BOSTON–Less than twelve hours after watching their team sweep the Colorado Rockies to clinch its second World Series title in the past four years, Boston fans were finding new things to complain about.

“I had to get up for work at seven in the morning,” said 22-year-old Sox fan Will Nichols, who claims to have been suffering along with the Red Sox since 1918. “I have a hangover like you would not believe. Red Sox Nation has been through so much already without having to put up with this. It’s just not fair.”

Other members of The Nation were similarly upset about the events of Sunday night. “Who does Garrett bleeping Atkins think he is?” Sox fan Sean Finnegan inquired. “The Sox were cruising along all nice and easy until that guy hit the two-run homer that made it a one-run game. He scared the piss out of me. That home run is going to haunt me for the next twenty years.”

Some members of The Nation are already looking to next year. “This year we only beat out the Yankees by two games in the AL East, and the Yankees were terrible,” Sox fan Brad Salker said. “I don’t know how the Sox are supposed to compete in the AL with only a $150M payroll. If they add A-Rod, Andruw Jones, and Torii Hunter in the offseason, and then trade for Johan Santana, they should be in pretty good shape next year.”

The Red Sox players themselves were similarly traumatized from their triumph. “How am I going to wear two World Series championship rings?” Sox catcher Jason Varitek said. “If I wear them both on one hand, all the gold and jewels in them will be so heavy that it will weigh down that hand. If I put one on each hand, they’ll reflect the sun into my eyes when I’m driving my gold-plated McLaren through residential areas at reckless speeds.”

Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling had his friends and his physical safety in mind. “It’s going to take a lot of typing to tell all the guys on Neverquest about this,” Schilling said. “Not to mention the World of Warcraft gang. I better make sure to take frequent breaks so I don’t get carpal tunnel syndrome. This victory causes a lot of complications for me.”

Schilling wasn’t the only pitcher who appeared less than happy about the win. Starter Josh Beckett was upset after the game, as well. “Do you know how many women are going to want to have sex with me now?” Beckett said. “Do you have any idea what kind of pressure that puts on me? Not to mention all the men.”

The long, angst-filled offseason begins Monday for the Red Sox. With only 11 months left until their next postseason appearance, one hopes that their wounds will have time to heal.