Hire Jim Essian

Welcome to the first "Friday Night Fukudome," in which HJE will pit Cub-related combatants against one another in a battle of supremacy. Our first matchup pits Kerry Wood against Ryan Dempster. The Cubs recently announced that Ryan Dempster would have a chance to start with the Cubs in 2008. The Cubs then re-signed Kerry Wood to a ... Read More

Oh, this week could just not have gone any better. In honor of that, you get a special "numbers" edition of the Roundup. 30: The percentage that some ticket prices at Wrigley Field will be raised next year. 15: The number of times the Cubs will get to play against Little Cesar next season. 156: The number of times ... Read More

Thanks, Houston, for taking the loaded gun out of Jim Hendry's hand! EDIT: Bruce Miles politely suggests that the Astros may have done the Cubs a favor. Awesome, Bruce. ... Read More

I will have more to say on this video tomorrow, but I would be a poor, poor Cubs blogger if I didn't put up The Genius's DUI video. Forget your favorite celebrity's sex tape. This is the greatest video on the internet. Thanks to Dolan and T.J. Brown for pointing it out and to Borowski for providing another link. ... Read More

With the Winter Meetings right around the corner, Carrie Muskat has written a "Winter Meetings Checklist" for the Cubs. She failed, however, to publish Jim Hendry's Winter Meetings Checklist. HJE was lucky enough to get a copy of the KFC napkin on which Hendry's plans were written: Sign a middle infielder (Cintron?) Explain to opposing GMs why Dempster and Marquis ... Read More

Carrie Muskat's latest mail bag comes with the added bonus of this sexy Jim Hendry picture. When you're done, feel free to clean up and move on to the Q & A in quotes, with my comments outside of quotes. This one is a doozy. Are the Cubs going to make any big moves soon? We know what we ... Read More

CHICAGO--First, he traded Steve Smyth to the Atlanta Braves. Then, he ignored Barry Zito. Then, he traded Jacque Jones to the Detroit Tigers. Then, Jim Hendry's "interest" in Geoff Jenkins waned. Despite being obsessed with middle infielders, not once has he made a contract offer to either of the Boone brothers. Now, "rival" GMs are ... Read More

Holy shit. I didn't realize you read the site, Jim, but thanks, anyhow. Sorry about the fat jokes. As a reward, feast your eyes on arguably the most dominating pitching performance in Cubs history (eat a dick, Kevin Orie). Thanks to PenFoe for tipping me off that the Cubs re-signed Wood. ... Read More

Dear Jerkwad: Look, we all know you're the lamest of lame ducks. Your ass is as good as fired as soon as the Cubs are sold. Not because you're particularly inept (though you usually are). But because your doughy complexion, stringy hair, and probable body odor will likely make the new owner at best uncomfortable and at worst ... Read More

Carrie Muskat is an endless font of hilarity, as evidenced by her latest mailbag. Come on. She's not even trying any more. The Muskrat's Q & A is in quotes. My commentary is quote-less. Could you please help me understand the Jones-for-Infante trade? I know Jones never starts out hot, but he seems to finish that way. ... Read More