This is the type of topic that gets the clownish hacks at the Bright One’s sports section to pen 700 words instead of actually writing about, you know, sports. However, I have seen nary a reference to this anywhere and wanted to throw it out there to see if anyone can confirm or my deny my optimistic hunch that the Cubs have finally decided to rid themselves of the decade-long hackneyed distraction that has been the “7th Inning Guest Conductor”.

When outgoing Cubs President John McDonough arranged last season’s Ultimate 7th Inning Stretch Conductor contest I wondered aloud if McDonough was using the term “ultimate” literally, meaning “final”. At least it was my hope that he was.

My beef with this practice actually has had less to do with the actual performance at the park than with the obligation of the TV and radio broadcast teams to interview the guest conductor while the game is going on. After all, when you’re at the game, it hardly matters. You’re up for the stretch anyway, you sing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame”, you sit down and you get back to watching the game.

But those at home, or in their cars, have not been not so lucky. If the guest was an ex-Cub or an athlete who knew his place, then the annoyance was minimal. But waaaay more often than not, the guest would be some vacuous entertainer whose sole interest was a movie, or TV show, or book, or charitable endeavor that needed to be plugged. Subsequently, viewers and listeners were subjected to a half-inning where suddenly it was all about the guest and the game suddenly took a back seat. This would become even more aggravating when the game was in the balance. You’re fretting a one-run lead or one-run deficit but Pat and Ron or Len and Bob are constantly steering the action to, say, faux Cubs fan John Cusack’s latest chick flick.

It was an interesting idea at first. Harry died right before Spring Training in 1998 and McDonough, in another in what was a series of masterstrokes that he executed during his 25+ years of working in the Cubs’ Marketing Department, came up with the idea to honor Harry by having Cub fans who were well-known sing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame”.

The idea didn’t take long to jump the tracks, though. It quickly went from being celebrity Cub fans to anybody coming through town with something to plug. Remember that silly Tae-Bo craze and the guy–Billy Blanks–who was at the forefront of it? Well, I wouldn’t either, but for the fact that I still remember when this goof was tapped to sing and admitted, during the interview, that it was the first baseball game he had ever attended.

For me, though, the straw that broke the camel’s back occured in only its second season–1999. Marion Ross, best known as Mrs. Cunningham on the 70′s sitcom Happy Days had come through town. I was driving home from work and listening to the game on WGN-AM. It was in July or August, and I’m pretty sure the Cubs were playing the Brewers. It was a humid, overcast day and the Cubs had begun, as per custom, to play out the string in another depressing and disappointing campaign.

So Marion Ross was being interviewed by Pat and Ron in the bottom of the 6th. Her plug? She was being honored by the town of Marion, IL because, you know, her first name was the same as the town whose claim to fame, as far as I could tell, had been that it was the home of Pete Rose while he was doing time for tax evasion.

She was being honored because her name was “Marion”

To frame the scene, the Cubs had been down by alot of runs. During the inning that Marion Ross was in the booth, the Cubs kept scoring runs and inched closer to tying the game. Sadly, this meant that whatever enjoyment I had at the Cubs coming back was muted by the dreadfully extended interview that poor ole’ Pat Hughes was obligated to give Miss Ross. With Jose Hernandez at the plate, the following exchange–to the best of my memory–took place:

Pat Hughes: So “Marion Ross Day” will be taking place in Marion, Illinois on Thursday.
Marion Ross: Uh huh. That’s right
Pat: The pitch to Hernandez. He swings and hits one to left! Towards the corner! That one’s got a chaaaaaance….GONE!
Ron Santo: ALLLL RIGHT!
Marion: WOOOOOOOO! Are we winning now?
Pat: No, Marion, the Cubs trail by only one now.

While I’m paraphrasing (it has been 9 years), that’s essentially the exchange that took place, I swear. From that day forward, I have operated under the premise that these silly interviews are not fair to the broadcasters and that they are a hindrance to the listener/viewer’s enjoyment of the telecast. Len Kasper does a very good job with the interviews on the TV side, but even he, I suspect, has days where he dreads having to turn his back on the game to pay attention to his interviewee.

So far, there has been no mention of this practice continuing. I’m hopeful that this remains the case. I think after ten seasons, most people would agree that it’s time to pull the plug on this nonsense. Play a tape of Harry leading it and let the new tradition take over.