Well, another Mardi Gras has come and gone, and you guys probably still haven’t seen a pair of boobs in your lifetime. Get a tan, nerds! Anyhow, it’s Roundup time.
- I see Curt Schilling might need surgery. I hope when the surgeon has him under that he takes the opportunity to sew his fucking mouth shut.
- If Ryan Klesko has indeed retired, he will have set a Major League record of being the only player to have bitched and cried about every single looking strikeout in his career. Congratulations, dickhead. Now you’ll have more time to groom your gay-ass sideburns.
- So THAT’S how it is in Texas…
- Be careful in the NL Central this year. We’re going to have more criminals than that show Prison Break. The only difference being that people will actually be watching us.
- Hey, turns out that Carlos Marmol is a pretty damn good closer. He’s also a hell of a good stand-in when your satellite dish goes out.
- Cubs f/x says that we’re looking strong at the corners this year. Not VANCE LAW strong, but damn strong.
- When I heard that Pedro Martinez was caught at a cockfight, I just assumed he’d tried to plunk Karim Garcia again.
- I like how Kerry Wood is now competing with Bob Howry and Marmol for the closer’s spot, instead of Ryan Dempster being our closer. Now, how to get Dempster out of the rotation?
- Here’s to four more well-deserved years of misery for White Sox fans. That’s B.S.!
- Speaking of the Sox, they’re apparently trying to sneak their way into an AL Central crown. Literally.
- Holy shit, not even the Muskrat has Dempster penciled into the starting rotation!
- Do you really need another reason to think that Chris Berman is an insufferable fucking prick? If you do, here’s one. NSFW language.
- Ryne Sandberg: Still eminently likable.
- Don’t forget that single-game tickets go on sale February 22nd. Also, don’t forget that you buy tickets every year, and are almost always disappointed.
- They announced it a while ago, but we’re playing in the final Hall of Fame Game at Doubleday Field against the Padres. Expect a healthy dose of shitty players in that one. I’m not going to get crucified if Alfonso Soriano pulls a hamstring in a meaningless exhibition game.
Well, that’s all for me. I’m off to celebrate the first weekend in a long time during which I won’t have to listen to stories about Tom F. Brady.
-Sweet Uncle Lou
