The Mailbag is back. Why?

Watching on TV, it sure looks like Rich Hill is not throwing the ball with the same mechanics as he has in the past. I’m not an expert (obviously), but there is something different about his form. Is it possible that all the work with him to cut down on stolen bases has just ruined his delivery and confidence?
– Barry B., Franklin, N.C.

If it’s great delivery and overconfidence you want, Dempster is your man. As for Hill, it’s possible that he’s off to a slow first nine innings, and will probably settle in and pitch fine this year.

CARRIE: Hill and pitching coach Larry Rothschild have said “No” to that. Hill does seem better when he doesn’t lean back as much during his delivery (maybe that’s what you’ve noticed). He also will tell you he needs to keep his shoulders square and be aggressive. Because he did not get much run support last year, there’s one school of thought that Hill may be trying to be too perfect.

I went to that school! Class of 2005! My favorite class was “Looking Over Your Shoulder: Is Marmol up Yet?”

CARRIE: What everyone does agree on is that the talent is there. It’s the mental part of the game that bogs Hill down. He just has to believe in himself and his stuff. The Cubs have been able to give him time to work on the side, and Rothschild sees encouraging signs. Look for him to be back in the rotation this weekend.

Yep. All he has to do is believe. Believe and throw strikes so he can work ahead of the batter. But mostly believe. And it couldn’t hurt if he’d spot his fastball better so he can set up his curveball. And having faith in himself. Also, using his left-handedness as an advantage to hold runners close when they get on first base. And affirming himself in the mirror when he has the blues. Also, keeping the ball down in the zone.

I know Mark DeRosa and Michael Johns from “American Idol” are buddies, and now that Michael was kicked off, will he be singing the national anthem at a Cubs game?
– Kellie B., Roselle, Ill.

Why do you want the Cubs to surround themselves with a culture of losing?

CARRIE: We’ve given the Cubs marketing department a heads-up about Johns’ interest in singing at Wrigley Field. He may have some time now that he’s been eliminated from the “Idol” competition. No word yet.

Oh, God. Who is “we”? Also, he’s going to have MORE time after getting eliminated from the “Idol” competition? Was that, “Sing a four-minute song once a week” schedule getting to be a bit much for him? What did his Blackberry calendar look like?

SUNDAY: Nothing.
MONDAY: Nothing.
TUESDAY: Sing a capella version of “Don’t You (Forget About Me).”
WEDNESDAY: Nothing.
THURSDAY: Get mistaken for Timothy Daly from Wings
FRIDAY: Nothing.
SATURDAY: Nothing.

For another Kerry Wood theme song, what about “Karn Evil 9″ by Emerson, Lake and Palmer. The first lines are, “Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends.”
– Fred VH., Carroll, Iowa.

Welcome back, my friends, to the theme that never ends.
It’s so clear you have no friends.
Come outside. Come outside.

CARRIE: Stop the music — and the e-mails. Cubs fans sent me more than 700 song titles for Wood. Bryan R. of Peoria wrote “Terminator” by Sevendust would be best; Bruce B. of Crown Point, Ind., thought “Iron Man” by Black Sabbath would work; Bill S., of Round Lake, Ill., says Twisted Sister’s “I Wanna Rock” still rocks; Andrew M. of Waterloo, Iowa, suggested “Swing” by Trace Adkins. A few people liked “Enter Sandman” by Metallica. Brandon J. of Decatur, Ill., was among many who said “Wild Thing;” and Lucas C. of Stoughton, Wis., and Troy H. of Rockford, Ill., both wanted to hear the Woody Woodpecker theme song (I’m not making that up).

If it annoys you so much, why did you count up the 700 different songs?

CARRIE: Among the song titles Skip S. of Albuquerque threw out were the Chicago Bears “Superbowl Shuffle.” Scott N. of Duluth, Minn., liked Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony and Jeffrey C. of Lexington, Ill., suggested “You Can’t Touch This” by MC Hammer. Casey Y. of Washington, Ill., thought “Sweet Home Chicago” would be good. Other suggestions included “Working Man” by Rush and Pat Benatar’s “Hit Me With Your Best Shot.” Also, need to note that “Knock on Wood” isn’t the correct title of the Mighty Mighty Bosstones’ song. It’s actually, “The Impression That I Get.”

And why is this the longest Mailbag answer you’ve ever given?

CARRIE: The music varied from the Irish “Kerry Polka” by the Tossers (thanks Aaron D. of Chicago) to the funky “Super Bad” by James Brown to the theme song from “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.”

And why am I still reading this?

CARRIE: And, many thought organist Gary Pressy was enough. There was this from Keith B. of Elgin, Ill.: “These suggestions are ridiculous. I cannot believe something other than a riff on the organ is even being suggested.”

Who cares, you cranky old bastard? Would you prefer the players went back to wearing paper popcorn tubs on their heads for helmets and used a sheep’s bladder for a ball, like they did back in your day? Maybe they could ride donkeys to the games and swing shillelaghs made of hickory, because that’s the way the game used to be played when it was “pure.” Why even play at a ballpark at all? Back in the day, the games were played in coal mines by “men’s men” who repressed their latent homosexuality the only way they knew how! By drinking too much and beating their wives!

Or maybe it wouldn’t be that big a deal if they played a song over the loudspeakers at Wrigley when Wood comes in. Like they do at the beginning of the game. And after every Cubs win. And between every inning.

CARRIE: Thanks for all the songs, but please send all future ideas to the Cubs’ marketing department.

Methinks McDonough got out just in time.

With all this talk about what Wood’s entrance music should be, I just wanted to suggest Ryan Theriot should come up to the plate with “Riot Act” by Skid Row.
– Matt R., Chicago

Or the theme song from Webster.

CARRIE: I’m not sure Gary Pressy knows that one.

Does the Iowa Cubs’ organist know it? Because I’m sure we can work something out.

With the slow start that Alfonso Soriano has had, is there any way Lou Piniella might try to find another fit for the leadoff spot?
– Brent W., Kewanee, Ill.

Brent, that’s the nicest possible way of saying, “Please ask Lou to get Soriano the hell out of the leadoff spot.” Kudos.

CARRIE: It’s only been 12 games.

Hasn’t he moved him once already? After only two games?

CARRIE: Soriano wouldn’t be leading off if the Cubs had acquired Brian Roberts, but they didn’t.

Then why the hell do I have this Brian Roberts Cubs jersey?

CARRIE: Look at the positives:

No. Oh, all right.

CARRIE: Soriano has two homers, five RBIs and two stolen bases so far. In April 2007, he had zero home runs and one RBI with two stolen bases in 18 games. Last September as the leadoff man, he hit .320 with 14 homers and 27 RBIs. He’s not the typical No. 1 hitter, and his strikeouts and on-base percentage aren’t a good fit at the top of the order. But he can provide instant offense. He’s running better, he’s comfortable there and he produces there.

So, he stunk at the beginning of last year and was out of position, and he’s stunk so far at the beginning of this year, but not as bad as last year, and he’s still out of position. You are a shining beacon of positivity afloat on my sea of pessimism, Carrie.

What was Ernie Banks’ highest salary with the Cubs?
– Henry G., Louisville, Ky.

Why? Are you doing his back taxes?

CARRIE: Banks’ top salary was $65,000. To show how much times have changed, he received a $2,000 signing bonus from the Cubs.

“Times have changed?” You mean the Cubs are paying Theriot MORE than $67,000 to play shortstop?!

Why have the Cubs not put out a shirt for Fukudome in kanji? When Matsuzaka came to the Red Sox, the team changed all its signage to be both in English and Japanese. We should be embarrassed by the fact the only shirts with his name in Japanese are in katakana.
– Carrie R., Minneapolis

We should be more embarrassed that the ones in English say “Horry Cow!”

CARRIE: Fukudome isn’t embarrassed. For those who don’t know, katakana is a phonetic script used mainly for writing foreign words in Japanese. You can find Fukudome shirts with his name in katakana — just do a Google search. However, kanji is the Japanese script. In Japan, the players’ names are spelled out using the alphabet. Japanese TV producer Takako Nakamichi said using the katakana or kanji isn’t “cool,” and the players actually prefer having their names spelled in English.

“For those who don’t know, here is what I just looked up on Wikipedia and tried to pass off as my own recollection.”

I had dinner at Harry Caray’s on Opening Day 1993. A Cubs pitcher threw a one-hitter and received a standing ovation when he came into the dining room. For the life of me, I can’t remember his name or what happened to his career.
– Mark B., Westfield, Mass.

AND I HAVE NO ACCESS TO THE INTERNET, OTHER THAN THIS ONE E-MAIL I WROTE!!! IN FACT, I DON’T KNOW HOW I’M GOING TO READ YOUR RESPONSE!!!

CARRIE: Your timing might be off by a day. Mike Morgan started the ’93 season opener against Atlanta and former Cub Greg Maddux, and the Braves won, 1-0. In the second game, April 6, Jose Guzman one-hit the Braves, and the Cubs won, 1-0, so maybe it was Guzman enjoying the chicken vesuvio. Otis Nixon broke up his no-hitter bid with a two-out single in the ninth. Guzman struck out seven and walked two in the game. The right-hander went 12-10 that season with the Cubs and pitched in four games in 1994 before his career ended because of problems with his right shoulder. He had a bone spur removed at the end of the ’94 season, and the Cubs released him in June 1996. He tried to come back in 1998 with the Texas Rangers, but his shoulder didn’t cooperate, and Guzman retired on March 29, 1998.

Because I read that useless information about Jose Guzman, I have now forgotten my brother-in-law’s birthday. Thanks for yet another educational Mailbag, Carrie.