You could point to a lot of things that didn’t go right for the Cubs this season. Carlos Zambrano taking three months off. Half of Jason Marquis’ starts. Derrek Lee’s complete lack of power for the first half of the season, or Cliff Floyd’s and Jacque Jones’ lack of power all year. A terrible start to the season by the bullpen. Alfonso Soriano getting injured. Cesar Izturis. I think most fans can agree, though, that one of the things that went right pretty much throughout the season was the outstanding offensive and defensive play of Cubs third baseman Aramis Ramirez.

Barry Rozner must not be a fan. Rozner advocates getting rid of Aramis in one of the stupidest “if it’s not broke, let’s break it” suggestions I’ve heard in ages. He’s in quotes. I’m not.

Congrats John McDonough.

Nice going Jim Hendry.

Heck of a job Lou Piniella.

Now what?

Now, we listen to you and your hack writer friends whine for an entire offseason about how Lou pulled Zambrano too early in Game One, which somehow managed to cost the Cubs all three games in the NLDS.

The Cubs won a division, which gave the fans something to enjoy but not much for which to be proud.

You and 24 of your closest friends could have won the Central Division.

So could you…if only you had 24 friends.

But the good news is it won’t be any tougher next year, and the Cubs ought to repeat.

You want to crown them? Then crown their asses! Seriously, the Brewers were a young team, and they’re not going to improve at all, Barry? If they just dragged Turnbow and Yost out into the middle of the street and shot them, they’d improve by 10 games right there. The Cardinals took the Cubs and the Brewers down to the wire, too, Barry. You think it’s possible that they might try to improve a bit?

What they don’t want is to repeat their playoff performance, and considering the plethora of free-swinging, undisciplined hitters on whom their offense relies, what can they do to change?

The simple answer is to preach discipline in the offseason and sign some complementary players at shortstop or center or right field to improve the discipline. Heck, even getting Matt Murton and Geovany Soto more at-bats next year will improve the discipline on the team. I’ll hang up and wait for your complicated and poorly thought-out solution.

Many of their contracts are unmovable, and Alfonso Soriano’s deal is on that list, but the one they might be able to unload is the four years and $62 million remaining on the contract of Aramis Ramirez.

You don’t disappoint, Barry. You mean the contract the Cubs just signed Aramis to? The one everyone was really excited about? The one he gave us a hometown deal on?

The third baseman is overrated defensively…

By whom? All I hear from hacks like you is that Aramis sucks at defense. Because, you know, Aramis had 88 putouts and 260 assists in 358 total chances this year, which gave him a better fielding percentage (.972) than anyone in the league other than Pedro Feliz (.973).

…moves only when it seems to suit him…

Yeah. Like when he needs to move his arms to hit 26 home runs and drive in 101 RBIs (a team leader). Maybe you’d prefer he move around so that he strikes out more than 66 times, which was the lowest total of any “regular” other than Ryan Theriot on your team of “free-swingers.”

…has taken to running out fewer and fewer groundballs and deep flies…

Who gives a fuck? Would you rather Aramis tear his quad sprinting out a routine 4-3 put out or rather have him lead the team in RBIs, even after missing time with an injury? By the way, jackass, Aramis bounced into only 13 double plays this year, fewer than the much more fleet-footed Derrek Lee, Mark DeRosa, and Jacques Jones. Why don’t you get on their asses about hustling around the basepaths?

…and, as you witnessed last week, is a selfish situational hitter.

I was watching the NLDS last week. What were you watching? Aramis was the only Cub making solid contact off Brandon Webb in Game One. He certainly looked terrible in a couple of at-bats during the series, but getting fooled on a low and away breaking ball isn’t “selfish.” It’s “if I don’t do something, we’re going to get bounced from the playoffs.”

But the worst sin of all was his departure from the club right after Soriano was injured in early August.

The Cubs never needed Ramirez more, but he flew back to Chicago to have an injury examined before returning to the team a few days later.

The Cubs dropped four of six while he was out and scored 9 runs in those 4 defeats.

Are you fucking kidding me? Aramis’ worst sin is being injured? Why don’t you just say his worst sin is being Dominican? Or how about his worst sin is having a weird case of voice-body disconnect? How the fuck is it Aramis’ fault that he was injured at the same time Soriano was? Furthermore, if he’s such a selfish, lazy asshole, how would he have helped them score more than 9 runs in those 4 losses?

That’s not something Piniella is likely to forget, nor is he unaware that Ramirez’s demeanor is based mostly on his personal performance, not the team’s.

Did Lou tell you that? Do you even get a press pass? Any time I’ve heard Lou talk about Aramis, he’s said what a clutch hitter he’s been, how much the team needs him, and how crucial he was to the team’s success.

He’s got a bit of Sammy Sosa in him…

Why? Because they’re both from the Dominican Republic? Racist.

…and the only surprise Saturday night was that Ramirez didn’t take a victory lap as Sosa did following the Braves’ three-game sweep of the Cubs in 1998, which remains one of the most bizarre moments in Wrigley Field history.

I was way more surprised by the fact that Chris Young saw a single fastball all night.

If you can move Ramirez and sign Alex Rodriguez, how much better would you be?

Slightly. If you can keep Ramirez, sign Rodriguez, and move him back to his natural position, how much better would you be?

He’s a better guy…

I’m sure his wife agrees. Nice guys always get caught with tranny strippers, right?

…better fielder, and better hitter.

So, one of the Greatest Players to Ever Play the Game of Baseball is better than Aramis Ramirez? I somehow doubt Aramis is too crestfallen. That’s like someone telling you that your girlfriend is stunningly beautiful, but not quite as hot as Megan Fox. That’s not exactly the equivalent of saying that you, Barry Rozner, aren’t quite as good as Rick Morrissey.

True, his postseason hitting has been atrocious the last three years, but if you get him out of New York, maybe he will go back to being A-Rod again.

Aramis, on the other hand, raked in 2003, even though he was awful this past postseason. Of course, I’m not one to judge a player on his work in a 3-7 game stretch as opposed to an entire season or career’s worth of at-bats. Maybe I should be a sportswriter!

Prior to 2005, and including his first two playoff series with the Yanks, Rodriguez was a .330 postseason hitter with 6 homers, 8 doubles and 16 RBI in 26 games.

Did you take it one step further, Barry? Prior to 2007, Aramis got on base at a higher than .350 clip and slugged better than .575. He hit 4 home runs, a double, and a triple, and he drove in 10 RBIs in only TWELVE games. That puts him on pace to eclipse all of A-Rod’s “good” postseason numbers (other than the doubles). Did I convince you that Aramis is a better postseason player, or can you see how stupid it is to just dismiss numbers for no reason, particularly when dealing with a small sample size?

Plus, he loves playing for Lou Piniella, who said after the Cubs were swept: “We’ve had some spells this summer where we’ve had a week or 10 days where it was hard scoring runs, and then we’ve had the other kind.

“They just caught us cold. But, again, let’s give (Arizona’s) pitching credit, too. Our team tried. We just didn’t get it done, and that’s really the end of the story.”

Piniella also said, “Last time we were at home, we swung the bats as well as we did all year.”

So, the Cubs offense was streaky? I’ve never heard that point made before.

I’m sorry. Maybe I missed in there where Lou said he’d rather have A-Rod than Aramis. Let me check again.

“We’ve had some spells this summer where we’ve had a week or 10 days where it was hard scoring runs BECAUSE OF ARAMIS RAMIREZ, and then we’ve had the other kind, WHERE EVERYONE PLAYED JUST LIKE A-ROD DOES. THEY EVEN WORE “WWAD?” BRACELETS.

“They just caught us cold, THANKS TO ARAMIS. But, again, let’s give (Arizona’s) pitching credit, too, WHICH ARAMIS WOULD NEVER DO, BECAUSE HE’S A MEAN, SELFISH DOODY-HEAD. Our team tried LIKE A-ROD TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO HIS WIFE WHY HE CAME HOME REEKING OF JETER’S MUSK. We just didn’t get it done, and that’s really the end of the story. EXCEPT MY ENDING GOES, ‘THANKS FOR RUINING THE SEASON, ARAMIS, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE.’

“Last time we were at home, we swung the bats as well as we did all year OR AT LEAST AS WELL AS WE COULD WITH SHITTY ARAMIS RAMIREZ INSTEAD OF A-ROD.”

Now I see the point of including those quotes, Barry. Thanks.

But that was against Pittsburgh and Cincinnati, typical Central Division slop, while the D’backs offered a legitimate challenge the Cubs couldn’t handle.

The Cubs went 9-9 against the Reds. 8-7 against the Pirates. They were hardly fattening up their record on the “Central Division slop.” Meanwhile, the Cubs beat their two closest competitors in the NL Central, St. Louis and Milwaukee, like drums. Do you even look at statistics? Oh, by the way, the other team that steamrolled its way to the NLCS, the Rockies, lost 5 of 7 to the Cubs.

Piniella knows good baseball and he knows bad, and he knows what wins and what doesn’t, and he made the most out of what he had this year. But he also had to be sickened by the Cubs’ ludicrous approach to hitting in the playoffs.

Because, as I mentioned before, you clearly interviewed Piniella before you wrote this half-assed article, right?

Piniella has won World Series, and he knows good pitching beats hitting — especially undisciplined hitting — in the playoffs. But there was nothing he could do about it by the time the Cubs reached October, when his fate and roster were sealed.

If good pitching beats good hitting, why aren’t you all over Ted Lilly, Rich Hill, and Carlos Marmol? They all performed poorly in the NLDS, they all have reasonable contracts, and they are all useful trading chips. Why not just wave your magic wand and replace them with Johann Santana, Jake Peavy, and Francisco Rodriguez?

He changed what he could this year, making over the roster several times once he got a feel for what was available to him.

It’d be really difficult to think way back and remember some of those changes for people who don’t follow the team closely, so don’t bother.

Now, he’ll have the winter to work with Hendry and make more changes, and maybe they can even move the all-star third baseman and collect a Hall of Famer in the process.

Sorry, Aramis. The Hall of Fame called, and they preemptively denied you entry.

With Ramirez owed roughly $15 million a year for the next four, dumping him and adding A-Rod doesn’t even ruin your budget. It’s only another $15 million a pop for a team that has the cash.

Um, you could have Aramis Ramirez AND Vladimir Guerrero with that extra $15 million you just wrote off. I sure hope your wife is the one who pays the bills.

Piniella did a lot in a short period of time during the season, but he’s going to need some help to take the Cubs to the next level.

Batman? Are you talking about Batman?

The best thing about him is that he’s a realist, and he doesn’t pretend to have what he doesn’t, or a play a way he can’t.

I saw a guy downtown one time pretending he had a trumpet and playing songs through his hand by vibrating his lips. He reeked of feces and lived under the El tracks. So you’re saying the best part about Lou is that he doesn’t have dementia?

“I’m proud of our guys. I really am,” Piniella said Saturday night, noting how hard the Cubs fought to turn it around after an awful start. “I told them that. I told them to have a nice, safe winter and we’ll reconvene next spring and take this thing further, and that’s really the bottom line.”

I’m sorry. What is the point of this quote?

The Cubs spent a lot of money to win a division, and though it was fun for the paying customer, as they approach the 100th anniversary of the last World Series title, another Central Division winner is not going to satisfy the fans.

That’s their bottom line.

What would you know? You’re clearly not even a fan.