Hire Jim Essian

Looks like the MLB has allegedly been going to great lengths to dig up dirt on its umpires. I don't know why they're wasting time calling the friends and neighbors of these umps. Next time, MLB, you could have just asked us. HJE has the dirt, as always, on some of your favorite umpires. Wally Bell: Wears ... Read More

For this week's Mailbag, I'm saying the hell with the Q & A. It's been a while since I've done a skit, and I might as well base it on this latest bunch of drivel. Today, the part of Carrie Muskat will be played by Joan Cusack. The part of Kermit will be played by a sock. Hey, ... Read More

All right, all right, so it's not Friday. So what? Who's to say I'm even going to be alive by Friday? In the meantime, don't be a bunch of ungrateful douchebags. You're getting this stuff for free. I had a chance to peruse that worthless tabloidal excuse for a newspaper you guys call the Sun-Times ... Read More

Some blog I've never heard of is apparently giving out awards I don't understand to people I don't like. Here is the text of an e-mail I received regarding a "first annual" inaugural (don't you have to have a SECOND one for it to be "annual"?) Cubs blog award thing: It's officially awards season, and we at Cubscast are attempting ... Read More

So it appears we've got some jolly ole' "Top #" lists going on over here. As Dolan mentions, nice way to fill up space. We here at HJE have been hard at work in matching Al's noble cause by providing what we feel is a noble cause of our own. Part of being a Cub fan is ... Read More

Is Erik Bedard the reason the Cubs still haven't been able to trade for Brian Roberts? Possibly. Never fear, though, as it looks like Bedard to Seattle is close to happening. IF the Orioles were demanding Rich Hill plus a bunch of prospects in exchange for Bedard, it probably would have been a pretty lateral trade for ... Read More

Let's be honest, there is probably a better chance that the Cubs will get NEITHER Khalil Greene nor Brian Roberts than that they'll get both of them. Two guys they could land easily are Kenny Lofton and Marlon Byrd. Yay? You know the drill. As always, death is not an option. {democracy:13} ... Read More

What's up, losers? You know, I really didn't think I'd miss Jon McDonough almost immediately after he left. Then, I saw our new ad campaign. Seems a poor choice of flags. As the guys at Desipio pointed out (and Corn-Fed a/k/a Thrillho illustrated), what's next? Well, I can tell you one thing that's next. The Friday Roundup. ... Read More

Nah, I'm just messing with you, Jim. Lou has balls enough for the whole team. Really, though, I'm going to freak you out with this one. Forget Erik Bedard. Forget him. I figured out how you can end your offseason as the top team in the National League without him. I'm hoping, Jim, that as I ... Read More

The mighty Forklift has told me the story�at least 7 times by now�about Billy Williams� 1972 season, and how he got hosed in that season� MVP voting, which went Johnny Bench�s way. Fork has always referred to this as Billy�s Susquehanna Hat Company, meaning that mention of the 1972 travesty automatically, regardless of the situation, kick-starts Billy into a ... Read More