Hire Jim Essian

INT.--JIM HENDRY'S OFFICE--DAY Cubs manager LOU PINIELLA and general manager JIM HENDRY sit around a desk in Hendry's office. Lou's Cubs have just dropped another game to the Diamondbacks, their Lou breathes slowly into a paper bag as Jim throws pencils at the ceiling, trying to get them to stick. JIM: How you doing, Lou? You feeling better? LOU: ... Read More

Hi Sam, I'm fairly confident you'll never read this. A man such as yourself doesn't have the time to fart around on the interwebs when there are deals to be made. However, on the off chance that this missive reaches you, please take these words to heart. After closing the deal on your Tribune purchase in December, it was widely ... Read More

Another day, another bunch of stupid questions asked by people who live hundreds of miles from Wrigley Field. I think Carrie deserves a break from this miserable round, so I'll do the answering for her. I keep reading about the competition between Felix Pie and Fuld for center field. Most Cubs fans have seen what Pie can do, but the ... Read More

I wouldn't wish Cincinnati Red fandom on anyone on earth right now. Not only do those poor people have to watch Dusty Baker mismanage their team, but now they're fortunate enough to watch the infuriating Corey Patterson swing from his ass and block center field stud prospect Jay Bruce. As added insult to injury, the Reds also inked ... Read More

Guys, after fiddling around with the numbers for a lot longer than I wanted to, I've decided I've gotten the numbers as close to "solid" as I can. I can't get relievers to be worth a damn, so I think we should just go with starting pitchers. Pitchers are still slightly overvalued in comparison to hitters, but oh ... Read More

If I'm Kosuke Fukudome, I'm worried. So far in Spring Training, my two outfield partners have been sidelined by injuries that can only be described as " What the hell? " First up is Fonzie. Apparently, our left fielder was told to not bring a glove to the field during some outfield drills. At least that's the only explanation I can ... Read More

Bwahahaaa! Did you get a load of what Jason Marquis said over the weekend (emphasis on the word LOAD)? He said he wants to start or be traded? Marquis? Look, I could understand if Zambrano demanded to be in the rotation or to be traded. Or Lilly. Or Hill. Or Wood. Or ... Read More

As you may already have read in this morning's Daily Herald, Kosuke Fukudome was the "victim" of a "hilarious", "practical", "joke" yesterday, the perpetrator being none other than the prince of funny, the king of chortle, the sultan of fnarr fnarr - yes, the man whom Richard Pryor named as his biggest influence - the one, the only, Scott Eyre. ... Read More