Hire Jim Essian

I'm trying to get a post up this afternoon, but for now, let's get all excited about a likely-inaccurate rumor regarding Brian Roberts being traded to the Cubs for Sean Gallagher, Sean Marshall, and Ronny Cedeno. ... Read More

Thanks a lot for not giving the Hawk his plaque. There will be blood for this travesty, you old assholes. There will be blood. ... Read More

Looks like we got a lot of well-thought-out and topical questions for the Mailbag. In honor of that, I answered these questions on the shitter. Way to go, jerkoffs. LizzieG As the resdient Matt Murton groupie, I want to know what you think will happen to Matt this season. I know his fielding isn't great but he's not freaking Jason ... Read More

It is with infinite sadness in my heart that I report to you that Angel Pagan is no longer a Cub. Over the weekend, the Cubs shipped Pagan to the Mets in exchange for minor leaguers Corey Coles and Ryan Meyers. Coles is a 25-year-old outfielder who can't hit. Meyers is a 21-year-old right hander whose numbers ... Read More

After Roger Clemens' utterly ridiculous denial of his alleged steroid abuse (It took you THAT long to come up with the exact same story Tejada came up with, Roger? Really?), I got to wondering whether Clemens has usurped Barry Bonds' long-held position as my least favorite baseball player. Bonds: Was once made to look a bitch by MARK PRIOR Is still admiring ... Read More

Holy crap, is this the most dull offseason in history? If not for the Mail Hag, there would be nothing to talk about. Anyhow, here's the most entertaining bits of what's out there: Thank you, science. When you're all done with that, do you think you can get Quade to fart like a kangaroo so we can de-stank ... Read More

Is it me, or are Carrie Muskat's mailbags getting worse? If I didn't suspect that she were the one actually choosing these questions, I'd be dangerously close to feeling sorry for her. As it stands, she has compiled an All-Star list of horrible questions for this week's Mailbag. Seriously. This batch of questioners is the Dream ... Read More

If the site freaks out today, blame her. ... Read More

On January 2, 1951, James Sarkis Essian, Jr. was born in Detroit, Michigan. He went on to catch in parts of twelve seasons of Major League Baseball. After retiring in 1985, Essian became a coach for the Chicago Cubs. In 1991, after then-Cubs manager Don Zimmer was fired, Essian took the reigns and became the first ever ... Read More