Well, Halloween is right around the corner, and I’m sure you dopes haven’t gotten your costumes together yet. Don’t worry. Sweet Uncle Lou is here to provide you with some last-minute costume ideas.

1. Scott Eyre


2. Ted Lilly


3. Jason Kendall


4. Tony LaRussa


5. Josh Hancock


6. Scott Podsednik


7. Barry Bonds


8. Bud Selig


9. David Ortiz


10. Ned Yost


11. Derrick Turnbow

You’re welcome. Now, for the Roundup.

• Good to know we can add “tampering” to Dusty Baker’s growing list of crimes against Chicago and baseball as a whole.
• You know what Anita does when I need to go to the grocery store? She writes out an idiot-proof list of each item I need to get, which aisle it’s in, and the approximate price for each item. Can someone convince Bruce Miles to do the same thing for Hendry before the winter meetings? I’ll gladly staple the list to his chest, if needs be.
• Chris DeLuca gives his cock a break and goes back to beating a dead horse, instead.
• Sure, they’re up 2-0, but that doesn’t mean you should have any less reason to root against The Nation.
• Look, I misplace stuff around the house all the time, but how the hell do you lose a toothbrush up your own nose FOR TWO MONTHS?

Well, that’s all I got, kids. It’s the offseason. What do you expect? Have fun at your Halloween parties, you deviants.

-Sweet Uncle Lou