from reporters before the Sox played the Blue Jays on Sunday at Toronto’s Rogers Centre. And on Monday, Guillen defended the display (which had since been taken down), rationalizing that the team treats female reporters respectfully, and besides, he has seen a lot worse during his big-league career. So what’s the big deal, anyway?
So, they’re respectful to actual, living, breathing women, but they joked around with some plastic dolls. Good question, Carol. What is the big fucking deal?
Apparently the sensitivity training classes Guillen attended after using a gay slur in 2006 did not include a segment on blow-up dolls.
No, they probably didn’t. Because teaching someone to treat an inanimate object with sensitivity is about as insanely stupid as this article has been so far.
Just so we’re clear, had there been any female reporters working Sunday’s game — my understanding is there weren’t — the Sox could have found themselves in legal trouble as a result of the display. It’s also possible male reporters were offended by the display.
What exactly is the hypothetical female reporters’ legal argument, Carol? Intentional infliction of severe emotional distress? Because, you know, you need to actually show some psychological damages for that. Do you think anyone is going to need therapy after this? Are you trying to make a case for sexism in the workplace? Because, you know, they don’t actually work in the White Sox organization. As for a male reporter feeling offended, do you really care what Bwuce Levine thinks?
Let’s also point out that any reporter that walks into a men’s locker room is going to see some actual, real-life doo-dads right out there in public. Are you really making the argument, Carol, that seeing a wooden bat protruding from a plastic doll is going to be more shocking to a reporter’s senses than actual wang?
But this isn’t about reporters’ feelings. Reporters are conduits to the fans. What a team does behind closed doors is its own business. But once the locker room opens, the franchise is on public display. So, how do you like your team now, Sox fans? Do you think the players respect women? I’m not so sure about that.
Yes, Carol. You’re my conduit to my favorite sports teams. You are the true “voice of the fan,” if the fan is a bitter, frigid librarian who considers white bread “scandalous.” While we’re on the point of the locker room being open, please allow me to voice my opinion here. FEMALE REPORTERS SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED IN THE LOCKER ROOM. Sorry, but it’s completely ridiculous that these athletes shouldn’t allowed to be guys in the sanctuary of their own locker room.
However, I also believe that female reporters shouldn’t be at a disadvantage as compared to their male counterparts. So here’s my very simple solution. NO ONE is allowed in the locker room. These reporters can wait an extra 10-15 minutes so the guys can grab a shower, put some pants on, and meet them in the INTERVIEW ROOM. Problem solved. Everyone’s happy. The players have some privacy. The reporters are on equal footing. No one has to look at the lewd and lascivious displays in the White Sox clubhouse.
Can you imagine the Yankees or Red Sox building a similar shrine in their locker room, in full view of clubhouse visitors? Can you imagine Joe Girardi or Terry Francona allowing that to happen? I can’t.
I don’t think Francona would give a shit. That psychopath Girardi, though, won’t let his players have CANDY in the clubhouse. Is that really a valid point?
While Guillen has no problem with the shrine, he has definite issues with where the Sox rank in this two-team baseball city. His Sunday sermon proved that.
”The Cubs haven’t won in 120 years, and they’re the [bleep]ing best,” he said. ”[Bleep] everybody. We’re horse[bleep], and we’re going to be horse[bleep] the rest of our lives, no matter how many World Series we win. We are the bitch of Chicago. We’re the Chicago bitch.”
Why is he wasting energy on the Cubs? More important, how can he complain about a lack of respect while his players are worshipping blow-up dolls in the locker room? It’s absurd.
No, absurd is equating the one with the other. I notice you skipped the part where Guillen said all the fans in Chicago are basically idiots. Because THAT WAS SO OFFENSIVE TO ME AS A CHICAGO SPORTS FAN. By the way, it’s spelled “worshiping.”
That’s not to let the players off the hook. Who among them thought this was a good idea? How could the so-called team leaders — Paul Konerko, Jim Thome, Mark Buehrle, Orlando Cabrera and Nick Swisher — allow this this to happen?
To think there wasn’t a single player man enough to stand up and say, ”This is wrong.”
Yeah, fuck those guys for not wanting to have their heads dunked in a freshly-used toilet and have their eyebrows shaved off in their sleep.
For the sake of thoroughness, let’s reverse the situation. If I were to walk into a women’s locker room (I like where this is going so far) and see two inflatable male sex dolls with baseball bats sticking out of their asses, you know what my reaction would be? Laughter. And then I’d carry on with my job like a professional. Incidentally, if you know anyone looking for reporters for any women’s sports, particularly Brazilian soccer, please let me know.
I’m sure the players’ moms, wives, sisters and daughters are really proud of them. Way to go, guys. And just so we’re clear, the tired ”boys will be boys” excuse no longer works.
Who needs moms, wives, sisters, and daughters when these players have a nagging bitch like you to keep them in line?
But it starts at the top. I’m pretty sure Guillen was born without a sensitivity chip, but what about general manager Ken Williams and chairman Jerry Reinsdorf? What about commissioner Bud Selig, who ordered Guillen’s 2006 sensitivity training? Verbal or not, intended or not, the blow-up doll shrine said a mouthful about how the Sox organization views women. And I don’t like what I heard.
Of course you don’t. Is there anything you do like, Carol? Because I’m looking for a place to store my Louisville Slugger.
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CT
StPatrick
PenFoe
BigFlax
Bocaj
Hilarious shit. Good job.
Sweet, BK. I’ll be the first to volunteer to cover women’s volleyball at my alma mater. Yowza!
But seriously, I totally agree with your assessment. These aren’t actual women, they’re life size Barbie dolls for Chrissake. So what if they’re anatomically correct? They still look goofy to me. If the Sox had hired a couple hookers and made them stand in the locker room with baseball bats shoved up their butts, then we might have a problem. I like your idea of not allowing aANY reporters in the locker room. That keeps the sexist charge out of things and allows the guys to get showered and changed without being asked forty million dipshit questions. Like “Gee, Mark, how come you struck out twice in the game today? Were you pressing or did Pitcher X just have good stuff today?” I’m surprised more reporters don’t get punched in the face. If you can’t wait for a guy to shower and cover up his junk, then we’re putting way too much importance on the sport, kids. It’s a child’s game played by guys in their 20s and 30s for the most part. Leave ‘em be.
And somebody let me know about that volleyball gig.
Hey, great post. I’m glad to see that you’re getting use out of your torts class and law degree. Carol’s article struck me as lacking logical cogency as well. One quick note though about your post…it looks like either worshiping or worshipping is acceptable, though I think you might be correct in arguing that worshiping is slightly more proper:
http://www.answers.com/main/ntquery?s=worshipping&gwp=13
Next thing you know, women are going to want to vote!!! Bad enough the black and the Jews get to already.
Haha, as soon as I heard this story I immediately thought of Major League.
Fair enough. But I’m still going to pretend she can’t spell and smells like Lysol.
This is why I don’t like women in sports. They fucking act like they are equals. First off, every professional women sports team is about as good as a very good mens high school team of the equivalant sport. Second, this dumb fucking whore really needs to get a clue. She is talking about how “the Sox organization views women.” Ozzie put that up. I’m sure Reinsdorf didn’t do it. I have never understood the idea that the actions of one person, or a small group, reflects the whole organization. I don’t even think the Sox need to apologize for this. That’s another thing. This society has become so fucking PR that they apologize for everything. Anything that can be offensive to even one person and they must apologize. What the hell is this idea of being offended anyway? It’s just a way for uptight sons of bitches to complain about something and make it into something more. Carol: Jump off the Sears Tower.
I miss the ShoutBox. I hate the Hitler fun filter. Even though there are many fans of Hitler here.
“Carol: Jump off the Sears Tower.”
And, not like how Michael was going to jump off the top of Dunder-Mifflin’s office building; y’know, with the inflated jumpy castle. With hardened pavement below. Maybe we could set up metal spikes for her.
I have no problem with you pretending that. We all know it’s true.
Classic line – Who needs moms, wives, sisters, and daughters when these players have a nagging bitch like you to keep them in line?
Congrats BK.
Funny shit. Did Ozzie even go to those sensitivity training things? For some reason I don’t remember it even being reported that he actually went and the punishment was all just smoke blown up Marrioti’s ass.
Continuing the bizzaro nature of this season: now I’m taking the White Sox’ side on an issue?!?!?!
Ozzie went kicking and screaming, but according to reports didn’t participate much in the senseitivity class, and it is obvious that little has sunk in.
And to put my $0.02 in, Ozzie is an idiot for comparing Cubs fans and Sox fans. Worry about your own teams weakness and not about the fans perceptions.
That always cracks me up. He’s more concerned about a team on the other side of town than teams in his own division, let alone his own league. Stop paying attention to the media and have some damn cockfights in the clubhouse already.
In regards to your question about her legal strategy: you pointed out that she didn’t witness the sex doll firsthand. She wasn’t directly impacted by the sex doll, so I’m guessing she’d opt for a facial challenge along the lines of Crawford v. Marion County Election Board. Plus, the Slezak Sex Doll Facial Challenge has a nice ring to it.
Once upon a time, I was a reporter…
I will say without exception NO REPORTER SHOULD EVER BE ALLOWED IN ANY LOCKER ROOM, ANYWHERE
I’m serious
Reporters don’t need that kind of access, no matter how much they bitch…reporters are lazy
In college, you go through the SID and they get you whoever you want…and usually most of it is taken care of in the press room after the players have had a chance to shower, cool down and relax.
I’ve had to interview players naked, which isn’t cool for anyone involved…I’ve seen Mongo McMichael throw his helmet so hard that it was a miracle no one got hit by it
Players need their own private place to be themselves and reporters should recognize that
The only thing women should focus on is Free Hookering.
I couldn’t agree more, Uncle Bouncy, although I haven’t been in that situation. The guys are in the public spotlight all the time, and they can’t get a minute’s peace in the locker room? It’s excessive. Let the reporters in when they clinch, and pretty much no other time.
Maybe the Cubs need some blow up dolls and throw in some hats for bats while they’re at it. Seems like half the pitching staff was drinking Jobu’s rum.
i still dont understand the logic of the gay slur versus blowup doll line. how is it even close to the same level? gays are people, blow up dolls are not.
how much you wanna bet that if it was two dude blow up dolls (of toronto pitchers or something) carol wouldnt give half a shit? nor would the entire rest of the media?
I miss your musk.
For the love of god, please tell me you e-mailed this to that miserable bitch
I haven’t, as I already know what her response would be.
“You’re sexist.”
Labels are so much easier.
BK, there is one problem with this article…if female journalists had been present, since the event happened in Toronto, it could have become a major hand-wringing PC hurricane that only Canada is capable of. Legal action could also have followed, since Canadian protection of free speech is nonexistent when compared to that which we enjoy. Today’s comments could have gotten several posters in legal jeopardy if the right bureautwat got huffy over them.
Don’t get me wrong Kerm. I agree with a lot of what you said. 1) Reporters should not be allowed in the locker room ever… 2) Slezak is a shitty journalist as proven by her poorly written rants over the last upteenth years. 3) I don’t believe that there is any grounds for a suit or legal recourse. 4) I agree that this is not THAT big of a deal… not like the gay slur thing at all, but where I jump off is that this is a completely harmless act.
I feel that having a blow up doll being ass rammed by a baseball bat does represent a sort of chauvanism that I would not want my baseball team condoning. I don’t think Ozzie should have to go to sensetivity training or anything I just feel like it is kind of a dick move. Furthermore when you add this to his recent comments about Chicago sports fans, Ozzie is coming off as not only a perpetual dick, but as a kind of a cold, hateful, prejudice, bitter man. Now don’t get me wrong this blow up doll thing should not cost him his job, but just think to yourself is it really “cool” to have blow up dolls with bats in their vage’s.
And finally I do disagree slightly but I am in NO way calling you guys sexist pigs for not agreeing with me… just terrible people.
Jaykay, great site Kerm.
You won’t get any argument from me about Ozzie being a chauvinistic prick. He is. I would have said that even before this incident. The way I see it is this. If the situations were reversed and there were inflatable male dolls with bats crammed up their asses, would I be offended? Not at all. It’s silly and stupid, but sexist? I just don’t see it.
But, damnit, this is America, and I support your right to be offended by anything, as long as you’re not Carol Slezak.
good stuff from a cubs site. way to go…..by the way if the chicago bandits still play i wouldn’t mind seeing jenny finch walk out of the shower ;-)
I definitely agree. However, the unfortunate truth is that we don’t have a right to decide what’s offensive. If women get offended by this, they get offended, regardless of whether we would just laugh it off. It’s the same reason many people got offended by the Fukudome ad, but I found it kind of funny.
That being said, Slezak has absolutely no right to make generalized statements about the Sox players and the organization because of something SHE was offended by. I could read your article and say you and everyone that enjoyed this article is sexist because I was offended, but obviously (hopefully) I’d be wrong. She has every right to express her feelings about the dolls, but she has absolutely no right to make assumptions about an entire group of people because of it. Especially via such shitty journalism. Because of articles like this, where one person overreacts to a situation, we now get to hear it from every sports publication and television show, where douchebags like Mariotti can suddenly label himself the most pure, non-sexist male columnist in the land because it’s cool to hate the Sox over these dolls. It’s “journalists” like Slezak and Mariotti that give US the reason to judge all of THEM. You wanna talk about setting an example, Carol? Try to do a better job of not making me think all female reporters are over-reacting twats.
Oh, I forgot to add that this should all be a moot point anyways because it happened within the clubhouse, where the players have the right to do as they please as long as it doesn’t affect others outside of it. Next thing you know, she’ll be criticizing Mark Buehrle for all the ghey sex orgies he holds in his basement.
Worshiping is the accepted American spelling and worshipping the accepted British. Since she writes for the SUN-Times about the White Sox and not the Times about Chelsea, she is pretentiously and non-pretend wrong.
http://www.chicagobandits.com/team/roster/