2003, 1984, black cats, goats. You may think you know the Cubs, but what happened in the past doesn’t have a goddamn thing to do with these Cubs.
They’ve got a manager who believes in curses about as much as he believes in tipping over eighteen percent.
They’ve got a starting rotation that’s better than any of the other teams left in the NL.
They’ve got three sluggers in their order who haven’t even warmed up yet.
They’ve got the best third baseman they’ve seen since Ron Santo, who has been nothing but clutch all year.
Fuck history. Fuck the naysayers. Fuck Jay Mariotti.
These aren’t your older brother’s Cubs.
They’re not looking to come back to Wrigley Field and make things competitive.
They’re looking to shove a baseball up Livan Hernadez’s fat ass, and then come back the next day and shit on Micah Owings’ head.
They’re sending this thing to Game Five, so all the Diamondbacks fans have to go through the chore of waving a fucking pom-pon around their heads for nine more innings.
They’re going to beat Brandon Webb, and then they’re going to cut a roast on his fucking face.
So you want to be careful? Are you too scared to go all in with this team?
Then get the fuck out of the way.
You wrote the Cubs off in June. You wrote the Cubs off when they got swept by the Marlins.
Do us all a favor and watch college football on Saturday.
Rich Hill, Geovany Soto, Carlos Zambrano.
These guys don’t want your doom and gloom bullshit. They want 11 more wins.
There’s only one…Cubtober.
Yes! Every time we’ve been read the Riot Act on HJE, it’s worked out well for the Cubs, at least for a while. Between this and the new bunting on the Hire Jim Essian banner, I am completely psyched about the game Saturday and strangely patriotic as well.
GO USA!!
Fuck yeah, Kerm. And we can say we were there when it got started.
Best speech to rally the masses since Otter in Animal House.
The Cubbies have the Diamondbacks just where they want them! They have a clear understanding of what they need to do to continue to play after tomorrow.
I needed to read that. Thank you.
That’s the stuff, Kerm.
We all needed that BK. In addition to pummeling Webb’s beanbag, you think Ted Lilly ain’t ready to take the mound next Tuesday and spray shit in the faces of all the D-bags fans who howled when he left in the 4th?? Shit, dude’s got a hard-on so big, Jock Jones almost picked it up thinking it was his fucking bat.
Best post ever.
If it had to go to five then it might as well be after winning two in a row. By the way I had a dream last night (this morning) that I was pissed off about the Cubs getting knocked out… Might be a harbinger, except that at the same time I was watching a Bear’s game in which Kyle Orton was leading the offense, so take it how you may… Anyways, good post.
Stayed at Chase Field for every minute of that 6 hour human delay that is Lilly and Doug Davis…..so fuck it. I’M ALL IN LOU!!!!!!
Section 242…That was Bluto, dude. WHO’S WITH ME??? AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Great post. Now e-mail this thing to all the hack writers who have already played tomorrow’s game in their heads, and are writing snarky headlines about snakebites, etc.
p.s. Fuck Dane Cook with a chainsaw. Sideways.
If it goes five, Cubs are winning – you know all four teams that have gone down 2-0 and forced Game Fives in the LDS have proceeded to win said Game Fives? The Diamondbacks have nothing. Nothing. They’re smoke and mirrors. I say we open up a window.
See you punks from the bleachers on Saturday…I’d say that we’d be going out guns blazing (or beers chugging, as the case will be) but we’re not going out just yet.
There will be a Game 5.
Go Cubs.
Completely unrelated to this post…but sort of not…..
If you see a little kid wearing a Cardinals shirt, is it wrong to want to punch him in the throat?
What if said kid is your wife’s nephew?
And we’re gonna go to Ohio, and Michigan, and Wisconsin, and Texas and we’re gonna take back the White House……..yyyyyyyyyyyyyyeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!
Go Cubs!
I have faith.
SLS: no, especially no.
HD: I believe it’s Bhuuaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!
I feel me coming around 7:45 tonight!
We’re going to be just fine. My penis is an incredibly accurate predictor of an impending victory, and since Friday morning it’s been rock hard and pointed at the Dowager Queen herself. Obvious discomfort and blackouts aside, I’m feeling very good about tonight.
The queen gets some, and Rich Hill sprays his seed all over the women of Wrigleyville. It will be a good night.
Remember this day, men. For it will be yours for all time…
Cub Fans! Ready your breakfast and eat hearty! For tonight we dine at 1-2!
Illinois over Wisconsin will be the beginning of a beatiful Chicago sports weekend
“They’re not looking to come back to Wrigley Field and make things competitive.”
You soothsayer, you.
Who sang the 7th inning stretch for game 3 of the NLDS? I guess someone forgot to tell TBS that they were supposed to stay on the field until AFTER like every other Cubs telecast on every other channel.
TBS was just all-around terrible with the baseball coverage. Forcing the basketball announcers into baseball roles, with team announcers…sooo bad. Frank, Cal, and Ernie in the booth…they were getting better, but they need to be more prepared and speak with a little more charisma.
Bummer. I hope none of you guys had tickets for today’s (Sunday’s) would-be game. I’d probably be out committing hate crimes if that were the case.
So I’m thinking that Augie Ojeda is going to be one of the people on both the Bottom 126 and the Top 79 Cub Killers… .444 BA, over 1.000 OPS against the Cubbies. What an asshole