Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “I Know What I’m Doing” Edition
Well, well, well. Everyone’s been questioning Sweet Uncle Lou’s decision-making ability. “You’re a crazy old bastard who makes up crazy lineups!” they yelled. “Dempster sucks and shouldn’t be a starter!” they taunted. “You can’t walk down the street with no pants!” they suggested. Well, Dempster is our stopper, so who’s laughing now? Anyhow, here’s the Roundup:
- Hey, Rick. If you can’t see that Moises was just trying to make idiots like you stop writing about Bartman, you’re dumber than I thought. I’m quite certain that Moises wouldn’t have thrown an on-field temper tantrum if he didn’t think he had a shot at catching that ball. Look, Bartman wasn’t the sole reason the Cubs lost that series, but he screwed up. Totally exonerating him is just as stupid as blaming him for everything. But we’re all over it. Stop writing about it. But if it’ll make you feel better, Rick, “Steve, I’m sorry you’re completely unaware of what the hell is going on around you in your life.”
- It’s about time someone in our system gave a damn.
- Attention, Mets fans: We all know you’re idiots, but when you collectively decide that you’d rather have Jose Reyes than Hanley Ramirez, it shows what lame-ass, clueless homers you are. No wonder Santo hates you.
- Somebody finally figured out that Carlos Zambrano needs less caffeine in his diet.
- I guess the Brewers like doing impressions of me. Laugh it up now, fucking assholes. You want an impression? Here is my impression of the Brewers in October of 2008: “Fore!”
- I’m a man of action. After only two games, Soriano is moving back to leadoff. I’m hoping next year the MLB actually lets us switch my batting order mid-game.
- Hey, Wrigley Field ranked in the top ten professional ballparks in some gay magazine.
- I suspect Steve Rosenbloom doesn’t actually understand what a “trade” is.
- You know how we have traditionally gotten their good players from Pittsburgh? Well, their bad players generally end up in Baltimore. And the tradition continues.
- It’s about time John Campanera was stopped. Thank you, Dutchie.
- Speaking of bad ads, I don’t remember agreeing to this, and I don’t expect to live it down any time soon.
- The Wall Street Journal proves once again why you should never read it for sports news.
- Poor NSBB. Brian Dopirak, one of their favorite shitty players, was released last week. I suspect it’ll be the organization’s fault for “rushing him” through his six minor league seasons.
- The Bright One stopped allowing comments for Jay Mariotti articles, so the Tribune responded by taking your comments. Awesome.
- Finally, this Google Maps Street View? I don’t like it.
Well, have a good weekend, gang. I’m off to figure out the total possible number of lineup permutations, and how many more seasons I need to coach to use them all.
-Sweet Uncle Lou
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CT
StPatrick
PenFoe
BigFlax
Bocaj
It’s not like you were strolling out to the sidewalk to get the morning paper. Who goes to the zoo without putting on pants, I ask you?
Isn’t that just great the Brewers, the soap opera darlings of MLB, can just yuck it up? Hopefully something like this can
motivate our beloved Cubs so they can start kicking some ass and then come October The Fresh Fat Prince of Milwaukee
will be laying on his couch with about 10 bags of cheezy-poofs and wonder how it all went south for them!!
It’s about time John Campanera was stopped. Thank you, Dutchie.-Amen Lou. Those ads were totally pissing me off. I had started to wonder if the Caray family had approved them. Glad to hear they didn’t. A Harry impression is all right, if it’s funny, I guess. These were decidedly unfunny.
Your bobblehead visage is hypnotic, Lou. I spent five minutes simply making your internet likeness bob its head. Then I realized my boss was behind me. Oops. At least it wasn’t Jenna Jameson bobbing HER head.
I really wish Milwaukee had stayed in the American league. Then I could root for them against the White Sox, like I used to do when I was a kid. Paul Molitor was freaking awesome. Now they just annoy me. No matter how good their team gets, they’ll never be the rivals that the Cardinals are. Not gonna happen, sorry.
The Brewers are ridiculously overconfident for a team that gagged a huge division lead and then didn’t get any better. I smell karma coming to bite them in the ass.
That John Campanera stuff is the fault of creepy Grant DePorter, I’m sure. That dude will drop his pants for anybody. How long did that weasel milk the whole damn Bartman thing?
Dutchie don’t like it? Too fucking bad, she should have thought about that when she agreed to conspire with Deporter to whore-out her dead husband’s likeness to begin with.