Mean Uncle Lee’s Roundup For “Happy Fucking Lee Elia Day”
All right listen up you jobless cocksuckers, because Uncle Lee’s only got this one day to keep you motherfuckers on the stick. Since you jerkoffs can’t seem to find any way to find consistent fucking work, it’s up to motherfuckers like me, in the other 85 per cent, to keep you cocksuckers entertained.
I don’t know what’s worse–being an unemployed cocksucker, or getting paid to ogle girls three times younger than you like that fucking cocksucker Elliot Harris, but that motherfucker apparently has taken a break from stalking Anna Kournikova to list all of the other fucking rants that tittilliated the creepy bastard.
Hey at least Harris’s subjects are at least 18. That cocksucker Roger Clemens? Not so much, huh?
I also like how Harris teams up with Les Grobstein, the little motherfucker whose tape-recording of my rant is the source for all of you cocksuckers’ amusement, in his list. Let me tell ya–that fucking rant may have cost me a job, but twenty five years later, at least I’ve got a fucking major-league pension and that motherfucker’s now one of the 15% cocksuckers who don’t work. Oh I guess I forgot Grobstein’s fucking blog, where he apparently hand writes summaries off of the AP wire or some shit. I have to admit that cocksucker’s got pretty cool graphics. It is 1997, right? What the fuck is that? Geocities? Jesus Christ. Get a fucking job, cocksucker.
Of course, if you want to take the term cocksucker literally, what the fuck is up with that wig-wearing drag queen you got in that dying paper that Ray Sons used to work for? My fucking 67-year old church organist, who never married, knows more about football than that asshole. What kind of a fucking town has Chicago turned into when that cocksucking motherfucker fuck can find employment? That’s gotta be a disheartening fucking situation for the 85% of Chicago who finished high school, has brains, and works. Consider my fucking ass grateful I’ve been away for 25 years, and you can go downtown and PRINT IT!
And what the fuck is up with this Chris DeLuca cocksucker? He ranks that old piece of shit Fenway Park #1, and yet that he ranks that old piece of shit Wrigley Field #16? What’s the difference between those two fucking dumps anyway, huh? Oh, I get it. That cocksucker’s a White Sox fan, isn’t he? Well, if he wasn’t such a pussy, he’d have ranked that fucking Playground for Cocksuckers dead fucking last, instead of waffling and sticking in the middle, but this motherfucker, unfortunately much unlike his old man, apparently can’t go all the way. What a fucking smirking, cocksucking pansy.
Yep. Your Uncle Lee is going to be one busy motherfucker today. But fucking seriously–”Ramblin” Ray Stevens? Who the fuck is that?
Even though this is a 23 billion dollar deal involving one of the biggest fucking tycoons in America, you just know there are certain stupid cocksuckers who are only concerned about whether or not they’ll keep the the current name of that stupid fucking playground for cocksuckers on its fucking marquee. Talk about some unemployed cocksuckers.
Uncle Lee ain’t fucking done. Stay tuned for some fucking trivia later today. Now go back to sleep, you jobless cocksucker.
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CT
bocaj
BigFlax
StPatrick
TDubbs
“motherfucker fuck”?
What the fuck is that supposed to mean fucker?