DEMPSTER is our stopper? God, help us all.Well, well, well. Everyone’s been questioning Sweet Uncle Lou’s decision-making ability. “You’re a crazy old bastard who makes up crazy lineups!” they yelled. “Dempster sucks and shouldn’t be a starter!” they taunted. “You can’t walk down the street with no pants!” they suggested. Well, Dempster is our stopper, so who’s laughing now? Anyhow, here’s the Roundup:

  • Hey, Rick. If you can’t see that Moises was just trying to make idiots like you stop writing about Bartman, you’re dumber than I thought. I’m quite certain that Moises wouldn’t have thrown an on-field temper tantrum if he didn’t think he had a shot at catching that ball. Look, Bartman wasn’t the sole reason the Cubs lost that series, but he screwed up. Totally exonerating him is just as stupid as blaming him for everything. But we’re all over it. Stop writing about it. But if it’ll make you feel better, Rick, “Steve, I’m sorry you’re completely unaware of what the hell is going on around you in your life.”
  • It’s about time someone in our system gave a damn.
  • Attention, Mets fans: We all know you’re idiots, but when you collectively decide that you’d rather have Jose Reyes than Hanley Ramirez, it shows what lame-ass, clueless homers you are. No wonder Santo hates you.
  • Somebody finally figured out that Carlos Zambrano needs less caffeine in his diet.
  • I guess the Brewers like doing impressions of me. Laugh it up now, fucking assholes. You want an impression? Here is my impression of the Brewers in October of 2008: “Fore!”
  • I’m a man of action. After only two games, Soriano is moving back to leadoff. I’m hoping next year the MLB actually lets us switch my batting order mid-game.
  • Hey, Wrigley Field ranked in the top ten professional ballparks in some gay magazine.
  • I suspect Steve Rosenbloom doesn’t actually understand what a “trade” is.
  • You know how we have traditionally gotten their good players from Pittsburgh? Well, their bad players generally end up in Baltimore. And the tradition continues.
  • It’s about time John Campanera was stopped. Thank you, Dutchie.
  • Speaking of bad ads, I don’t remember agreeing to this, and I don’t expect to live it down any time soon.
  • The Wall Street Journal proves once again why you should never read it for sports news.
  • Poor NSBB. Brian Dopirak, one of their favorite shitty players, was released last week. I suspect it’ll be the organization’s fault for “rushing him” through his six minor league seasons.
  • The Bright One stopped allowing comments for Jay Mariotti articles, so the Tribune responded by taking your comments. Awesome.
  • Finally, this Google Maps Street View? I don’t like it.

Well, have a good weekend, gang. I’m off to figure out the total possible number of lineup permutations, and how many more seasons I need to coach to use them all.

-Sweet Uncle Lou