I wouldn’t wish Cincinnati Red fandom on anyone on earth right now. Not only do those poor people have to watch Dusty Baker mismanage their team, but now they’re fortunate enough to watch the infuriating Corey Patterson swing from his ass and block center field stud prospect Jay Bruce. As added insult to injury, the Reds also inked Jerry Hairston, Jr., a guy who played like such a moron in Chicago, he made Ronny Cedeno look savvy. Is this what it was like for the rest of the NL Central when Dusty was in Chicago? It’s going to be a long season, Reds fans.

But better you than us.