What Piniella Said to Sinatro
If watching Ryan Dempster makes you as sick to your stomach as it makes me, you might have missed Chicago Cubs manager Lou Piniella’s animated discussion with first base coach Matt Sinatro immediately after the Cubs’ 3-2 nailbiter victory over the Houston Astros last night. As always, HJE was on the scene, as our field microphones were able to pick up the conversation.
A freshly-shaven LOU PINIELLA and a squat MATT SINATRO storm from the dugout onto the field, speaking heatedly.
LOU: I’m going to go punch Dempster and Pie in their fucking cocks.
MATT: Ha ha! Wait, are you serious?
LOU: Yeah. My stomach can’t take this shit anymore.
MATT: Well, if you’re serious, I got a guy-
LOU: You what?
MATT: I’m just saying, I got a guy. That’s all I’m saying.
LOU: What kind of guy? A center fielder who can catch the damn ball?
MATT: No…
LOU: A legitimate closer who doesn’t have two losses in a week’s time in the middle of a pennant race?
MATT: Well, he’s sort of LIKE a closer.
Matt looks around shiftily.
LOU: Why are you looking around shiftily?
MATT: I’m just saying, I got a guy who solves problems.
LOU: Like a mathematician?
MATT: Not exactly.
LOU: Sinatro, you’re really getting under my skin.
MATT: Look, I have a guy who puts guys on the DL. Permanently.
LOU: Mark O’Neal?
MATT: No. We usually just call him “Knuckles.”
LOU: Why the fuck would you call Mark O’Neal “Knuckles”?
MATT: Not O’Neal. My guy.
LOU: You better start spitting out some words that make some sense, Sinatro.
MATT: You want Dempster and Pie gone, or what?
LOU: You mean-?
Matt nods solemnly.
LOU: Yeah. Yeah, I think I do.
MATT: Okay, when we get back to Chicago, I’ll make some phone calls.
Lou and Matt exchange sinister smiles just as RYAN DEMPSTER and FELIX PIE jog up to them, celebrating their victory. Lou pats Ryan on the shoulder.
LOU: Hell of a job, Ryan! I thought you were going to get WHACKED, but you sure ICED them at the end.
Ryan smiles.
MATT: You, too, Felix! I thought that ball was a GONER, but you really PUT YOUR NECK ON THE LINE running it down.
Ryan and Felix exchange glances before jogging off toward the dugout with their teammates. Lou and Matt look at each other and laugh sinisterly.
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CT
StPatrick
PenFoe
BigFlax
Bocaj
I shall henceforth be known as Felix Olé.
Is Mike North coaching first base for the cubs? It makes my twitchy when I hear Sinatro talking about “my guy…Knuckles”, in fact it makes me wish a couple of red necks would go over the wall, jump him in the coach’s box and kick him in his jag-bag. I’m not even from Chicago and North creeps me out.
You would EXPECT North to look like that, what with all of the free meals that that gasbag has indulged in since hitting the jackpot in ‘92.
Personally, I think Sinatro looks like Vito Spitafore from “The Sopranos”. And Bob Brenly looks like Johnnycakes. Those two should hook up.
North reference on HJE?.. I cant stand that guy. I refuse to listen to his show because in reality he is the biggest idiot in the world. anyone agree with me?
So, no one knows what Lou was really yelling about do they?
In another sportsradio reference, I told Mac & Jurko that it was a profanity-laced cathartic outburst in relief of finally winning a close ballgame. I wasn’t mad or yelling at anything in particular.
*Lou* wasn’t mad. I’m never mad.
You better hope that they don’t actually die… It could get ugly for you…
Len, I heard your nonsense on ESPN 1000. It was the biggest load of shit ever. I believe that the coaches TOLD you that it was a cathartic outburst, but you and I know better, Len. You and I know better.
By the way, Al, everyone hates North. He’s a pompous ass. And Dan McNeil is getting almost as bad as North. Hey, Mac, we don’t give a fuck what you grilled over the weekend. And quit interrupting everyone. And your “Silvy” impression is exactly the same as your “Harry” impression. You suck.
yeah mcneil is like the am 1000 version of north..both a bunch of blowholes.. hence I dont really listen to sports radio..maybe the sports updates but thats about it
I’ll give North credit for actually spearheading renewed interest in that greatest of adult games–16″ softball– by working with former CPS Chief Paul Vallas in introducing it as a fall sport for Chicago high schools, ensuring that the game will not die as soon as it looked like it would 10 years ago, when 16″ leagues were shrinking to Fontenot-size proportions.
Other than that, he’s a loudmouth lucky fuck who’s very full of himself.