If I’m Kosuke Fukudome, I’m worried. So far in Spring Training, my two outfield partners have been sidelined by injuries that can only be described as “ What the hell? ”

First up is Fonzie. Apparently, our left fielder was told to not bring a glove to the field during some outfield drills. At least that’s the only explanation I can come up with for Soriano breaking a finger when a fungo-hit fly ball hit off his throwing hand . Who does he think he is, Kevin Mitchell?

Okay, so we’ve already known that if it weren’t for his strong throwing arm, Soriano would hardly be an improvement defensively over most of the stiffs we’ve had defending left field over the years. He’s as timid as a mouse when he gets near the wall, he takes funny angles to the ball, he hops around unnecessarily. I’m not gonna bag on Fonzie like Chuck regularly does , but I sometimes wonder where on earth he learned how to play the non-hitting part of baseball. As it stands, Soriano and his .330 OBP should be back leading off within a week.

Felix Pie apparently grew up 10 minutes from Soriano’s hometown in the Dominican Republic. As part of Pie’s welcoming to a big-league U.S. city last season, his fellow countryman Soriano apparently showed Pie too much of a good time during his first call-up. Rumor has it that Pie “wasn’t getting enough sleep” and was sent back down after showing some flashes of the prospect we’ve been hearing about since 2003. Make of that what you will, but if Soriano wants to do any favors for Pie, he’ll not only avoid giving pointers on how to play outfield defense to Pie, but will also refrain from taking the kid out to Division Street until 3 AM too often. This would not only help Pie make the ballpark in time, but may help him avoid any damage to his privates. Buried in the above link is this painful nugget:

and outfielder Felix Pie missed a couple of days early because of a twisted testicle.

Guh. I instinctively doubled over just typing that.

Also, Jason Marquis? You’re making your bosses’ job soooo much easier .