Please Hold Off on the Punchline, Ryan
Okay, Ryan Dempster. You’re two starts into the 2008 season, and you should be 2-0. You’ve pitched well, so far, which leads me to believe this this is an elaborate hoax. I suspect you’re going to pitch great for a while, just to fool us. You’ll hover around a 3.50 ERA, strike out about 5 guys a game, and stop doing your Harry Caray impression. You’ll even learn a relatively cool card trick, with which you’ll impress your little cousins at the Dempster Fourth of July BBQ.
So, when is the punchline coming, Ryan? May? The All-Star Break? The stretch run? The playoffs? The World Series? Just tell me now, Ryan. I don’t want to get my hopes up and pretend you’re a different pitcher than the 52-58, 4.97 dog of a starter that you’ve been throughout your career.
So, come on. I’m dying to know. I’m the guy who peeks at his Christmas presents. What’s the punchline? Are you going to give up two grand slams in an inning? Deliver a bases-loaded, walkoff beanball? Give up eight earned runs without making an out? Lose the game that allows the Cardinals to clinch the NL Central? Run into Derrek Lee while trying to catch a popup, killing him? Huh? Huh?!
Come on, Ryan! I’m dying here! You have to tell me! I can’t handle the suspense!!!
Until the punchline, though, can you please keep pitching like you’ve been pitching?
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Comments
JackB I’m not sure I want to live in the bizarre topsy-turvy world where Ryan Dempster is a good pitcher. I’m scared and slightly confused.
Ty Griffin BK looking for something from Ryan Dempster that he hasn’t shown them yet. What that is, is hard to define.
Jarritos I think the punch line will be after the All-Star break. Ladies and gentleman, may we present the new Jason Marquis.
The original Jason Marquis? I suspect that, by the stretch run, he’ll be Lou’s go to whipping boy for long relief in blowouts, last resorts in bizarre extra inning ventures and scapegoat for when Sinatro inevitable destroys the lavatory of team flights from the West coast.
Start Kyle Orton Perhaps the damn swishing of his glove actually is the reason? Maybe he really Was tipping his pitches?
Rick Moranis Hey Hoser, I’m pretty sure us Canadians don’t celebrate your countries independence, aye. But if you want to come back to my apartment I’ve got all kinds of mineral water…
Brick “Eh” = Canadian.
“Aye” = Scottish or Pirate.
“Ach! Sore-y a-boht your having ta wheet on swabbin’ the deck, aye.” = Scottish Canadian Pirate.
Thrillho I think Brenly or Kasper said something to this effect during the spring.
Dempster always goes to his glove with the same split-finger grip on the ball. The little waggle is to maintain a consistent look to the batter whether he’s changing up his grip or not.
CT
bocaj
BigFlax
StPatrick
TDubbs
If he doesn’t stop swishing his glove around during his motion, I’m going to beat him to death with that rubber chicken.