Hire Jim Essian

Is it true? Could it be? Is Carrie paying attention to my constant complaints that she always picks questions from Cubs fans located in remote geographical regions? This week's Mailbag doesn't have a single question from Alaska, Tennessee, or the nucleus of a uranium atom. What gives? Lucky for us, there are plenty of stupid ... Read More

All right, the day's getting late. It's been a real great fucking day. They're really fucking behind you here(/fucking sarcasm). But I don't want this fucking day to be such a complete fucking waste of time. Uncle Lee's been watching your fucking team and he's gotta say--this is not your typical band of jobless cocksuckers. I ... Read More

Well, Roger, we all knew you were a fucking cocksucker. You've been a 'roided-up, self-centered hired gun prick for your entire career. You've played for the Red Sox and the Yankees, two of the most hated fucking franchises in all of baseball. And now, we find out that you're a fucking pedophile. Even giving you the ... Read More

...but I would be remiss not to mention that today also marks the 11th anniversary of the passing of one of the most loyal Cubs fans and finest columnists in the history of this great city of Chicago. If ever there was a "voice of Chicago," that voice belonged to Mike Royko. He was the working-class writer who ... Read More

All right all you cocksuckers. Mean Uncle Lee's feeling a little less "mean" today. After picking up my Dunkin Donuts morning fucking coffee and fucking apple fritter today, I'm nice and chilled-the-fuck-out. It so happened that I was offered a fucking opportunity to share some of the fucking wealth with all of you jobless cocksuckers, and so ... Read More

All right listen up you jobless cocksuckers, because Uncle Lee's only got this one day to keep you motherfuckers on the stick. Since you jerkoffs can't seem to find any way to find consistent fucking work, it's up to motherfuckers like me, in the other 85 per cent, to keep you cocksuckers entertained. I don't know what's worse--being an unemployed ... Read More

Holidays are fun. Before the festivities get started today, I'd like to say that I've always admired Lee Elia and felt bad for him getting scorched like he did. And he was right. Not in the 15%/85% split--although that's funny--but in what he said about his team's ability, when he insisted that the Cubs--dormant for a ... Read More

Tom Foley's numbers against the Cubs aren't particularly good. Of course, Foley's numbers against everyone else aren't particularly good, either. But anyone who followed the Cubs in the 80s and early 90s remembers what a pain in the ass the pesky little shortstop was. Pain enough to come in at #64 on the Top 79 Cub Killers ... Read More

Have at it. Thanks to RV for the image. ... Read More

Despite my desires to ignore the whole thing, it looks like Tuesday's 25-year anniversary of Lee Elia's rant is going to be shoved down all of our throats. Might as well embrace it. Who had a better Cub meltdown? Elia or Lou Piniella? You be the judge. ... Read More