Hire Jim Essian

In a special exception to the "Two men enter" rule, tonight's FNF has THREE choices. Can you stand the excitement? We were discussing sissy pitchers in the Shoutbox today, and I had an idea for the Fukudome. Three of the biggest pansies in baseball are currently Mike Hampton, Carl Pavano, and Mark Prior. But one of ... Read More

Hey, ween-bags, we have a LOT of crap to wade through this week. I guess all of your local beat writers were saving up all winter so that they could release 1,000 baseball articles all over us in one week. So, wipe those articles out of your hair and eyebrows, and sit back for your Roundup: Just because that ... Read More

Guys, I'd like to finalize the Neifiball (I'm calling it that now) leagues this weekend. It looks like we ended up with 16 guys in the Neifi League (NL) and 14 in the Alfonseca League (AL). Would anyone be interested in getting together for a live draft for the NL? Not everyone has to go, obviously, but ... Read More

With baseball villain Roger Clemens digging a deeper and deeper grave for himself, one happy thought has been running through my mind. If Clemens' is guilty of using performance-enhancing drugs, that makes Greg Maddux the greatest pitcher of the modern era. I'm sure if you posted such a declaration on the Sons of Sam Horn message board, the cries of, ... Read More

I know that it's really become sort of a cliche for bloggers to take shots at the mainstream scribes, but living in Chicago really makes it hard to ignore the stunning breadth of clueless writers, grasping for sapience and relevance, whose writings appear on the pages of the Chicago and suburban dailies. It's painful, really, and quite embarrassing. The top ... Read More

Ten years ago, a Chicago legend died only a couple of weeks shy of his 84th birthday. I loved him because he was the voice of the Cubs when I was growing up. I loved him because he made the games enjoyable, even when the product on the field was not. I loved him for lighthearted moments ... Read More

The Cubs have signed former Diamondback / White Sox utility infielder Alex Cintron. Call me crazy, but I actually like the signing. Cintron is a switch-hitter, and is a far better bench option than Ronny Cedeno. Plus, it might very well mean that Cedeno is headed to Baltimore for Brian Roberts. ... Read More

Oh, Greg Couch. As soon as I heard that Aramis Ramirez had been connected to cockfighting in the Dominican Republic, I knew that your self-righteous bullshit would be forthcoming. It came with the headline, "Aramis Ramirez as wrong as Michael Vick." You hate Aramis, Greg. We get it. But let's take a closer look at ... Read More

You've read the stories (or you haven't). You watched the hearing (or you didn't). You're hoping Clemens gets enough rope to hang himself with enough left over to tie Schilling to a railroad track. The only problem is that the guy who's handing him the rope is only slightly more believable. Both of these guys are probably lying, ... Read More

Well, pitchers and catchers have reported, which gives me license to reuse the same picture and caption I used last year to commemorate this event. Screw you if you don't like it! I'm old! Anyhow, here's the Roundup: Going into Spring Training, I like my players to be confident, but some just take it too far. Some other guys, ... Read More