Preseason Round Table: Part Four

As you know, your local HJE idiots put together a panel of experts to form a Round Table of sorts to answer all eight of your preseason Cubs questions. Of course, the gang at HJE chipped in, too. Parts One, Two, and Three of the ensuing mayhem were published earlier this week. Part Four follows.

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Question Seven: Who will lead the Cubs in Saves in 2008 (This question was asked BEFORE Wood was named the closer. –Ed.)?

Mike Donohue (Hire Jim Essian!): Marmol.

Len Kasper (Only Guy Required to Tell Bob Brenly He Has Hot Dog Bun Crumbs in His Mustache): Kerry Wood.

Eli Gieryna (Flotsam): Since it’s still March, I’m optimistic and hopeful about the season. I say Kerry Wood, with 34. Marmol will chip in with 6-8 of his own, on days Kerry needs a break.

Bruce Miles (Daily Herald): Kerry Wood.

Andy Dolan (Desipio): I hope Wood does. Gordon Wittenmeyer predicted that it’ll be Marmol, and since that dumbass is always wrong, I like Woody’s chances. But I have a hunch that Howry will make it close.

Jeff Thomas (Hire Jim Essian!): I hope it’s Wood, but if I were a betting man, I’d say Howry. And seeing as I am a betting man, I’ll have a fiver, each way.

Chuck Gitles (Ivy Chat): Oh, could it please be Joe Nathan? Let’s venture that it will be Bobby Howry as he seems certain to start the season in that role. Carlos Marmol is probably a year away, although may be the closer by September. Kerry Wood? Oy… He either wins the Fireman of the Year award or is looking to be a fireman by July.

Kelly Dwyer (Yahoo! Sports): I’m Not Sure. I’m Still Not Convinced That Saves Are The Most Worrying Aspect Of The 2008 Cubs. I Still Think On Base Percentage And A Strong Overall Determined Attitude Will Put These Cubs Over The Top.

Chris Sprow (ESPN): Though he should stay where he was last year because nobody can prove with any measure that the 8th inning is easier than the 9th to pitch, Carlos Marmol.

Kermit: Kerry Wood. And after each save, he will impregnate one random woman in the crowd just by casting a sideways glance at her. These Wood babies will be raised on a commune of sorts where they will develop strength, discipline, baseball ability, and loyalty to the Cubs. By the year 2030, the Cubs will have an entire team of Kerry Wood offspring, who will lead the Cubs to 7 World Series titles in the 30s.

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Question Eight: What will your average Cardinal fan see more of this year? Rick Ankiel striking out, or unemployment checks?

Dwyer: DK57!

(That’s my answer, by the way)

Kasper: I think they’ll see more pitching changes than anything else.

Donohue: Well I believe that unemployment checks only come once a month. I’d venture to say that Rick Ankiel will whiff more times in 1 month than your average Cardinal fan will receive in government-subsidized employment assistance all year.

Gitles: Tony LaRussa dodging to talk about the Mitchell report.

Sprow: Well, right now for Jan ‘08 I have Illinois edging Mizz with a 5.6% to 5.5% unemployment rate, but of course, we’re highly skilled people, so perhaps we have a higher rate of people simply waiting for the right CEO position to open. So let’s go for K’s for Sweet Rick. I’ll give him this: I always want to see what he does. Still.

Thomas: Baseball’s greatest fans are going to be glad of the breeze that emanates from Ankiel’s bat this summer – and there won’t be much else to be glad of. I can’t begin to tell you how excited I am about just how hard the Cards are going to suck this year. You can bat the pitcher eighth all you like, Tony – your reputation will be in tatters by September in any case. No, I’m not superstitious, why do you ask?

Gieryna: Neck tattoos > Jean shorts > Naked cousins > Unemployment checks > Ankiel strike outs (for the record, PECOTA projects 130 Ankiel whiffs this year).

Dolan: I think they’re going to see all kinds of numbers that Tony LaRussa might deem “significant.”

Miles: I think they’ll be looking up and seeing the Cubs ahead of them in the standings. Dusty’s 2003 prediction of a whole decade of the Cubs coming at them will come true. Just without Dusty.

Kermit: I can’t give an accurate number of just how many welfare checks the Best Fans in Baseball^TM will cash or how many times they will watch the Most Heroic Figure in Sports History^TM strike out, but I can assure you that they will do it with the dignity and respect the sports world has come to expect from the classiest fans in the history of sports.

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Thank you so much to all the participants in the Round Table for being such great sports and for coming up with such fantastic answers. No matter what anyone else says about you, you’re all okay in my book.

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