Hire Jim Essian

What in the hell is going on this offseason? Jim Hendry has made, for the most part, nothing but intelligent moves which have improved the team. That's all well and good, but the true joy of this offseason so far has been the baffling moves the rest of the teams in the NL Central has made. While the Cubs ... Read More

Now that you've had the weekend to read, highlight, and understand the 400+ page Mitchell Report, you might be thinking that it proves something. It certainly does. It proves that there are a lot of incredibly stupid baseball players out there, and there are even stupider fans. As to the players, how stupid do you have to be to ... Read More

It's a special "The NL Central is Terrible" version of the Friday Night Fukudome! Every team in the NL Central except the Cubs has taken major steps backwards this offseason. Two of those backwards acquisitions have included former Cubs. The St. Louis Cardinals signed former Cub shortstop Cesar Izturis, and the Milwaukee Brewers signed former catcher Jason ... Read More

If you were playing at home, the answer was a bunch of shitty players with a needle in the bathroom stall. Marvin Benard? Randy Velarde? Tim Laker? Gregg Zaun? Jerry Hairston, Jr.? Todd Pratt? Kent Mercker? These are the names we've been waiting over a year to read? Come on! ... Read More

We might as well have a running thread during the day to keep you apprised as to the names which have been named in the Mitchell Report. So far, two of my least favorite players in baseball are on the list. Yay! Please feel free to help me keep track in the comments. I'll update the ... Read More

As you've certainly already heard, the Cubs chose to non-tender Mark Prior. If I haven't made it clear enough, I think this was a stupid, stupid move, and I am sad to see Prior go. Those saying that Prior is a pussy have very short memories. The Prior I'm going to remember is the one who drilled Barry Bonds ... Read More

EXT.--NIGHT--OUTSIDE WRIGLEY FIELD Cubs manager LOU PINIELLA is urinating on the side of Wrigley Field when Cubs general manager JIM HENDRY runs excitedly up to him. JIM: We got Fukudome! LOU: You know the law. Two men enter, one man leaves. Jim looks confused. JIM: What? We don't have to get rid of anyone for him. He was a ... Read More

The Cubs made their smartest free agent acquisition in years Tuesday night, acquiring a top-of-the-order hitter with power and defensive skills in Kosuke Fukudome. If Jim Hendry does nothing for the rest of the offseason, he's done well. If he gets Brian Roberts, he's forgiven for Macias, Neifi, LaTroy, and Estes. 4 years, $48M for the Japanese star. ... Read More

Though it pains me to say it, to this point, Jim Hendry has done a fine job this offseason. After bewildering us with a trade for Omar Infante, he just as quickly used the crappy utility guy to chauffeur Will Ohman's fat ass out of town. He has unloaded bad players like Jacque Jones and Craig Monroe. ... Read More

Well, gee-fucking-whiz. Looks like Kosuke Fukudome is heading to the United States to play baseball in these here Major Leagues during the 2008 season. The most obvious cover-up since Alex Rodriguez claimed he didn't like trannies is over. Everyone who voted against MLB Fukudome in last week's Friday Night Fukudome loses ten points. Fukudome may announce as early ... Read More