Lovable Loser! Single, 132-y.o. NL team seeks number two pitcher to supplement fiery Hispanic starting pitcher. Team has good offense, scoring six runs per game, thirty-one games into the season, up from 4.64 runs per game last year. Team has only been shut out once this season! Offense not a problem for the first time in years! Starting pitching needs work, though.
Team currently has a guy who was terrible early in the year, but has been better in his last three starts. Number three starter at best. Looking to upgrade clown with 1.16 strikeouts to walks ratio. Still scary to watch pitching. Number five starter insists on running every batter to a 3-1 count. Recently sent down fourth starter with emotional issues and put older man into rotation.
This is where the team needs you!
Do you have a sub-3.50 ERA? Do you love bad Harry Caray impressions and getting hit in the face with a towel covered in shaving cream? Can you take the mound every five days without forcing Cubs fans to watch your starts from behind their fingers?
If so, respond to this ad! The team’s associate, Jim, will be happy to talk with you. Could this be a match made in heaven?
I liked what I saw out of Gallagher last night – he might have long-man potential behind a scuffling Marquis (or anyone else).
I think he’d have much better starting pitching potential, replacing the shitty Marquis. You know, as “good” as Marquis was in the beginning of last year, he’s actually doing almost the same thing this year. He’s allowing a crapload of baserunners, but gets out of his own jams. It happened in April/May last year, and then starting in June is when he just couldn’t get out of those jams anymore. Not to mention, the man pitches to the current score like nobody I’ve ever seen. If the Cubs are up, he’ll pitch just poorly enough to let the other team tie it. But if they’re already tied, he’ll pitch well enough to keep it that way. I don’t understand the Jew.
You can only do that if you trade Marquis, though. As mediocre as he is, we both know that putting him into the bullpen would be an unmitigated disaster. Might as well see if he can start okay and then toss in Gallagher if he can’t.
If Cleveland continues to struggle, we need to see if we can get Sabathia. He seems to be pitching more like himself and he would make a great left handed complement to El Toro Loco.
I think it’s time to strike while the iron is hot. Rich Hill’s value will never be higher. The Padres are in last place.
Hill-Montanez-Harvey for Peavy?
Dude, what? That a front-line starter, a future All-Star SS, and the next Dale Murphy for Peavy? Dude, maybe any two of those, or one of those with a throw-in like Marmol.
Get real, dude.
Still want me????
I am available.
I honestly don’t know if they can pull of a big trade right now. Teams will hold out at least a month before they do anything to drastic. The Padres may be in last but with a couple of good weeks they could be right in the thick of it, with a lot of the season left to be played. I like the Peavy idea but to me it’s more wishful thinking. I think the Cubs will do something though. Maybe late this month. I wouldn’t be surprised if they tried out some of their Minor League arms. They didn’t spend a crapload on Smardjilia (sic) for nothing. I don’t advise doing that quite yet but it is definitely within the realm of possibility.
Yeah, I don’t know if they can pull off a big trade right now, either. Fortunately, this is most likely Angel Guzman’s breakout season.
I think I see your point about Peavy – he may be under contract (don’t know the length of it) but he’ll want to pitch for a contender, and it just doesn’t look like the Pads will be good enough again. Que lastima!
Uh, guys…if the package of failed/headcase prospects didn’t make it clear, I was kidding about Peavy. He’s signed through 2012 and not going anywhere. Sabathia is a little more realistic – he’s a free agent after the season and the Indians might not want to pony up the cash to keep him.
RV,
Thanks for the clarification – I had thought that the Pads did something smart for a change and sign Peavy to a multi-year contract. I think he won’t stay after that, but you never know.
I wouldn’t worry about getting Sabathia. The baseball gods will even out the AL Central and in a month or so the teams will be in their proper positions. The Indians will need him. There is a chance that only the Tigers have a real shot to make it out of that division, but there are just too many good players on that Indians team that just need some slight adjustments to play like they did last year.
Look joo fahkin Cub fans. Jore team she win fahkin nothing one hundred years. White Sox have best owner ever we win two years ago, everyone hate us in Chicago. You bunch of fahkin faggot. White Sox great team we win games. I rather be bottom to Jay Marriotti in macho man love sandweeg than be Cub fan. Joo cocksuckers.
If the Indians get back in it, they’ll hold on to Sabathia. If they’re out, they may want more than a draft pick in case they can’t resign him. Last week I posted about this on my blog: http://shooterslounge.blogspot.com/2008/04/cc-rider.html
I think if the Indians decide they want to get rid of him, we might be able to get him. It might cost us a pretty penny, though. Of course, this all depends on what happens with Cleveland’s season and how serious Sabathia is about wanting to stay there.
I wear #12. Single contending team can add Brandon Webb and Daisuke Matsuzaka, but I’d still be kicking the ball every which way but into my glove.
‘
The Jewish accent gives you away.
Sabathia is not going to be traded during the season given that division; there’s almost no way the Indians will completely fall out of it. And trading for him would be like trading for Santana (big prospect deal plus you then have to sign him to a huge contract) except that you’re not getting Santana. Sabathia’s good but I don’t think he’s 7/150 good, and you can bet that’s what he’ll want if he wins 16+ this year.
i hear there’s this guy in san diego who wants wins, specifically his 350th. he seems to be a pretty good pitcher, i might even have seen a game or two of his, you know. nice guy, cept for that whole peeing on rookies in the shower thing. ah well, everyone has their quirks. what’s his name again? g something…. glendon rusch? mark prior?
whatever his name is, we should get him.
Do you guys think I’ve got a shot with Miley Cyr…er…I mean the Cubs?
Yes, but you have to have a ‘relationship, but nothing inappropriate, like totally wholesome’ with Jim Hendry’s wife.
isnt that what got murton sent to the minors?