Just a random Sun-Times pic, but damn that headline sums it up for me.

I am going to start by saying that I have always detested Jim Thompson, I am suspicious of the Illinois Sports Facilities Authority and that Sam Zell’s intention to sell Wrigley Field to the authority seems like it is an opportunity fraught with money-grabbing.

Therefore, I am more than happy to read an account of how this deal spells doom. Tuesday, Carol Slezak tried writing one.

And failed.

Look, after taking a hatchet to Carol’s colleague Greg Couch I was really hoping for tranquility in my sports page yesterday. I saw that Carol had written about the the whole affair and really, really, really hoped that our girl would deliver. Honest.

Well, I’m still waiting.

I could go line-by-line like we sometimes like to do here, but I don’t have the energy to do that today; I really don’t. I know, I know. Such a concession means the ignoramous class is prevailing, but there are only so many hours in a day. Remember–while this may be the job for people lke Slezak and Couch–it’s merely an obsessive hobby for me. Also, we really aren’t trying to make this a Chicago-centric version of Fire Joe Morgan, where our goal is to patiently and painstakingly deconstruct the ill-informed pablum that signifies most major sportswriting in this town (no small task to be sure, as FJM seems to spend about 70% of their time taking down things written in our Chicago dailies). I know the simple solution is to stop reading the paper or turn off the radio and besides, we’d rather talk about the Cubs and have a few laughs while guessing how many eggs go into a Darryl Ward omelet–it’s just that it’s hard to just let some things go.

But like I said, I’d like to be brief with this one.

First off, I would like to point out that Carol’s first sentence–

Jim Thompson went on WSCR radio station over the weekend to make his case for the State of Illinois buying Wrigley Field.

–sounds like it’s written by a Japanese person learning English.

Secondly, the basis for Carol’s argument lies in the third paragraph, which is as follows:

Thompson, the ISFA head, mentioned that with a STIF, the state would issue bonds to pay for Wrigley Field’s renovation, and pay for them with the increase in revenues generated by the renovation.

Okay, I’m not an economist, a tax accountant or any sort of policy wonk, so forgive me. But she’s just talking about selling bonds, right? So long as you find buyers for the bonds, and you can demonstrate the security of the investment (which could be a whole other ballgame, but follow me here), that sounds to me like a standard capital investment plan. The IFSA finds buyer for the bonds that they are able to pay back–at, say maybe a 6% rate–down the road after the original investment has yielded revenue. Theoretically, I’m having a hard time attacking this notion, even if I, too, am suspicious of Thompson et.al. Fairness dictates I look at this for how it’s presented unless and until new evidence comes to light.

And, oh by the way,

and oh, by the way? By the way what? You never went into why the idea of bonds are bad.

the city would have to give up its share of tax revenue growth for 30 years. Do you like the sound of any of this? Me neither.

I agree that sounds like a raw deal–the city giving over growth-based revenue to this state authority so that the authority can pay back its bonds? But wouldn’t Da Mare be pretty quick to jump on that? Oh wait, he was.

Anyway, after a brief exposition of what Thompson’s stated plan is, Slezak immediately decides to just go ahead and go for the rhetorical jugular.

While not technically a pyramid scheme, I can’t help but think of a STIF as one.

Wha wha whaaaa? Pyramid scheme? What is she talking about? Carol wrote those words immediately after discussing the bonds-based financing and a diversion of tax revenue from one party (city) to another (state authority. To help, you know, pay the bonds) How is that a pyramid scheme? More significantly, how can anyone jump to that conclusion based on the previous paragraph? It’s almost as if Carol wrote

Jim Thompson and Sam Zell are greedy meanies. I don’t exactly understand how they’re making out like bandits with this whole bonds-based capital investment and tax revenue diversion thing, but I just know that they are so I’m just going to call the whole thing a pyramid scheme.

In fairness, that’s just the 4th paragaph, of course. Carol still has 600 words to describe how, exactly, this pyramid scheme works, right? So does Carol ever come around to truly exploring what is behind this? Does she do her job as a columnist and support her hypothesis with some facts and research? Well, if sitting around the radio listening to–are you ready for this?–Jesse Rogers is your idea of research, then yes. And good luck. I’m done shredding this article.

As I’ve stressed, I am largely ambivalent about all of this business related to Wrigley Field in the first place–its name, its status, its stupid marquee, all of it. So long as the Cubs call it home, I am only interested in what goes on inside the park. I also, as stated, am not a fan of Jim Thompson and have my own reservations as to who’s getting what out of this deal. That’s beside the point here. The point is, if you’re going to write about this, know what the hell you’re talking about. Take my former colleague at GROTA, Byron, who had the opportunity, on an off chance, to ask Governor Helmet Head some questions and seized the opportunity by asking some thoughtful questions. Go read that instead. Much more illuminating than that car wreck that was in the “Bright One.”