Meet the Mets; Their Writers Suck, Too 123

If you thought Cubs Mailbags were terrible, you were right. But they are nowhere near as terrible as this THREE-PAGE article written about a mechanical apple. At some point in your life as a professional sportswriter, you have to sit back for a second and think to yourself, “God damn. Did I seriously just write an article called, ‘Mets’ Home Run Apple loved to core’?” When you reach that point, it’s time to reevaluate things. Like your dignity. Is it worth approximately the same amount as is written on your paycheck? Are you at least breaking even? Did you seriously just get off a phone interview with the guy who designed this well-formatted website? These are all important, and possibly life-changing questions you have to ask yourself. The answers may surprise you. Anyhow, let’s make fun of this article, shall we?

Darryl Strawberry is laughing on the other end of the phone when talk turns to the Home Run Apple at Shea. Some believe it’s a hokey throwback to days when the Mets might do anything to distract fans from their dreadful team on the field, but others, like the ex-slugger, cling to it as a hammy symbol of nostalgia in the ballpark’s final season.

Darryl Strawberry has led an incredibly interesting life during which he wasted a world of talent because he couldn’t control his demons. The stories the man could tell would shock and possibly offend, but they would make for great reading. When he answered the phone for an interview, he probably expected to have to face those demons one more time. You asked him about a giant apple. That’s why Darryl is laughing.

“Love it,” Strawberry says with a giggle. “It’s the Big Apple, you know? I have a lot of fond memories of making that thing come up. That apple has always been special to me – it means you’ve done something good.”

Oooooohhhhhhh! The BIG APPLE! Now I get it!

The apple is a nine-foot mass of fiberboard slathered in red paint that, whenever a Met blasts a homer at Shea, pops out of a 10-foot, upside-down black top hat made of plywood. The Mets logo on the apple lights up and blinks. The phrase “Home Run,” which replaced the original “Mets Magic,” an offshoot of the Mets’ old “The Magic is Back” campaign, is visible on the top hat.

If I were writing this article, it would be right after hammering out this paragraph that I would close my laptop, take it upstairs, fill the bathtub with water, plug the laptop back in, and go swimming with it. This is the Met equivalent of describing the Torco sign.

The apple, all 582 pounds of it, appeared behind the fence, to the right of the 410-foot mark in center field, during the 1980 season. No one can remember exactly when it made its debut, but Joe Donohue, one of those responsible for inventing it, guessed its debut was around late May.

Back up just a second there. You don’t know exactly when a 582 apple appeared in your ballpark? Is this thing an elaborate college prank? You were given the simple task of writing an article about a giant apple, and you can’t even pin down a date?

The Joe Torre-led Mets were awful back then. Tom Seaver was gone, Strawberry and Dwight Gooden were a few years away and the 1980 Mets finished fifth in the NL East at 67-95.

This is my favorite part of the article so far.

“They were trying to put a positive marketing spin on the franchise,” recalls Dave Howard, the Mets’ current executive vice president of business operations. “There was some backlash – some people said, ‘What Magic?’ Or ‘The Magic is Tragic.’

They should have started playing Grinder Ball. Nothing puts asses in the seats quite like an ambiguous ad campaign.

“But since then it has become an icon of the franchise. It has resonated with the young fan. I got a new appreciation of it going to games with my kids. Someone would hit a home run and they’d say, ‘Dad, the apple’s coming out.’ They’d get so excited.”

Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize your kids were retarded.

That feeling is why there will be some sort of apple at the Mets’ new home, Citi Field, which opens next season, Howard says. “Planning the new park, we always felt there should be some kind of apple,” Howard says. “Whether it’s the same one or not, that’s something we’re still weighing. Either way, the apple will be represented.”

Man, I would have loved to have been the guy in the planning meeting for their $600 million stadium who kept bringing up the apple.

ARCHITECT: With my plan, we’ll have fifty-eight luxury boxes, four party suites and more than 7,800 club seats.

Murmurs of assent are heard around the room.


The architect ignores Kermit and continues.

ARCHITECT: You can see here we’re going to include an expanded Fan Fest family entertainment area as well as a New York Mets interactive museum and Hall of Fame.


The architect looks uncomfortable.

ARCHITECT: We are also going to add state-of-the-art video boards and sound system.


That’s good news to Mets fans Lonnie Klein and Andrew Perlgut, who’ve known each other since attending high school at Horace Mann. The pair had an epiphany at a 2006 game after watching Carlos Beltran coax the apple out of the hat with a homer.

You went to Horace Mann? LIONS SUCK!!!

“We looked at each other and said, ‘What’s going to happen to the apple?'” Klein says. “We decided to have some fun with it.” They started a Web site,, dedicated to encouraging the Mets to bring the old toy to their new home. As of yesterday afternoon, they had collected 7,115 signatures on their online petition.

Sweet. They’re only 992,885 signatures away from accomplishing absolutely nothing.

“The apple represents the fun of the Mets,” says Klein, a 26-year-old law student. “They are kind of the upstart kids and the fans really take that attitude to heart. The apple is part of that and it’d be a shame if it’s not brought over to the new stadium.”

Yes. If the “upstart kids” had an average age of 30 years old and had the second-highest payroll in baseball at $137,391,376. Can you let me know if you’re ever arguing a case? I could always use an easy win.

Donohue was the Mets’ director of promotions back when the apple was dreamed up. While some call him “The Applefather,” Donohue also gives credit to his then-assistant, Jim Plummer, now the Mets’ director of corporate services, and Met executives Al Harazin and Frank Cashen. Nelson Doubleday and Fred Wilpon, who had just bought the team, deserve acknowledgment, too, Donohue says.

Congratulations, “Sodfather.” You no longer have the stupidest nickname in sports.

New York City was being promoted as “The Big Apple” around that time, which meant the Home Run Apple is perhaps a perfect merger of that slogan and the Mets’ 1980 motto of “The Magic is Back.”

Around what time? The 80s or the 70s? Because just a simple internet search suggests that you are not very good at doing apple-related research.

Newspapers mocked the Mets’ slogan, considering how bad the team was. The Daily News even ran a “Mets v. Maris” contest, tracking the Met homers against the pace of former Yankees slugger Roger Maris, who had slugged 61 home runs in 1961. The ’80 Mets finished with 61 homers, too.

That’s awesome.

While fans enjoyed it, the apple may not have been universally loved inside Mets offices. Howard recalled that he once sat next to Cashen at a game and, when the apple popped up, Cashen told Howard, “That’s Harazin’s folly.”

They should have started calling it the crapple.

“At the time, it was just another way to entertain,” Donohue says. “It’s funny, now we take a lot for granted, with computers and hydraulics. The hydraulics of the apple were pretty basic.”

You don’t say! I thought it would be really intricate, considering its complex control panel, which includes such buttons as “UP” and “STOP”:

There is an elevator inside the hat that pushes up the apple. It is operated from the control booth, which is to the left of home plate on the press level. The scoreboard is operated from the same room. An electrician pushes buttons to raise or lower the apple and the apple can be stopped, too, as a stunned Strawberry learned when he was a member of the Yankees.

Something was too difficult for Strawberry to grasp? Amazing.

The Yankees had to play a home game at Shea against the Angels on April 15, 1998 because a beam had collapsed at Yankee Stadium two days earlier, crushing several rows of seats. In the bottom of the fifth inning of the Yankees’ Shea “home game,” Strawberry smacked a solo homer off the Angels’ Omar Olivares.

Though Strawberry no longer wore Met colors, the apple shot up – halfway – delighting the crowd of 40,743, an homage to a former Met superstar.

“I was like, ‘Bring it up the whole way!'” Strawberry says now. “It was different, seeing that, after the times I was there, my eight years playing at Shea. There was an excitement, because of my history playing there with the Mets.”

Great anecdote, Darryl. I would have preferred to hear the one about that time you and Gooden snorted a line of blow out of of Keith Hernandez’s jock strap, but it’s also sort of funny circling the bases and trying not to freak out as your drug-addled mind convinces you that you’re about to be attacked and crushed by a 582-pound apple.

The apple can be a maintenance headache. Bob Mandt, who was the stadium operations manager from 1983 until his retirement in 2004 and is now a Met consultant, recalls that if it was left uncovered, the top hat could fill with rain. “Sometimes,” Mandt says, “it would get stuck up or down and you had to wait it out and send the electrician out there.”

That sounds really stressful. I bet he drinks a lot.

Mostly, though, the apple is loved. A few years ago, the Mets gave their season-ticket holders a gift of a clock made out of a replica of the top hat and apple. In 1981, Donohue says, he designed a lapel pin with the Met logo, the apple and a stem.

That clock sounds like it would be a great conversation piece, if people who actually displayed such a clock ever interacted with other human beings.

Donohue, who now runs his own event management company, EventSavvy, jokes that he’d take the apple home with him and put it in his front yard “if I could satisfy the zoning board” in his New Jersey hometown.

Yeah, New Jersey has pretty stringent zoning laws. Aren’t you allowed to build your house ten feet from a garbage dump, or something?

“Realistically, I’d love to have that apple, in all its lo-tech glory, be seen and celebrated at Citi Field,” Donohue says. “It really kept fans entertained while Frank and his team rebuilt the team on the field.

I bet it did. Is it going to go up? Once it’s up, is it going to go back down? I’m sure the fans were on the edge of their seats.

“I have some ideas on how we can make everybody happy in the new park. I have a presentation in mind that I’d be happy to make to the Mets. I’m intrigued by the aerial photos of the new stadium; it looks like there’s a space for it.”

Yeah. At the bottom of the East River. While you’re at it, can you throw David Wright and Jose Reyes in there with it?

If there’s no spot for the old one at Citi Field, Strawberry has a suggestion: “Put it on eBay. I know somebody would love to have it. They could bid on it.

Strawberry added, “You can also bid on my 1986 World Series ring, and I’ll throw in this shirt I’m wearing right now.”

“In the new park, you might have to build a new one, the old one might not look right and it might be exciting to have a new, bright red apple up there.”

This from a guy who once spent an entire afternoon in 1986 staring at his palm.

There you have it, folks. Everything you’ve never wanted to know about the Home Run Apple, and further proof that you don’t have to have talent to be a sportswriter. It also helps if you don’t have dignity.

  • To be fair to Lonnie Klein, I think he meant that the franchise was the “upstart kids” as far as New York baseball goes, which is at least generally true. I’d probably spring for a new apple if I were the Mets.

  • Flem

    Haha! Nice work. I sure wasn’t expecting to see the Sodfather get burned when I opened up the internet today.

  • Wow. Just goes to show that Carrie Muskat isn’t alone in having to write completely useless fluff pieces about her team. It’s sad that there are people with actual journalism degrees forced tom write this muck Glad I stayed away from that class and stuck to the other creative writing courses. I may not be making any money, but at least I’m having fun.

  • Ned Ryerson

    I am going to sign the online petition.

  • Fork

    Nobody from Horace Mann should ever be allowed near teh intertubes ever again.

  • MetsMan1980

    I have been a loyal reader of HJE for some time, and never have I seen such jealousy in any post. Guys – get with it. You’re Cubs fans. You have NO RIGHT to rag on Mets fans because we love our apple. You are the morons who pay more to sit in the bleachers than along the foul lines. You are the morons that throw baseballs back when opposing teams hit homers. You are the morons that haven’t won a championship since before my Grandpa was born. Seriously, stop reducing yourself because Mets fans have a stupid, childish tradition that we enjoy. It is dumb, but little kids like it. You know – baseball – a kids game? Sorry if we don’t have strip teases in the bleachers like you all do. Our fans are busy buying better seats so that we can actually WATCH THE GAME instead of have a big party on some roof top. Simply put, if you Chicago fans had half the baseball intellect of Mets fans, maybe you’d be smart enough to actually demand excellence from your front office instead of wasting time ragging on the Mets.

    For tomorrow’s idiotic rant, why don’t you rag on the sausage races, presidents races, Sweet Caroline, New York New York, or another team’s traditions that you deem to be beneath you. I’ll spend the rest of my afternoon thinking of ways to make fun of you – oh wait, how about by reminding you that you are the LAUGHING STOCK OF SPORTS! Get a life, doofass.

    • Jon

      If you had any concept of reading for context, you might realize that he was making fun of the fact that someone wrote a THREE PAGE article about a stadium gimmick. Not the gimmick itself. And if you were a loyal reader, maybe you’d notice that idiot Cub fans are targeted harder than anyone on here.

    • You’d rather watch an apple come out of a top hat than a strip tease? What the hell is wrong with you?

      • Ryan Beariot

        there’s strip shows in the bleachers? where the hell are they? and why arent they on tv more often?

        and i do find boston and sweet caroline beneath me, but a lot of that has to do with their fans and the fact that they are terrible people.

        • Thrillho

          > …why arent they on tv more often?

          Because Arne Harris departed this mortal coil, God rest his soul.

    • Crackerjaxon

       Doofass.  I like that.

  • MetsMan1980


    Maybe if you read for context, you would realize that I got your point. It is just amazing to me that the collective Cubs Universe thinks it has the right to rag on anything about any other franchise. Ya, the Mets fan base is a little too into the apple. Fine. Guilty as charged. But it is something WE GREW UP WITH, stupid. So ya, every now and then, it gets a 3 page article. The other night on the Mets telecast, our announcers were talking about how so many fans want it moved to the new stadium. Not because it’s a marvel of modern technology, but because it has become a staple of our franchise.

    Ya, you do rag on Cubs fans a lot, and there’s plenty to rag on. What I love is how smart you think you are – like you guys are such incredibly loyal fans (you are) and, therefore, you must be smart (you’re not). I hate to break it to you, but the level of discourse at Wrigley Field (I’ve been there) is dumbed down from the talk at Shea or Yankee Stadium. And here’s one you should remember from this post – nobody views playing you guys like you’re Notre Dame (despite how bad ND has been lately), the Packers, the Yankees, the Canadians, Duke, or any other team with an ounce of tradition. Get the point – you are a sorry franchise – like the fat girl that no one asked to Prom. So quit ragging on other teams. PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT A BUNCH OF LOSERS YOU HAVE HAD PLAYING FOR YOU for like the last, say, 100 years and maybe you’d demand excellence – like Mets and Yankees fans. Quit putting up placks of the 1984 Cubs in your sports bars – remember, the ’84 teams didn’t win anything, morons.

    • Holy crap. I’m the collective Cubs Universe? You’re welcome, everyone, for speaking for every single one of you.

      It always amazes me when something like this really sets someone off.

      • PenFoe

        Wait…BK is James Belushi?

      • StPatrick

        This is the Cub universe? That’s messed up…I never go to BCB.

    • MattR

      “But it is something WE GREW UP WITH, stupid. So ya, every now and then, it gets a 3 page article.”

      So… that means there are several 3+ page articles out there about the apple? Scary.

      • If you can find them, please e-mail them to me. All I do all day is get worked up over articles like those.

    • Poon

      Is MetsMan1980 another innernetting persona of Marty Brennaman?

    • Oleg

      Wait, putting up *what* of the 1984 Cubs in our sports bars? That’s quite a level of discourse you have there in New York.

      MetsMan, keep your apple. Fine. I’ll even join Ned up there in signing the pettition.

      And, just how many teams did the Cubs have in 1984? I mean, maybe if we had a couple of them, our chances would have been better?

      You’re a goof, MetsMan. I can appreciate that. And, by the way, we prefer *morans*. Thanks.

      • MetsMan1980

        Ya, sorry I don’t spell check my work, douchebag. I guess I’m just not as smart as all you Cubs fans. I am too busy making all these elaborate points, none of which you have responded to. And I’m at work, so I can’t spend a ton of time ripping you guys new a-holes – I work in the world’s financial center, you know? Where people actually come to do business?

        • PenFoe

          “Im at work, so I cant spend a ton of time ripping you guys new a-holes”

          You’re totally right, as evidenced by your 10 comments to this post.

        • Oleg

          You didn’t make any elaborate points, Romeo. Your whole premise is based on the misguided belief that Kermit was ripping on the apple. In fact, that’s not entirely true. Kermit, as he so eloquently put it, was ripping on the writer for spending 3 pages writing about such drivel and not doing it very well either. But, you can’t be bothered with that since you sooo love your precious appple. I had no idea New Yorkers lacked such self-esteem.

          Besides, I told you to keep your damn apple. I, and I’d imagine anyone else here, couldn’t care less about it.

          And, please, calling me a douchebag is a bit redundant. Everyone knows I’m a douchebag.

          The world’s financial center, holy shit…why don’t YOU post a picture and we’ll see who gets laid more! (Sorry for mixing my message board insults, Kerm).

    • Thrillho

      > PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT A BUNCH OF LOSERS YOU HAVE HAD PLAYING FOR YOU for like the last, say, 100 years

      Somehow, in spite of the inspired use of ALLCAPS, I missed this the first go ’round.

      From your lips to Bad Kermit’s one good ear.

    • Crackerjaxon

      I am chagrined.  Remember, through all our trials and tribulations, we Cubs fans have never succumbed to the siren call of a plywood apple.

      At least we have that going for us.

  • St._Lousy_Sucks

    Hey MetsMan1980,

    Allow me to elevate the discourse to the erudite level you are so accustomed to at Shea and Yankee Stadiums:

    Fuck You

  • MetsMan1980

    Good comebacks guys. This is EXACTLY what I would expect from Cubs fans. I mean, a perfect microcosm of your entire, sorry fan base. Dish it out – make fun of St. Louis (you’re jealous of them because they actually win every now and again) or New York (you’re jealous of us since our city is undeniably superior to yours – don’t even try to hide the envy) and then come back with absolutely NADA when you are called on it. That’s good, St._Lousy – way to “elevate the discourse.” Good thought processes there.

    And Kermit, don’t give me the whole, “it amazes me how something like this sets someone off” stuff. Something tells me there’s just a bit of the pot and the kettle there. You spend all day ragging on Mariotti, Dusty, and whoever else is an easy target. You elevate your franchise by taking others down. It’s what you do, and you’re darn good at it. You’re pretty funny, actually. And probably not as much of a dumbass as most Cubs fans.

    But here’s the thing – when you get called on your jealousy, you turn it around to, “see, how on earth would some guy have enough free time to get worked up over this???” Well get this – ALL YOU DO ALL DAY LONG IS GET WORKED UP OVER STUFF LIKE THIS. If makes you feel better about yourself to rag on the mailbag guy, dumb sports writers and Brewers fans because it allows you to avoid thinking about what a LOSER you must be to be a Cubs fan. Sorry, but I would like just once to see Cubs fans (or any fans from your inferior village you call a city) actually put the focus on what you need to do to stop being a laughing stock. All you do with 90% of your articles on this website is laugh so you don’t have to cry. Well take a lesson from a better fan base – start getting angry and maybe you won’t be such a waste of space as a franchise.

    • Hey, how is work treating you, JP? Still making insane Mets arguments, I see.

    • PenFoe

      Do they not have Mets blogs?

      • MetsMan1980

        We do, but it is much more fun coming here and pissing you guys off. I’m like a hot girl who likes to hang out with fat chicks – it makes me feel better to be around a lack of competition.

        • PenFoe

          That’s beyond pathetic.

        • JD

          You’re a hot chick? Can we get pictures?

        • Thrillho

          I’m with JD… Tits or GTFO

        • Crackerjaxon

           I know, why don’t you guys get yourselves a big banana to go with the apple?

          That way, when someone hits it out of your cow pasture of a ballpark, you could celebrate with plywood fruit salad.

          Besides, hot chicks love big bananas.

    • MetsMan:


      • MetsMan1980

        Good point, Kermit. When you guys win a title, I’ll put you in the same category with the RedSox – a loser franchise with an ignorant fan base that has finally overcome years of frustration, only to still be residents of a small, meaningless city that people visit only when they have a flight connecting there. At least Boston has the Freedom Trail. And oh, you have Gino’s East!

        I always consider 18-19 games a good sample to determine how good a team is. Say, remember all those Kerry Wood arguments we used to have? Glad to see he turned out to be such a great starter. Have fun replacing your closer when he blows out his arm.

        • I miss those arguments. Remember when Pedro Martinez last pitched a game for you? And remember when you were in the playoffs last year? Me neither.

        • PenFoe

          Do we really have a Mets fan here talking about the franchise like they have some great storied history?

          In 3 years David Wright will be the best player in the history of the franchise.

          At age 28…

    • Poon

      Nothing makes a quality argument like TYPING IN CAPS so other people can understand that YOU ARE LIKE YELLING AND JUNK OR trying to really make a POINT come ACROSS.

    • RV

      I just got GRRR ANGRY! and broke everything in my cubicle. World Series here we come!

  • MetsMan1980


    I don’t think you want to put your staff or your pen up against ours. Pedro may be hurting, but I like our future with Maine, Pelfrey, and oh, wait, who is that other guy…oh ya, Santana. He’s ok, you know.

    • Poon

      I think we did put our staff and pen up against yours yesterday.

      • ChuckDickens

        Don’t forget about today!

    • When I was his R.A., I beat Aaron Heilman in darts. Soundly. Your bullpen gave up 5 runs in the 8th inning last night. This is sort of a silly time to be making that argument, no?


      Ryan Dempster: 3-0, 3.00 ERA
      Johan Santana: 2-2, 3.25 ERA

      THAT is embarrassing.

      • MetsMan1980

        Why is it that you INSIST on using such a small sample. I’ll bet every Cubs fan on here that Santana has at least 16 wins well the season is out and the Mets win more games than the sCrUBS. And by the way, Heilman is are weakest link this year. It pains me that he’s an ND boy…

        • You only want 16 wins out of the highest-paid pitcher in baseball? Reach for the stars, Radio. Reach for those stars.

      • Jon

        Man, I have to admit it’s kind of fun living in a bizarro world where Dempster is defensible.

        What’s next, human sacrifice? Dogs and cats living together? Mass hysteria?

        • MetsMan1980

          Jon – you’re an indiot. Get back to work.

        • Jon

          Are you saying I’m an idiot for having a job?

          Also, my comment had less to do with what you think and more to do with the fact that in another season, I’d have been calling for Dempster’s head on a pike by now.

    • Mets? Really?

      Your logic is beyond absurd. You cite the reason for making fun of a 3-page article written by a professional sportswriter about a mechanical apple as . . . jealousy. Jealousy? What? When was the last time you read anything about anyone wanting a large apple at Wrigley?

      As to being jealous of NYC . . . really? If people were that jealous they would move there. And please point to empirical data showing that Chicago and Boston are somehow second-rate cities. And you call Cubs fans ignorant?

      As for pitching staffs . . . the Cubs have the best relief corps in the NL, and probably just behind Boston for the best in the MLB. Any arguments to the contrary are facially ignorant; I’m talking objective analysis here. As for SP it’s actually quite even if you look @ objective #’s.

      • MetsMan1980

        Good use of facts to back up your points, dumbass.

        • Mets? Really?

          Really, this coming from the guy using “I dont think you want to put your staff or your pen up against ours. Pedro may be hurting, but I like our future with Maine, Pelfrey, and oh, wait, who is that other guyoh ya, Santana. Hes ok, you know.”

          Nice way to use objective analysis.

    • Crackerjaxon

       Santana really is OK.  Anthony Rizzo seemed to like him just fine.

  • MetsMan, remember the reasoning behind why I call you “Radio”?

    • MetsMan1980

      Good one, Kermit. Way to directly respond to my attacks about your team and city instead of placing a picture on the site that looks nothing like me. You are about as good at arguing sports as the FLDS women are at making clothing that looks sexy. Good come back.

      • Good point. Radio has a lot more hair than you do.

      • Thrillho

        > You are about as good at arguing sports as the FLDS women are at making clothing that looks sexy.

        What those FLDS women lack in sexy they make up for in quantity.

  • MetsMan1980

    Hey PenFoe,

    At least we don’t have obsessive relationships with guys like Grace and Sandberg. Either all Cubs fans have a crush on Grace and Sandberg, or you guys don’t understand what good players are. And yes, Wright will end up being our best player ever by the time he’s 28 or 30. Just like Jeter was the Yankees best shortstop ever by the time he was 27. Get this – they’re both REALLY GOOD AT BASEBALL!

    • Impossible. NO ONE is better at shortstop than JosE REyEs.

      • MetsMan1980

        Ya, good point. He’s almost as good as Soriano. When Reyes and Wright go into the Hall on the same day, we’ll continue this chat.

        • Let’s hope Reyes doesn’t drop his replica plaque. Wright will just throw his into the stands.

    • PenFoe

      That’s because all of the players you would normally be obsessed with ended up doing something either shameful or illegal.


      I’m sure I’m missing someone.

  • MetsMan1980

    Mets? Really?,

    If I need empirical evidence to prove to you that NY is a better city than Chicago, it is sort of like explaining to a 9 year old why larger breasts are superior to small ones. There is no study that needs to be done to prove it. Chicago just rots, as do all your sports teams.

    • Bigger is only better because you have a better chance of “accidentally” brushing up against one on the subway for the only action you’ll get this month.

      • MetsMan1980

        I concede this point.

    • Mets? Really?

      So basically, you’re admitting that you have nothing to back up your outlandish, immature opinions that reek of a Napoleon Complex. Pretty much how I figured it would turn out.

      • MetsMan1980

        Mets? Really?

        Let me actually respond to your very astute points.

        (1) I concede that I have never read anything about Cubs fans wanting a giant apple placed in Wrigley Field. On this, you get one point.

        (2) As for why NY is better, just look at where the movie stars live. You have Oprah and that stupid Married with Children fountain. We have everything else. When people want to go out and have an incredible time, they don’t go to Chicago, idiot. We have three times as many people and the headquarters or numerous banks, investment banks and other leading companies. NY is the world’s financial center. Chicago is the crack of a monkey’s ass.

        (3) You guys rely on Dempster, Lilly and Marquis. I mean, seriously. Now that our pen is healthy, it is back to 2006 levels, when it was the best in the NL. I’ll give you Zambrano, but I’ll take Santana over him any day of the week. When you stack it up, chump, we have a better team.

        • RV

          “As for why NY is better, just look at where the movie stars live.”

          Even for a douche like yourself, that’s pretty douchy.

        • Poon

          1) We want a giant inflatable Torco sign to go up over the scoreboard every time Hank White gets a start. Well I do at least.

          2) I base everything in my life on where celebrities live which is why I have Perez Hilton Rules tattooed on my ass. Don’t forget we also have Jerry Springer and Jeff Garlin, that’s A-list buddy.

          3) You mention three of our starters and then reply with talking about your bullpen….which was routed for a 5 run inning yesterday. Your “better team” lost on a stupid error yesterday and a pen that couldn’t get out Ronnie Cedeno to close an inning.

        • Mets? Really?

          Anyone who uses “b/c that’s where the movie stars live” to attempt to argue a point gets no respect in my book.

          With that logic, I guess L.A. beats us all, clown.

          As for companies, well, shit, Minnesota is home to more Fortune 500 companies than any state in the country, so some city in Minny probably has us both beat there as well. Damn.

          And you rely on Perez, Pelfry, and Figueroa. Shit, son.

          As for Soriano . . . at least he helped us get into the post-season. Last I checked your boy Reyes and his impotent bat pretty much fucked your team over down the stretch. But sure, he’s a HOF candidate w/o a doubt. When he tears a hammy and is through running (a la Soriano), we’ll see if the Hall (or hell, even your team) wants a SS w/ a limp bat who hits .290 and can’t run.

          “When people want to go out and have an incredible time, they dont go to Chicago, idiot.” Please show data that proves that indeed, when people are looking to have a good time, they travel to NYC more often than anywhere else. Oh, right, you’re not using facts to support your Napoleon-complex arguments. Nice.

          “We have three times as many people” Shit. I guess China >>>> USA then. Damn.

        • The world’s financial center is NOT New York. London is. New York’s is a financial center, but so is Chicago, which is the capital of derivatives trading. Ever heard of the Chicago Mercantile Exchange? We still have a solid banking foundation. Northern Trust, anyone?

          We have a few companies that are headquartered here. Illinois Tool Works. Motorola. Kraft. Abbott Labs. Wrigley. Tribune Co. Boeing. William Blair.

          I thought all the movie stars lived in L.A., anyway. So is LA better than New York and Chicago?

          Oh, yes. That’s right: you DO have your apple.

    • Poon

      Large breasts are better! Come on in Metsman, the waters fine!

      • MetsMan1980

        Sorry – water is too cold.

    • Thrillho

      > …sort of like explaining to a 9 year old why larger breasts are superior to small ones

      Why don’t you have a seat…

  • Is 3-0 Cubs in the 4th too small a sample size?

    • Thrillho


      They still play 9-inning games in MLB, right?

      • MetsMan1980


        Yes, they still play 9 innings. Boy you people are witty. What a wonderful city! Now I know where to come to get a good laugh (or let out a nasty fart).

        • Poon

          Thrillho, if you want to be witty I guess you have to call people dumbass and bust out the fart jokes.

        • Thrillho

          > Boy you people are witty.

          Tell me about it!

          I mean… a polygamy joke and a pedophilia joke in the same thread?! And that’s only my comments!

          Somebody slow me down!!

        • StPatrick

          MetsMan, are you a Stern fan by any chance?

  • al

    nice comment thrillho.

  • bocaj

    Mets suck, and they only have two good position players and one good pitcher… that’s it. Their pitching sucks (‘cept that one guy, and that other dude, if he wasn’t such a Mark Prior fan); their hitters are old, and broken (‘cept the two good ones); and their bullpen blows. They have no chance, and will be lucky to finish above the Marlins–very lucky. And the Cubs are showing just how shitty of a team they are: quite.

  • MetsMan1980

    Poon – Did someone forget to plug you in today, or are you really that dumb?


    Jon – No, I don’t think you’re an idiot for being gainfully employed. Jobs = good. Do you know what good means? Good, like, the opposite of bad? Bad, like, how the Cubs usually end up playing once the summer gets going going.

    • Jon

      Is there a degree to bad? Like say, is any stretch of Cubs baseball measurably worse than the Mets last few games of 2007?

      • MetsMan1980

        Ya. It was almost as bad as your 1969 collapse. We won a title that year, just like in ’86. Do you know what a title is?

        • Jon

          Yeah. It’s the thing the Mets have the exact same amount of as the Cubs.

          I’m kinda over 69, since it happened 7 years before I was born. But man, falling apart last year…that was priceless.

          “Ya?” Are you a Mets fan from Minnesota?

        • Thrillho

          Yes, tied in WS wins.

          If you count pennants and division titles as “titles”, though, it’s 22-11 all told.

    • Poon

      Yeah, sorry if I’m not hitting the required number of usages of the words stupid, dumb ass, and loser. I’m obviously just inferior to someone who can troll on a message board and whine about how his team is better and never back it up with stats. Maybe once Trump gets hit tower built here we can be as high class as all of New York and you might grace us with your presence and teach us all how to be as awesome as you and the rest of that great New York fan base. I’ll just have to sit here sulking over having a team that’s performing very well to start their season and chuckle a little at the fact that Hank Freaking White just snuck a little dribbler past that amazing short stop you guys have. I think even Ronnie Cedeno could have made that play, now that’s embarrassing.

      • MetsMan1980

        Ok. I’ll come visit. You can wipe my ass while I’m there.

        • Poon

          Another third grade bathroom joke, add a crack about homosexuality and you could be a White Sox fan!

        • Thrillho

          Call someone a “faggot” and he’d fit in at Wrigley.

          We might want to fit him for a racist coolie hat first, though.

        • Poon

          I’ll chip in to get him one of those “Horry Kow” shirts.

  • MetsMan1980

    Mets? Really?

    Something tells me that I’m not going to prove to you that New York is better. Oh well. I guess somehow I’ll have to survive. But meanwhile, I continue to feel great about my city, and you continue to be (quite obviously) jealous of it. Come visit some time. Actually, on second thought, please don’t.

    • Mets? Really?

      Great. You feel good about your city. That’s the opposite of bad, like the logic or the “arguments” used in the majority of your comments. Feel good about yourself. In fact, I may send you a medal if you’re lucky.

      But be careful. The circus called. They need you back by 7 (That’s C.S.T.).

  • MetsMan1980

    Thrillho –

    Just because you’re a dumbass, I’ll explain to you that the breast joke was not a pedophilia joke. The point was that explaining to an indiot (like you) how NY is better than Chicago is like trying to explain like big (adult) boobs are better than small (adult) boobs. You see, only a nine year old (boy) wouldn’t get that, and most Cubs fans are working on about a 9 year old’s intellectual level.

    So it’s not the breasts than are 9 years old. It’s the person receiving the message. That’s you. Dumbass.

    • Thrillho

      Just because you’re such a nice guy, I’ll explain that the pedophilia joke I referred to way up there ^^^^ (this would all be much easier if you replied to comments directly instead of at the bottom of the thread) was my own, not yours. I.e., posting Chris Hansen’s photo (in response to you hypothetically talking to nine-year-olds about boob connoisseurship) and asking you if you’d please take a seat. It’s admittedly no great shakes (in fact, it’s a rather run of the mill internet joke), but I guess it gave me a chuckle.

  • MetsMan1980

    TJ Brown –

    If you think London is the world’s financial center, you probably think that Harry Carry is the most gifted baseball announcer ever. Please go live in Canada.

    • Even NY Magazine was conceding so much:

      LIBOR is a better indicator of our currency’s health.

      • Thrillho

        Wait… So TJ’s not moving to Canada now?

        But he would’ve so loved it there, American-finance-hating commie that he is.

  • MetsMan1980

    Would you people stop talking about where the movie stars live? No, LA is not better because Britney Spears lives there with her other crazy friends. The point is that businesses and famous people could give 2 shits about Chicago. And you all already are jealous of NY anyway. Do I really need to explain this all to you? Are you all really that dumb?

    • Poon

      You haven’t explained anything. You’ve only made half assed comments exposing how complicated it must be for someone like you to make it through the day.

    • JD

      I don’t live in Chicago or New York, so, yeah, I’m gonna need some explanation into what I’m missing.

  • Mets? Really?
  • I’m alternately excited and yet bummed that I was away all day today to see see that HJE has its very own Paul.

  • When did this turn into the message boards? Did I miss something? Were you bought out, BK? I’m not coming here if Carrie Muskat is gonna be posting.

  • 8-1 Cubs.

    MetsMan, do you want to borrow my broom?

  • That outstanding Mutt bullpen comes through again.

    I know you don’t know a whole lot about baseball, Radio, but generally, you don’t want your bullpen to give up a total of 9 runs in the bottom of the 8th inning in two days. You sort of want to do what Marmol did.

  • Holy freaking Cedeno. Maybe Ronny needs to play more, Lou.

    • Poon

      Don’t start gettin crazy just because he’s learned a little more discipline at the plate. His defense is still mediocre at best with lots of fundamental mistakes not to mention his problems running the bases.

      • Oleg

        Poon, worry not. I’ll still save a spot on the bandwagon for you whenever you feel like hopping on.

      • I’m not ready to completely throw away The Riot, Poon. Cedeno’s D still is suspect. However, I am going to stop being so rough on him for a bit and I still think he’s earned some more playing time. Theriot’s back is bothering him at the moment anyway, so if Ronny gets hot, it’s a perfect time for it.

  • thehawk

    So when does Van Dyke’s “we’re still not sure if the Cubs are good, since they have gotten most of their wins against the Pirates, Reds and Mets” article come out?

    And Mets Man, go ponder whether the Mets are as good as the Pirates.

  • bocaj

    Wow, that “upstart team” sure is great, who cares if they were outscored by 13 in two games?… I thought they could be swept, though Metsfan1980 wasn’t optimistic it could be done, but I didn’t take “wasn’t optimistic it could be done” for an answer.

  • Way to go Teej laying the LIBOR on him. That was my first response.

    My second? The freaking WSJ. In an article a few years back, the WSJ said that recruiter’s second most difficult job is to convince candidates to leave New York to move to Chicago. The most difficult job is making them move back.

  • cherigrace

    I TOLD you AramBaller would come back, Kermit. You should NOT HAVE MENTIONED PIERRE. Don’t you believe in curses, for God’s sake? He’s just calling himself MetsMan now (catchy)
    It always amazes me to see how some people have absolutely no sense of humor. He really doesn’t have the slightest clue that a site like this is ABOUT MAKING FUN OF THINGS….that’s why it’s so fucking hilarious. What a weiner.
    Too bad I don’t live in New York (well, actually not bad) Maybe this dude might come in my ER one day and start ragging on the Cubs and the site-that-represents-Cubs-Universe. He’d probably be there because he had a miniature apple stuck up his ass. We could get a stick and poke it up further.

  • TDubbs

    Now, I’m not one for making outlandish statements and commenting on the blogs on the interwebs, but MetsMan seems like a real douchecannon. I’d go so far as to say he likes the cock.
    I went to the game yesterday with two Mets fans from NY. They both now live in Chicago and think it’s better than where they grew up. I don’t know if it’s the lack of garbage in the streets or the lack of a bunch of guidos thinking they’re in Teh Sopranos, but they don’t want to move back. I think it’s mostly based on not having to deal with fucksticks like MetsMan.
    But alas, arguing on messageboards is about as pointless as MetsMan buying condoms. He’s probably already got the drip from his boyfriend, so why bother? And since it is pointless, I will gladly punch you in the throat in person if you want me to.

    Or I could tie you up, b/c I’m a pretty big guy, and I’m good with knots.

  • Elliot Spitzer

    MetsFan1980 is right, NYC is where the top class action is!!!!!

    It’s such a great place I had to drop $80,000 on a high class tranny just to get my jollies on!!!

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  • Black Mark Grace

    Boy, the Mets and their awesome pitching really made some waves in the playoffs this season, didn’t they? “World F–king Champions!” Utley’s a Met, right? Dumbass.

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